7 year old friendship issues

[GoFigure235]

Hi, just interested in opinions/advice on this as I can't work out what the best thing to do is. A couple of months ago, another mum who I know slightly complained to me that my 7yo DD, who had been friends with her DD, was upsetting her by always asking her to come and play, dictating the game they played and apparently DD once hit this girl with her lunch box (which DD denied). I took it very seriously and had a chat with DD and we discussed acceptable behaviour and how we treat our friends. I separately had a chat with the teacher, who said it was probably just a personality clash and she would mention it to the other school staff and they would support this girl and DD in building other friendships. As I'd been told by the mum that her DD was very upset, I told DD that she needed to leave this girl alone and find other friends to play with. So we've worked very hard for the past couple of months to build other friendships for DD, both in and out of school. But the mum is now complaining to me that DD won't play with her child in the playground and just ignores her and this is unkind, so I feel I really can't win here!

Oh I had a situation like this when my daughter was that age the parent even had the cheek to say is something going off at home!! Basically telling me my daughter was a bully, Nothing physical just girls being girls had many convos with my dd and school. School were telling me there was no issues and did not believe my daughter was a bully just a case of the said child being over sensitive due to this I made sure the children weren’t to be placed in the same class or put together as at this stage I had an upset daughter and sick of said parent contacting me. It turned out this child was over sensitive and this was known for the rest of this child’s school years in junior. It’s so hard with girls

Absolutely agree with this

I have a sensitive child a similar age (year 2) who has come home before saying that xyz made her play a game and she didn’t like it but they wouldn’t listen to any of her ideas.
I was quite casual in my response, basically said that it would be fairer if everyone has a turn to pick a game, if xyz was too domineering then she was perfectly fine to go and play with someone else, she didn’t HAVE to play. She seemed to get her confidence up over time and finally told the other girl that it sometimes upset her when she made her play games that she didn’t like. They worked it out well between themselves and are still friends now. There was no way I was getting involved, I was happy to listen to her problem and offer advice, but she needs to learn these skills for herself as well.
I’d steer clear of the other mum and make it known you won’t be getting involved in playground tittle tattle in future.

This happens a lot.
when parents interfere and especially say don’t play with a girl, it often turns out the girl is left out. That’s why it is always better not to interfere. Both mums are at fault really. the friend mum for keeping on trying to interfere contacting the other mum and OP for listening and not understanding that 7yo school issues are best left for the kids to sort out if bullying does not happen.

Why can’t you say to the mum what you’ve said here? “ Sorry but I can’t win, can I? I have tried my best to discourage my DD from upsetting your DD and now you are complaining? “

You've done all the right things.

If you've been reading mumsnet for a while, you know how precious parents can get about their children. Especially in the early years.

I have to admit, year 4, a boy hit my daughter. Absolutely went to the school. They said they would deal with it. No consequences or action seemed to happen. I did speak "nicely" to mum outside the school gates walking son to school. She apologised. "Mummy, mummy, I told the teacher I was sorry."

To cut a long story short, that boy was so impressive in year 6. Just a lovely, responsible, volunteering boy.

But I think we all get over-anxious about our children at junior school.

You need to decide whether you want this other child in your child's friendship group.

If you do invite her over for a play date. If you don't, just carry on.

There are good books written for this age group for navigating friendship issues. I would sit and read them with your child. As for the other mother I wouldn’t give her a second thought. I also agree with all the previous posters who have said your daughter should not be made to play with children she doesn’t want to play with.