20 and pregnant, advice please!

[i5kiwiii]

hii! i recently found out that i was pregnant around 3 weeks ago, im roughly 7 weeks and have my midwife appointment booked but i am just so nervous and unsure about everything. this is mine and my bfs first child so we don't entirely know what to expect :') bf works full time and i work part-time, was planning to go to uni and get a career but that is obviously going to have to wait haha! another thing to add is that me and my bf have only been together 5 months (friends for a couple months before going official).

i would just like some advice about anything and everything, like what is something you wished you knew before having a baby?

support is very much appreciated as im very stressed right know

You need to consider whether you can support this child entirely by yourselves. This isn’t a situation for your parents to sort out. Are you living together? How would you do this if the relationship doesn’t last?

If that’s all covered - enjoy it! But make sure your choice is the right one.

It's ok to be happy, it's ok to be scared, it's ok to be unsure and it's ok to feel like you need time for it all to sink in.

First things first, get yourself on to pregnancy vitamins in particular folic acid today!

Check in with your support system, who will you have around if your relationship stands up to the stress and if it doesn't. Also who would be there for you should you decide that actually keeping the child isn't what you want to do. I believe very few women terminate on a whim. Every one is a long thought out and not taken lightly. Women that chose to keep an unexpected baby are courageous but so are those that don't. Every decision is very personal to each individual woman.

Get some good careers advice, uni doesn't have to be held off indefinitely. Depending on the course some are doable whilst being a mum especially if you have a good support network around.

My auntie had my cousin at 18 and number 2 soon after. She got married whilst pregnant with their first and they recently celebrated their 25 wedding anniversary. There are lots of stories where lives and relationships fall apart but also lots of stories where they do flourish. Take each day and week at a time and just try to make the best decisions for yourself in each moment.

9 months of pregnancy are long and flu by but they do give you chance to get around the idea of a baby in your arms. I had a planned pregnancy and there was still a "oh fuck what am I doing" when it became reality. She's nearly 4 now and amazing.

Just talk and keep talking and talk some more.

A baby is going to change both your lives - for good, for bad and for ugly. I did the opposite to you as I was much older when I had DS, married and with grown up stepchildren. I was not prepared for how much my life changed. Yes, for the better but it’s not easy. You and bf will need to be a team for at least the next 18 years.
How old is bf and how does he feel about the pregnancy? Will he be able to support the three of you?

I agree totally with this.

I’m 25 and my husband & I have just had our first baby recently so can empathise with how you feel. In your shoes though right now at 20 and only being together 5 months, I’d think practically.

Where will you live?
Can you afford it?
Do you have a good support system?
If you split up, can you do it alone?

Good luck x

First of all - congratulations! Here is my story, if it helps:
Last year I got pregnant, aged 21, and I was absolutely terrified. I was about to start my final year of university, and I was working an amazing job that I did on placement for a year, who invited me to stay working there during my final year. Myself and my partner had been together for three years and lived together, but did not feel ready for a baby at all. My partner had just graduated, but didn’t have a job yet. I had no clue how I’d continue working or studying whilst pregnant. It was all a bit of a mess - so I booked an abortion.
Fast forward 11 months, I’m currently sitting on the floor in my living room with my absolutely perfect 9-week-old daughter smiling at me whilst I sing her nursery rhymes. And you know what? Everything worked out!! Obviously I never went to the abortion appointment. I completed my final year of uni while pregnant, finished my degree early so I could have my baby, carried on working and worked enough hours to earn full maternity pay, and my partner found a good job nearby. We genuinely couldn’t imagine our lives without our girl, and all of the hard work was worth it. My advice to you is, don’t stress!! Parenting is an absolute joy, and being young gives you much more energy! We take her everywhere with us, and we still see our friends often, who absolutely love her. We don’t have family nearby either, but we are managing very well on our own. Don’t listen to the people who tell you your life is over, or that it’s the hardest thing in the world - it isn’t. Babies need a loving home with loving parents, everything else will come later.
Best of luck xx

Congratulations! 20 is a wonderful age to have a baby. You will have so much more energy than I did at 36. I hope you and your partner have such a great time figuring it all out together.

I would agree that practicalities are the thing, at any age really.

You need somewhere to live, enough money for bills and rent, and a washing machine. Prams and things can be found inexpensively and babies grow so quickly, that they rapidly outgrow things.

The best advice I was given was "look after the money, your marriage and your health" and those are the three biggest priorities (ahead of things like having fancy gear or clothes and so on).

I didn't buy any maternity clothes at all. I just made a button extension with a hair band for my trousers once they got a bit tight.

Good luck!