Should I send DS2 to nursery?

[INeedASnooze]

I have DS2 (2.5yo) nd DS1 (15mo) who are with me at home. I am due to be returning to work and am thinking about sending DS2 to nursery when he is 3. This is not for childcare purposes as me or DH will always be home.

I personally don't want to but it's the sort of "done thing" so I feel like I should. We spend a lot of time at home doing fun activities, going on adventures and spending time with our extended family. We have lots of children in the family so the kids have a chance to play a lot with them. I also love getting the kids involved with cooking, home skills, exercise and outdoor activities.

I am wondering if I could somehow be hindering DS's development as that is something I do not want to do. I might send him 6mo before school so that school is less daunting. Overall I feel like I can offer more than a nursery can at home and I'm not really having a break from it as I have DS2 with me anyway.

DS1 is also very independent/confident and interacts well with others. I'm not worried about his development at present.

Thank you for your opinions :)

I'm a sahm and I sent my DD1 to nursery from age 2.5, 3 days a week. I felt it was really beneficial for her even though we did lots of child-focused activities and classes before nursery and on non-nursery days. I think it's hard to mimic the conditions for building the social and independence skills they get in nursery - part of it is about that group setting, and being away from a parent.

It was also very beneficial for my younger child as I had that time to have one to one time without their sibling around, which was great for bonding and for doing activities like swimming where we couldn't bring a sibling.

2.5 to 3 is the perfect age to start pre school education, when childcare isn't an issue. They all benefit from it at that age. Not just in terms of play based learning and social skills, but also in acquiring the soft skills they will need for school (sitting, listening waiting as a group and so on).

Do it. Half days would be plenty.

Do you think 3 half days will be enough to settle in? ... I'll have to get him on a nursery list now then.

You said you are due to be returning to work. Yes, of course, you should send him to nursery. Unless one of you will be not working at all times. Fine if you work 4-10pm, so you can do til 4pm and then dh takes over. But I assume from what you say, you'll both be working, albeit one of you will always be working from home?

If that is the case, yes, absolutely send them both. If COVID lockdowns taught me anything, it's that you can't work from home while properly caring for small children. My 2 year old spent lockdowns staring at the tv for 8 hours a day and eating beige freezer food so I could keep my head above water. Yes, we played outside, yes we did baking, no he didn't fall down a well and die. But it was hell. And it would have been so much better for him to be in nursery.

We will both work part time. Someone will always be free and not working at all.

From about 2.5y children really benefit from nursery even if it's not needed as childcare. 3-5 half days a week is probably best for him. It's a nice time to do something that suits the younger one best, or do chores that are harder with a 2.5yo in tow (eg shopping)

Personally I am not convinced that nursery is necessary as such for their development, probably learn more from spending time with you, however a change of scenery might be good and they do learn to make friends independently, to get into a different stage of their life :)
We always worked different shifts so one of us was home with the children, however I did send my eldest at preschool at 3.5(tried at 3 but really upset) and plan on sending my 3 yr old in September too. I will be on maternity so no need to send her, but I think it might benefit her, only part time.
I probably will send him part time and see how it goes, no pressure 🥰

I think I'm going to send him around 3-3.5. I took him to see some nurseries and I just felt that it was not right for him. He's honestly really mature for his age and literally had a month of being a terrible two. I just felt like he was a bit more ahead in terms of his social development than the children in his age group class.

I'm not trying to sound like one of those mum's with perfect kids, my second is a complete devil. But my first is really mature and has spent so much time with his 2/3/4/5yo cousins. He has really learnt a lot from them. Even when it comes to sharing, he is happy to swap and take turns (when supervised) so I think he will struggle with other 2yo's.

It's not hard for me to take him out too. He is super easy going and chill. I think he will prefer pre-school. :/

Thanks so much everyone.

I might look at some other nurseries too. The ones I saw were a bit grubby, I think that's putting me off too.

I also want to take them out to places like the lake district, to grandmas for sleepovers and even to other countries on my non-work days. Part of me is thinking why should I restrict my schedule with nursery days when he is going to be going to school in a blink of an eye.

Definetely look around and choose a place you think it's appropriate for him.
My son went to a preschool that was independent from school, there were children from 2 to 4 yr old; my daughter will go to the same place, but now it's changed to nursery and under the school...same ages, but will have a teacher.
To be honest, while still in preschool I still went when/wherever I wanted, just informed them on the days not going in. He got his hours booked and could claim funding so didn't stress about missing days and they didn't say anything about it.
Once they start school you are stuck with holidays anyway.

Do you need to decide now? If things are going well currently and you’re not feeling the need for anything extra, can you review in 6 months time once he is 3? Things can change.

I’m a SAHM and DS1 started nursery at 3 years 4 months, just doing two mornings per week 9-12 then increasing to three mornings after a term. Prior to that we did a lot of groups and classes together. I ummed and ahhed about whether to send him at all as didn’t need the childcare and things were going well. On balance I think it’s been a positive decision though.