hi everyone,
at my wits end here! My 7.5 year old has always been a bit hit and miss with her toilet habits. she was potty trained really easily at 2.5, and (perhaps a contributing factor- not sure), our nanny i found out was keeping her in her night nappy after her afternoon nap so she spent the afternoon playing in her night nappy and was just going in the night nappy to avoid having to stop playing. We stopped this, but then had a series of "wet knicker" incidents (mainly pee not poo, although occasionally poo) where she would hold and hold, refuse to go, say she didnt need it, and then leak in her pants. This got really bad to the point where I would ask her, please can you just try in case you need it? she would go and just stand behind the closed toilet door, but not actualy sit on the toilet, then come out pretending she had either done it or she had tried but nothing happened.
Occasionally she has done this with poo.
At night - she has never been dry. We stopped all night nappies, and take her at 10.30/11 and generally this stops her having an accident in her bed. I noticed yesterday she hadnt been all day and encouraged her to go try. she was resistant but i persisted, and when she went to the toilet she did need it. This morning in the bin I found dirty pants with poo in them. i asked her when they were from, she denied at first, then said last week and she was playing and didnt want to stop. She also doesnt wipe well and i keep reminding her but she just doesnt do it.
I have a 5 year old, and he has been dry since 3, day and night, no issues.
What would you do?
There are other points i want to mention in case helpful to give me some advice!
- i have suspected ADD/ADHD for a while - mainly because she cant sit still (watches tv on her head), non stop talks (and lies also, sometimes i think just to talk sometimes making up total rubbish), she can be "sneaky" - she is alway swanting more food (she is very slim but a serial snacker so i try limit snacks to 1-2 per afternoon to get her to eat at tea time), every teacher has said she doesnt listen, doesnt focus etc
- i did take her to a psychologist last year. they were a bit hopeless. didnt think it was add/adhd/autism - maybe on the edges, but they said too young to assess. they did notice she has what they called "determinism" -she does not let go of an idea. she comes back and back and back. eg at a party, she will always try get the parents to buy her something extra - an extra ice cream, extra croissant etc she will leave the group and try get something just for her. I dont understand why and get a bit embarrassed about it.
- friend wise - she is popular and kind. but she doesnt have "close" friends. i think she likes to flit around and if people dont play her game she moves to the next (she won't accomodate)
- she is intelligent (not excessively, but in the upper 1/4 of her class probably) but sneaky. eg she pretends she has done her reading but actually hasnt, just stares and turns the page. i buy her new books and she pretends to be eg on page 100 after 20 minutes, and just rushes through it. she hides things and sneaks food
any ideas would be so helpful. She gets 1:1 with me, and i adore her but its becoming v difficult to have a close relationship with her as i always question what is going on.