12 nearly 13 year old DD attitude stinks

[Topcatoldskool]

Our DD will be turning 13 in August. Is it just me or does anyone else have issues with their DD?

Selfish behaviour, doesn’t help around the house, loves to back chat and argue with everyone. Her attitude is awful, will she ever grow out of it? This mainly started when went up to senior school just over a year ago and is getting worse. Constantly fights and bickers with younger brother who is 10.

Totally understand that it’s a mix of hormones, trying to asset authority etc but why do we always feel like we are the bad parents!

Its so draining, we put boundaries in place like taking phone off her but doesn’t seem to help..

Really starting to feel like a bad parent who would go above and beyond for kids but treated like a piece crap!

Honestly, I would look into parenting classes if you are looking for trained advice?

Did anything happen to her last year? Does she still have the same friends? Interests?

The book " How to Talk so Teens will Listen, and Listen so Teens Will Talk" is highly recommend.

My dd can be like this sometimes.

But l choose my battles carefully and so long as she isn't rude to other people, l can live with it.

I know she will want a favour off me sometimes so l gently remind her it will be a no if she doesn't improve. It's hard though.

Of course she’ll grow out of it. As unpleasant as it is, it’s normal and actually a good, natural thing that she’s beginning to pull away from you + form her own impression of the world.

I think its an age thing, I'm on my 3rd 13 year old and 11-13 is a difficult age, pick your battles

I say this on a lot of threads, but the time my child’s behavior was the worst corresponded with how miserable they were at school

My dd age 13 can be hard work too. I get my share of back chatting and eye-rolling and general complaint that I treat her unfairly (i don’t, I just ask for entirely reasonable things like cleaning up after herself in the bathroom, putting her waste in the bin, not leaving her floor covered in tissues, pens, cables and clothes. She is fundamentally lazy about these things - but will work very hard on homework and is great at caring for our pets so I think it is just plain old teen laziness, not a sign of future disaster coping with life).

She winds up her little brother. Then ten minutes later it has all blown over and she is playful, funny, incredibly sweet and kind.

I TRY not to yell at her. I really try. I do all the things I’m “supposed to” in order to keep her on track. She’s still lazy and rude 😂 but I love her to bits and I’m convinced (dh isn’t) that she will grow out of it.

It's normal to have a bit of attitude at this age. I really like the book Untangled by Lisa Damour about teen girls.

If you want her to 'help around the house', establish particular tasks she has to do with a particular frequency. Don't wait for her to volunteer to help; that's not going to happen much.

You don't give examples, so some of these can be interpreted variously, but:

Most kids and teens are pretty selfish in some way. That one is a 'grow out of'.

'back chat and argue' - often similar kinds of pushback are tolerated and considered acceptable in adults, but not in children or teenagers. What is it that she's arguing about? What is the 'back chat'?

Bickering among siblings is normal. Is it not mutual? Is it really that she's always the one starting fights with her totally innocent minding-his-own-business brother? I'd mostly leave these things between them to sort out.