Will my son hate me for this

[Cleoooo]

He’s 2y5mo , I have a 3mo who’s high needs and I’m Bf so basically my youngest child has been practically glued to me for 3 months - she doesn’t really settle for anyone else

So my poor DS is so used to me constantly having to carry her/hold her. Her being everywhere with us. Her crying a lot and me trying to soothe. Me trying to manage the 2 alone (DH works away in the week so he helps on weekend)

he does go to nursery I’ve kept this in his routine as we need it for when I do go to work again but also it’s good for him to play with kids his age he doesn’t have any in the family

im just wracked with guilt. I haven’t had much 1-2-1 time with him like we used to. I’m wondering if this is why he’s having melt downs/tantrums ? I miss him and I feel so guilty but on my days alone with them I don’t know how to balance both it’s so hard I just feel awful and I’m so worried he’ll hate me and think mummy gives my sister loads of attention (because she doesn’t let me pop her down :( )

I think you need to give yourself a bit of a break! You're doing the best you can. I found going from 1-2 difficult because of the guilt you mention, but things do get easier.

Toddlers around 2 1/2 all (or nearly all) have meltdowns, so that could well be a stage that was going to come anyway. And having a sibling is a big transition for them. Could you get a sling/carrier for the baby if she'll tolerate that? I found I was then hands free for dc1. And then try to carve out 121 time with eldest whenever you can on a weekend?

:( thank you <3 this is exactly it! I feel so confident with my new. Baby and calmer around a lot of things there. But my guilt is sky high especially as it’s me alone with them a lot and then when he sees DH he’s like dadddyyy!! Which I get but I worry he must think of me as boring as I deal with the meltdowns and everything

we just got a baby bjorn I need to try and figure it out it feels very complex , she hated sling we don’t know if she didn’t like being that tight close due to the fabric? But the carrier she may like as it’s a bit more spacious? I don’t know :(

we have snippets. When she does nap well in her pram I make sure we nip to the park or get out. It’s hard as when I do bed time she has to be there to so I just feel like does he feel like he never gets attention

even now he plays independelty with his cars and I ask can I join in and he lets me sometimes and sometimes he just says no and it makes me sad I don’t know if it’s because he’s like they’re his cars etc but I’m worried he’s starting to hate me because I have another baby

I think that can happen when you're the primary caregiver and dad (or mum) comes home and it's all exciting because they haven't seen them all day.
I really think it will be a temporary phase and you will all find your new normal in a few more months. I did find that my dh ended up doing more with our eldest for a while and that was hard but equally they have such a great bond
I wouldn't take anything personally re him wanting to play or not. Fingers crossed she likes the carrier. Do you have a sling library near you? They can offer good advice. And any community run playgroups? Lifeline when you have 2!