How to stop yourself getting over stimulated?

[DreamyNavyMentor]

Im a lone parent to a lovely six month old. No family close by and no support network.

There are times when I reach my breaking pointing of when it all gets too much for me. Its not the baby part - he's a lovely baby and doesn't cry often, but there are times when I need to do something else and baby needs me and I can't attend to him. So his crying or generally needing me is over stimulating me and I feel perhaps a sense of fight or flight - I don't understand what I'm feeling but it's not nice.

I know to put baby down somewhere safe and go to my front door (I can still hear baby but it's my space where I know I can take a breather). However I had to do that a few times tonight and I'm wondering if there is a better way to manage the situation?

It's not a case of dropping everything and attending to baby, there are things I need to do at that moment in time either physically or in my brain.

It also doesn't help that baby isn't sleeping until late, plus he has evening contact naps (which I'm told we are supposed to hold baby alot and it's good for them). Plus his bedtime is awful and throwing his dummy across the room and crying for it (waking me up) lol.

I do find parenting hard because it wasn't part of my life plan. It's happening though and he is a lovely baby who generally doesn't cry or is fussy. So I feel bad when he does :(

There is so much that needs to be done around the house and to myself that I've put back - because I have no other option. I don't really need tips like get a cleaner, I think it's more emotional tips?

And before you ask it's not PPD/PPA. Life is fine, it's just if I had an hour every day where I could give baby to someone else so I could switch of and do life admin/clean etc I would be fantastic.

I also took your approach, walk away, deep breath, have a few minutes….so not sure how much I can help there!
one if my biggest lifesavers on mat leave was jointing a gym with a crèche? Just to have an hour or too to myself. I mainly gymed but sometimes I would just coffee and shower

I do have two afternoons a week in childcare.... But this afternoon I had to deal with something stressful that snowballed :(

I would work on a nap schedule, and getting him to nap in his own bed. We did this and I now have two 1.5 hour slots a day to get jobs in the house done - or simply watch some terrible daytime TV to unwind. It was a battle at first, but so worth it in the end.

Do you ever feel like a failure for walking away? I think that's my issue, I could or should walk away a few seconds before but don't because I feel lik a failure. Maybe I should do that - notice the feeling, know nothing will good will come from th feeling, I can't ignore baby, so just leaves and come back.

In that moment I'm thinking that telling baby to give me a minute or telling them to be quiet etc will actually get them to be quite. It's so dumb now I've sorted my thoughts in my mind and written them down.

My partner has said a couple of times he thinks it’s bad to avoid the issue and walk away. I disagree agree with him strongly, i see it as removing myself from a situation for just a few mins and regaining control. I’m not sure what the right answer is, but generally when I’m in that sort of situation my daughter is so caught up in emotion I doubt she even notices I’ve gone haha!
but no, I don’t feel like a failure, I think we all have ways to deal with stressful situations, and for me a few mins to regain my composure is much better than getting angry and shouting

I don't know how it would work as I do have appointments I need to go to during the week and classes etc. Plus hes in nursery two afternoons so he sleeps whenever he wants there.

I haven't helped myself by starting diy tasks around the house... Rolls eyes, as well as having thing crop up (car seat buckle is incorrectly fitted and I've had the car 6 years, I don't want to pay to get it done, apart from money but also because literally everyone I pay to do something messes up).

Plus he's just started foods and I thought I was being clever by cooking vegetables this afternoon in my down time but that went quite wrong.

I'm getting help later this week.

Is he there in the moment?

I wonder if I had someone to give the baby to +even if he still cried) if I would feel the same way.

Emotions are hard right.

I also think you’re probably in the thick of it right now, at 6 months, maybe….maybe not, you’re getting a good nights sleep?
be kind to yourself, there’s so much pressure on women these days to be the perfect parent. I like you, wanted to keep on top of the house and all that. But don’t worry, I promise that life starts to come back where it gets a bit easier day by day!

He’s witnessed it on occasion! But we all parent differently, I don’t necessarily agree with how he handles things all the times, but I guess there is no perfact method!
its very easy to question yourself and constantly worry it you’re doing the right thing. The bigger picture is I doubt these 2-3 mins episodes are going to emotionally scar our children!
I was out with my mum at the weekend and asked her about discipline and getting angry/ what do you do? As mine is now a toddler…..because these days I generally pick my battles and don’t really allow myself to get worked up…turns out my mum had the same approach!

Nah, this time is so much easier than newborn when I had such issues with sleep.

I'm not getting the best night's sleep because its obviously 3am and I'm on mums net but it's better than before.

I don't care too much about the house, it just becomes an over stimulation and I feel like the walls creep into me.

I'm meeting new mums.tomorrow and I wish I could do my hair and eyebrows but I don't have time (well obviously I could get of mums net).

I was going to take him for a walk this evening to try and starts bedtime routine (he shuts his eyes when in the pram) but it's apparently the Ice Age.

Mothers are wired differently after they've had a child - psychologists have found. We hear the baby cry sooner than dad etc.

I just feel like I'm not doing anything right because it's not black and white with children.

I worry that perhaps I'm not holding him enough and that's why he doesn't cry a lot (I meet another mum who won't use a dummy and her baby cries a lot, Velcro baby). If my baby cries for 3 seconds I think there is something seriously wrong.

Have you got a sling? Mine would cry a lot if not held so I used to clean or batch cook with him in the sling. He also liked sitting in the bouncer whilst I did a 15 minute exercise thing or we would walk a lot with either the pram or a sling. As a lone parent I feel you. I bet you are doing a great job.

I’m not a single mum, but I still feel this way!

I think you are doing the right thing by taking a time out by the front door if you need to. And I also think that a routine would help you. I used the routine in The Contented Little Baby with a few changes to suit my family. The key take away for me was learning the best timing for meals and naps and the gaps between them. It is helpful but don’t be a slave to it.

Yes unfortunately I have issues with muscles in my back and I can't hold baby in a sling at the moment.

Thanks. I think a routine would be good and he was doing it naturally but the bloody sunlight is causing an issue (we do have blackout curtains and TT blackout blinds) but still struggle

I'm so glad I don't have a sling baby as it would drive me mental. I was at the cinema and five women were rocking/swinging their hips to keep baby rested. Must be so hard!

I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it :(

Is Gina Ford the book?