When does having little kids stop feeling so stressful?

[spiderplantmum]

Maybe I'm alone here but I always feel on high alert with DD (2yo). A friend looked after her for an hour yesterday and said it had utterly exhausted him and had no idea how I do it. She's not a difficult child, just busy and into everything and he said he just constantly felt on edge, which is what I feel too. I enjoy her immensely but I'm wondering when people felt less on edge constantly and more relaxed in their kids' presence (or is it just me?). I feel like I'm always trying to stop her falling over/ pulling things over (innocently)/ putting things in her mouth/ creating a complete mess/having a meltdown in public.

Two and a half was a big turning point for my first child and then again at three. He’s now three and a half and that real intensity has gone though I did have another baby when he was two and a half!

Following with interest! DS is almost 2 and I'm beginning to see a little less intensity when at home (can watch TV for 10 min, can play with something alone for 5 min) but only if I'm in same room/next room and definitely not outside. If I think back a year he's so different, so I assume in a year he'll be totally different again!

Don't know when it gets easier OP, although I feel exactly the same with my 18 month old OP!

I think 18 months is one of the hardest stages in fact - I will admit to not massively enjoying my own DS at that age.

Eldest is 17 and learning to drive soon.

Never😩

The 2-3 stage is a big change.

I think a lot of it depends how quickly they develop language and decent understanding. My son has been good fun between 2 and 3 because his language skills are good. The 1 to 2 stage was hard for me because the language wasn't there yet but my god the physical side was there. He's very active and was running about and into everything but with little language yet and no understanding.

Now he's a wee pal and I like hanging out with him. I see it getting easier all the time.

2 and a half and we’ve seen a big change. Playing independently more and more, not as interested in trying to do everything you are doing eg I can clean a bit in peace as he’s not wanting to get the dusters etc 😂 and starting to get a small sense of danger like being careful not to tip things over.

My eldest was exactly like this, constantly on the move and into everything. High alert at all times started fading from about 2.5/3, and he's now 6 and while has his moments it's so much easier physically.

I hate to tell you this op but mine are 14 and 16 and I'm more stressed than I have ever been!

I think it varies by child. for me, with two children who are both naturally quite risk averse, it was relatively early in terms of hyper alertness - maybe around 3. But they remained very demanding in that there's constantly a need to do something or fetch somethign or soothe something or help with something. I have found around 6-8 is when they become a lot more independent. But I have a number of friends who would say much later than this. I was just speaking to someone last week for example who's youngest is 7 but she still has to get up promptly as soon as the Dc wake up as otherwise it's chaos.

I think that's a different type of of stress. When they're little, there's that knowledge you can't turn your back for a second. I found it exhausting.

I'd agree that older children have a lot of additional, unique challenges. But that sense of constantly being "on" as a parent definitely starts to dissipate a bit. I found those toddler years exhausting - it felt like I could never sit down even for 5 minutes without someone needing something or falling over or whatever. It was absolutely exhausting. And being on the go from the moment you opened your eyes in the morning. At least now I get regular lie ins and quiet mornings while everyone else is still sleeping!

You'll always get people on here with 23 year old children telling you it never gets easier, but honestly the relentlessness of babies and toddlers does end. You couldn't pay me to going back to under 4 years old. I'd say 4 was a big turning point but it carries on gradually improving after that. The teen years will obviously be very challenging but in different ways, you can't really compare.

Mine are 17 and 15 and I'm yet to relax . The on-alert feeling never fully went away. Of course, the constant physical keeping-an-eye on them changes (thankfully!) because you stop worring that they'll run into the road or fall off a slide, but you do just move on to other worries e.g. will they play well with friends, will they be careful crossing the road by themselves, will they ride the bike carefully. So yeh it changes but the worries are always there.

No idea what the emoji is doing in my post, sorry!

Hmm. My 4 yo is difficult in a different way if that helps 😬 he’s still really full on, high energy and argues back with gusto. But he’s less likely to kill himself in the house now than when he was 1-2. I don’t have to watch him constantly now although he demands my attention 24/7 so I might as well still be.

I think it changes a bit - older kids might be able to independently play with something by themselves for a bit, and they're probably not tripping over their own feet every two minutes or putting everything in their mouths. But if you have more than one, then they may be squabbling or wrestling and you need to wade in and prevent them getting hurt or referee what they're fighting over. Or they mope around whining "I'm bored, I don't know what to do, I'm boooooored" while refusing anything you suggest. Compared to a 2yo being happy playing with an empty cardboard box for ages! You expect a bit more independence from them, you don't need to spoon feed them, but you have to get them to come and sit up at the table, and chivvy them to get dressed, and insist they wash their hands after going to the toilet, still have to fight to get sun cream on them. They have more expectations about things that can be harder to manage, like when a friend doesn't want to play with them anymore, or when something they anticipate can't now happen. So less physical intervention, more reminding/nagging (constantly) and more complex emotions-managing.

Primary school

My grandson is like this. He is 2.5 now and has been high maintenance since he was about 1. He’s not naughty- quite the opposite, actually. He’s just very active, inquisitive, energetic, and very interested in everything. He’s also extremely loving and a delightful child to have around.

We’ve learnt to manage him better over time. We do lots of jigsaws and concentration games with him. if I’ve done a jigsaw with him a few times, then next time I’ll start him off and encourage him to finish it himself. I read to him a lot and then when he’s used to a story, I encourage him to tell himself the story.

We do other things that allow him self play too. Eg, I’ve filled 2 large planters with compost and given him a stool and lots of plant pots etc and he plays happily on there for an hour. He also plays Lego for a long time alone. This gives a bit of relief when he’s around.

I also involve him in a lot of my household chores. He loves cooking and chopping and I give him a plastic knife and soft veg to cut. Eg, tomato, cucumbers etc. and give him rice and pasta to weight out and measure etc etc. This means I can get on with my own stuff when he’s around.

My DIL has also learnt her own way of keeping him occupied. She used to get quite overwhelmed by the lack of me time before but over time, she’s managed it better.

2.5 was definitely a turning point, mine got slightly easier at that point (although you lose the nap around then too which is dire).

3.5 was another change, easier again. And then starting school was a big difference, once he'd settled in.

About 3yo when they can understand consequences a bit more - if you run off, we are going straight home. Oh look, here we are, marching home with you screaming. I never had to do it too many times, always follow through on a threat and they will believe you the next time!