Dad wanting to double barrel LO’s surname

[Louby286]

Hi everyone, just wondering if anyone feels the following is an unreasonable request, I don’t just for the record but just seeing others points of view and if anyone has had any experience.
Natural father Only found out about LO when she was 3 years old. Up until then mother had passed her off as her ex husbands to him and everyone else. It then came out she wasn’t his and she told natural father. He is currently going through the process of correcting birth certificate with a proven DNA test etc and now has regular contact with LO. However LO has “old dads” surname which is also mothers married name (now divorced) however mother refuses to allow natural father to add his name and double barrel. He’s being reasonable in so much as suggesting a double barrel as opposed to just his name but she says no she’s keeping it as her married name. She has another child with another man since and has given that child just her new partners surname so there’s no consistency with what she’s saying. Do you think it worthwhile pursuing it through courts if she remains adamant she’s not changing it? Going to try talking amicably to her about it again in the first instance. LO is 6 years old just for context.

I think it’s reasonable that the child keeps the surname it already has. The child had the mother’s married surname at the time it was born - that is completely normal.

The child is a whole person whose name should only be changed with consent. That can be done once the child becomes an adult if the child wishes.

until then, no one should be trying to change the child’s name. It shows a complete lack of respect and makes this all about the parent and not about the child.

Poor child has already gone through so much, when they’re old enough it should be their decision.

The father should let it go & be reminded that many women end up with different surnames to their own children, it doesn't alter or reflect on their relationship with them.

He should be less insecure, less territorial & focus on building a loving relationship with his child & an amenable co-parenting relationship with the mother.

Thanks for your opinions guys. As you say she’s been though a lot in such a short lifetime already! Mum has unfortunately lied since conception and before really but it’s a long story and always 2 sides to a story but it is a shame that a child is in the middle of the lifelong lesson of honesty is the best policy!! We don’t really know how LO has had it explained she’s gone from dad 1 to dad 2 etc etc and again it’s probably a conversation mum and natural dad need to have so when LO does start asking questions she gets told the child friendly truthful answer from both sides.

As the child is already at school using and probably writing it's name I would leave it but tell the child they can change it when they're older if they want to and they're always a member of x family . This is more about dad’s ego than what's best for the child.

Yes that’s sort of along the same lines as I’ve said. Leave it be but talk to mum to find out exactly what she’s told little one and exactly how this situation has come about as he just got a text one day telling him she’s his and csa want a dna test so you can start paying. Other than that he’s not background on it and he’s that laid back about everything and a typical man he’s never asked any questions about but has to be fair done the right thing and paid since it was a positive and has now built a relationship with LO. Just need to hope that LO now gets to lead a truthful life!