Building resilience/name calling

[Blessedbethefruitz]

Ds5 is in reception. There are a couple of boys who have taken to calling him monster (in the frame of them playing tag and him chasing, but also while not playing tag). They are friends and not being particularly mean or bullying, just playing.

Ds is my eldest, and is very like me - insecure, lacking confidence and resilience. He doesn't like being called monster, but won't say anything about it to the boys. Me and dp have separately explained he can tell them not to call him that, but he won't.

I chat with one of the mums every day at pick up, she's friendly and nice. Do I mention it to her? She's quite strict so I've no doubt she would act on it, and not take issue with me. Or should he be learning resilience/how to deal with things like this himself? He's a very sensitive child, I don't want him to suffer, but I do want to help him grow (and not be picked on because his mum fights his battles!!).

You talk to the teacher, not the parent. Definitely mention it - it does sound mean and the teachers can help crack down on it and do some general teaching about kindness.

@pjani It's happening at the park outside school so not on school grounds/hours. And the boys are in the other reception class (2 form entry). Still a teacher issue? I'm sorry, I don't know the protocol.

Hmmm that’s harder. I’m actually not sure!

My 4yo DC has two friends that are like frenemies, I think, I just regularly check in with her that she still wants to hang out with them, remind her she doesn’t have to, and remind her that she can play with X, Y or Z if she doesn’t want to play with the other two.

And also options like moving away if kids are being rude or mean, telling a teacher (or adult) or saying ‘stop! I don’t like it’

In what circumstances are they playing together? Are you sure your DC still wants to? I would just check in on that point every time. I think. This is tricky!

No I wouldn't approach a parent about this, nor school if it doesn't happen at school.

Your focus needs to be on teaching your DC how to advocate for themselves. But tbh it doesn't sound like the kids are being mean, perhaps it's not actually bothering your DC much anyway. Likelihood is it will soon blow over too. There's definitely something to be said for not making a mountain out of a mole hill as well.

Ds definitely wants to play with them, they all seek each other out in the playground and the park.

Hopefully you're right @WhyamInotvomiting and it'll blow over soon. I'm trying very hard to instil resilience, but don't seem to be making much progress.

I'm always more inclined to not give these matters too much air time. You've said they're not being mean they are just playing. If he says again that they have called him a monster, I'd say 'well, you're obviously not a monster are you, now, what are you going to watch on TV later/what book shall we read/what snack do you want.' I absolutely believe you should always listen to your children and help them but this does sound very minor and as you said OP you want to help him build his resilience. This is something where he could learn that what they are saying is insignificant, if you don't give it a significant amount of time dwelling on it or dealing with it and just brush it off in this instance.

He does sound quite resilient, in that he's taking the good with the bad and deciding on balance still to play with them. One way of looking at it maybe?