Dispute over school choice

[RoseHare]

Hi Everyone,

just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation regarding school choices and parents disagreeing. My son is due to start reception in September. Myself and his dad split up last year and I have moved in with my mother. I now live a half hour drive from the school he was due to go to and I want to look for a school closer to me but I know his dad won’t be happy. I went along with the original school choice to keep the peace but I just know it is not going to work for me logistically. I’m due to start a full time job in September as well so the drive either way twice a day is just too much.
We have no legal childcare arrangements and do have joint parental responsibility but I definitely have our son for the majority of the time. His dad sees him as and when he is available (he works for himself in the ents industry so his hours vary massively). Our son is registered though HMRC as living with me and I receive child benefit from them accordingly. I just don’t know how to approach the subject with his dad especially when I know this is going to massively rock the boat. Do I have the ability or right to just change his school application? Can anyone offer and advice or support?? I’m so stressed with it all.

Do the nearer schools have places? I wouldn’t rock the boat until I’d found an alternative school.

Is he starting reception in September?

Do you know if there is space at the school you’d prefer - if not then it’s all a bit irrelevant anyway.

Yes he is. I’ve asked at two schools which are in the catchment area for my new address and they both have places. I’m going to go and have a look around and get a feel for them. It’s just if/when it comes down to it can I change his school if dad disagrees?

The original one is lovely but the ones near me seem lovely too. I’ve got viewings at both so I will see. I’d never send him somewhere I felt wasn’t right for him and I do think having to do the car journeys there and back every day isn’t ideal for him either. He lives with me the majority of the time and I want him to make friends near to him and I’d love to be able to walk him to school and back some days with his scooter etc.

I assume he has parental responsibility ie is on the birth certificate ? If so then it’s supposed to be a joint decision, see here. If you can’t agree then a court would decide which school is in the child’s best interests (obv court is not ideal). But no you can’t do it without his agreement.

You can legally do it without his permission. However, obviously it is better if it's agreed first. He could go to court and seek an order that your son goes to the original school. The court would decide what is best for your son. Obviously it's much better if none of this is acrimonious.

You say his dad won’t be happy but have you actually spoken to him about it? I’ve seen several times in school where one parent didn’t want the child to come to our school (even when parents are still together) and every small issue, like minor accidents, child getting told off, child not making expected progress etc, is used as a stick to beat the other parent with.

No I haven’t properly yet. Think I’m trying to work up the courage. He put the school application in without my consent, when we talked about it he said that all schools where I live are rubbish and he wouldn’t consider them (none of this was based in any fact) I went along with what he wanted to keep the peace but my gut is just saying I need to change it.
Yes I can imagine parents do that and I already know that’s exactly what he will do if anything goes wrong at the school I choose. I’m seeking legal advice, maybe we can settle it through mediation….

It's really important for kids to have friends where they live and that happens mostly through school. It sounds like your ex is just being awkward.