Out of control 4 year old - normal or ADHD?

[TootTootDriverr]

DS (turned 4 in May) is exhausting and he just doesn’t seem to be settling like people reassured me it would when he was a toddler. I want to know if all of this is normal or not for his age.

He’s physically and mentally hyperactive. He spends most of the day charging round/bouncing/jumping/spinning alongside shouting/singing/making silly noises at the top of his voice. On the odd occasion he’s sat down he’s fiddling or itching or swinging his legs and still making noise. I’m not sure i’ve ever seen him fully relaxed. This is despite copious physical and mental stimulation. He just never seems to tire.

He does really silly things impulsively. At the end of tea tonight he just launched his plate and cutlery across the room and laughed manically. I made him clear up the mess and he wasn’t allowed pudding (some fruit) but even that took forever as he was so distractible. He then pushed his 1 year old brother over again whilst laughing. He was removed upstairs for everyone’s safety and wasn’t allowed any TV. Thing is, he never learns from these consequences. He’ll be just as full on tomorrow. If asked why he does these things he just says ‘dunno’.

He goes to pre school where they struggle to get him to listen and he can be quite silly but he’s less wild there. He has huge emotional outbursts on days after pre school. Full blown meltdowns over everything.

I think he may have ADHD but pre school have said he is too young. Waiting lists are long and HV has offered to refer for assessment at 6 if still like this. I feel so lost and I don’t know what to do. Thanks if you got this far.

It sounds like he could have ADHD for sure. Learn about neurodiversity and parent with that in mind as it will be a while waiting for referral and assessment. Make notes of behaviours that worry you as you go along to help you with the paperwork when the time comes. Lots of sensory toys, lots of exercise, don't give lots of attention to the negative behaviour and praise any positive, calm, kind, helpful behaviour. Talk to school about movement breaks and sensory room time. Take any support and breaks you can because it's hard work. He's lucky to have a mum who knows him well and will help him to manage his symptoms and fight for the support he needs.

Thanks @Endofthebeginning . I’m certain he has ADHD but I just feel like I’m banging my head against a brick wall.

We’ve got a word document going with behaviour we’ve noticed. My husband wants to buy a wearable camera so we can record it as well but I don’t know if that’s a bit OTT.

We are seeing OT in a few weeks (HV referred us for that) so hopefully they can give us some tips. They have said they will speak to pre school as well.

Ive just ordered some ADHD parenting books. No idea when I’m going to find time to read them though!

Would love some more breaks. Sadly he’s so out of control it’s verging on impossible to parent him and his 1 yo brother alone. My husband and I very much have to divide and conquer.

Thanks again.

You can’t get a diagnosis at this age. Body cam is therefore pointless. You could parent with adhd in mind but this won’t necessarily make any difference

Sounds like my own son at that age. He was diagnosed at 6 informally during covid and received formal diagnosis (moderate) this year. He's 9 now. He's doing great. He has calmed a lot. I have him in activities (football, cubs, horseriding), most evenings/weekends. I try to curb his sugar intake. He has a yoga ball, which he bounces on when feeling hyper as he puts it. He loves to read and games also. He's always busy but is much easier these days. I remember when he was younger, I never thought I'd see the day. It does sound like your little guy could be similar. No need for camera, you sound like you're doing all the right things.

How is his sleep ?

it is rare to prescribe medication very young . Read up on ADHD strategies . See if they help .

My D’s has ADHD … looking back - I would say sleep was dire . Healthier diet did help . Lots of omega 3 if he will eat it . I found colours and additives made him worse . In particular haribos and smarties were definitely the worst.

plenty outside time whatever the weather .. simple instructions . Limited choice .

turn what you need to do in a competition . Can you beat me get dressed , I did an aqua fresh app for teeth cleaning .

each child is different but these things helped me.

@Starlightstarbright3 his sleep is variable. He crashes out with ease at 8pm. But he wakes up in the night not infrequently and he only sleeps for 9-10 hours before he springs up again. He dropped all naps before 2 and couldn’t be paid to nap now. Never falls asleep in the car or anything like that.

Thankfully eating isn’t bad. He has a good diet. We don’t allow chocolates or sweets routinely because we also think it makes him worse as well.

Oh god yes competition is literally how I get through the day currently. At least I’m fit from sprinting everywhere to get him to stay focussed and engage. Everything is a competition.

Interested you say limit choice. I always see advice to give choices on here. We have also found he literally can’t cope with choice. It’s better to just tell him what is happening.

Thanks for your advice.

As someone with ADHD, choice is really overwhelming and makes me super anxious and makes my head "buffer". Definitely limit choices. At his age I would say two max if you find he's better without any choice go with that.

I also agree with lots and lots of outside play and running around. Not anywhere that's too overstimulating ideally.

Physical (cardio) exercise is the next best thing for ADHD after medication.

It's also important to note that ADHDers are behind in emotional regulation (it's called "delay" but I think that's a misleading term as you don't ever catch up). So they are immature emotionally compared to others their age. It can be helpful to remember this when managing your expectations of behaviour.

As pp have said it does sound like you are doing all the right things though. And he will get calmer as he gets older.