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Child constantly commenting on skin colour

5 replies

Chevybaby · 04/06/2024 12:08

DS is 3. His father is from the Middle East and so he and all DS's family on his father's side have got black hair and dark skin. You wouldn't know it too look at DS however. My Nordic genes have massively prevailed and he is a big tall blond fair skinned toddler. But he is obsessed with brown skin and cannot pass a POC without pointing and saying "THAT PERSON HAS BROWN SKIN" sometimes closely followed by "like daddy or granny or insert cherished relative's name here". He also wants all his dollies to have black hair and brown skin.

I assume it's a phase but it's really dragging on, being going on for months and months.I know it comes from a place of excitement and love (and probably mostly longing as he doesn't see his paternal grandmother/cousins nearly enough) but it's getting embarrassing given how white I am and how white he looks. I always remind him that it's not polite to point or to comment on other people's appearance and that's worked for body shape or disability but with race he just can't contain himself, the excitement becomes too much.

Any advice?

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Echobelly · 04/06/2024 12:10

I'm not sure there's much you can do other than wait for it to pass, and if anyone gives you the stink-eye for it, explain his dad and family and middle eastern and he just likes noticing people who look like them.

Chevybaby · 04/06/2024 12:16

Echobelly · 04/06/2024 12:10

I'm not sure there's much you can do other than wait for it to pass, and if anyone gives you the stink-eye for it, explain his dad and family and middle eastern and he just likes noticing people who look like them.

Yeah my tactic at present is to not draw too much attention to it and hope he gets bored but I've wondered if there's any else I'm missing. I've had a few laughs from people when he uses the full phrase "THEY'VE GOT BROWN SKIN LIKE DADDY" because of how fair skinned he is but we've definitely had a bit of side eye too...

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MakeTheFriendshipBracelets · 04/06/2024 12:17

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Chevybaby · 04/06/2024 12:26

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You're so right. I think it's mostly because I live in a very white part of the world and am hyper aware of the racism/constant scrutiny DS's father experiences round here so it feels not great to think we're adding anything to anyone else's already full plate so to speak! But he is only 3 and I do know it will pass, it's just taking a while...

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Cadela · 04/06/2024 12:29

Just emphasise that we do not comment on people’s bodies, ever. Dd went through a phase of pointing out bald men, but I just explained and reiterated that it’s not kind to point out anything on another person or make comment.

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