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Playdates - how do you create 'boundaries'?

15 replies

knickerelasticjones · 06/04/2008 14:48

A question on playdate etiquette I suppose....

Had a playdate last week at my house with my own two DDs (3 and 7 mnths) and my best friends two DSs (3.5 and 14 mnths).

Given that there were four children I would expect to be pretty busy, but to be honest I found it absolutely knackering as friend's DS1 was just all over the place.

It was sunny so I thought we'd play in the garden, but he constantly kept trying to walk through the flower beds / dig up the borders etc. NOthing horrendous, but all a bit trying. He also kept running into the house and dashing into different rooms. I tried telling him several times (as did my friend) that we were playing in the garden and not inside but he just didn't take any notice. (and he seemed to want to create chaos inside - bouncing on our bed, turning the taps on to make the bathroom sink overflow etc)

We finally decided it was time to go inside (after he had upended his drink during snack in the garden) and again I just couldn't keep him in one place. He ran into every room he could - at one point I had to hold the door of our bedroom shut to stop him going in there and tell him three times that he was not allowed.

At the end of the playdate I was knackered and the house was a bombsite. I don't want to imply that he was being a monster - he wasn't really, but he wasn't being particularly well behaved either and I found that he didn't listen to a damn thing I said.

So - to FINALLY get to my point. Do you think it is ok to physically prevent children getting into certain areas of the house - locking doors etc. When we were in the garden the only way I could have kept him there was to lock the kitchen door, but I was a bit worried my friend might think I was being a bit OTT if I did that. Is it a bit OTT - should I just accept that kids do run around the house and just get used to it?

It's not a huge issue, but it would make playdates so much easier if I knew that the kids wouldn't end up trashing the whole house!

I thank you.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
CristinaTheAstonishing · 06/04/2008 15:04

Welcome to the world of playdates. IMO it's ok to lock doors.

hana · 06/04/2008 15:06

of course lock doors or put certain rooms out of bounds. it's your house!
I don't let dd2's friends go upstairs - they are 3 - unsupervised, but dd1 who is 6 is fine.

motherhurdicure · 06/04/2008 15:06

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knickerelasticjones · 06/04/2008 15:21

Splendid - I shall be making a trip to B&Q this week.

Just didn't want people to think I was an obsessive freak who wants to turn the house into Fort KNox....

OP posts:
Alambil · 06/04/2008 15:48

Goodness you're more patient than I am!

oxocube · 06/04/2008 16:06

When kids are this little, I would advise keeping playdates short - no more than 2 hours. It doesn't stop the mess, but at least you can see an end to it

sweetgrapes · 06/04/2008 16:27

and did you have any water/sand play stuff outside or were you trying to play 'games'?

sweetgrapes · 06/04/2008 16:27

sorry, that's not really what you're asking, is it?

allgonebellyup · 06/04/2008 16:37

Did your friend not tell him off?

This would annoy me, if she just sat there and let you deal with him.

cherryredretrochick · 06/04/2008 18:40

If parent is there they should be in charge of upholding yur boundaries even if it isn't the same as there house rules. WE had a playdate who at 4.5 was like this and would not listen to me, mother was there but said nothing, needless to say we never had another with that dc again. Most playdates that we have between friends are actually OK.
You say do not go in my room, parent if present reinforces this.

KnickersOnMaHead · 06/04/2008 19:57

Message withdrawn

ArcticRoll · 06/04/2008 20:01

When my dc were that age parents always stayed. You were very brave imo.
I wouldn't have been able to cope with two babies and two three year olds.

knickerelasticjones · 06/04/2008 20:27

hello again - to be fair to my friend she was trying to stop her son from going quite so bonkers but he was just having a particulalry 'energetic' day.

(sorry arcticroll - didn't make clear in my OP that my friend did stay for this playdate!)

as I say, it wasn't a big deal really - I was just pondering how to have a slightly more controlled playdate next time and I think the answer is simply to cordon off some of the house (not that our house is very big!) so the kids can only play in the garden or in one or two rooms in the house. And you have all convinced me that my friends will not think I am a weird control freak if I do this!

OP posts:
lostittoday · 07/04/2008 10:20

Oh god you are brave having playdates at that age.
And so many of them.

kaz33 · 07/04/2008 10:31

I normally find that when my kids behave/d like this what they need is some undivided parental attention and then after they re-established their importance calm down a bit.

But no your house, your rules

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