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Original poster

Miserable Husband.

7 replies

Jessiep23 · 01/06/2024 20:14

I have been with my husband for 15 years we have 2 children together.

My eldest has just been diagnosed with autism and ADHD so we are negotiating this new territory as he has become much more challenging in his behaviour over the last year.

My issue is actually my husband, he is extremely snappy, rude, short tempered, irritable and stressy. He’s half glass empty about anything, negative and generally a misery to be around.

I think since my sons diagnosis it has become apparent he is likely on the spectrum too.

I feel like I am unable to say anything to him now without it annoying him, the kids can’t do anything without it annoying him.

He can’t go anywhere without being irritated be it traffic, queues other people.

He’s actually just getting on my nerves now.

He used to be the life and soul of the party we used to have such a laugh together, we was always such a strong couple, we have been through a lot over the years and have always come out of it but now his attitude and outlook on life is just miserable.

I have asked him if he wants to leave but he said he doesn’t.

I’m not sure what the point of this post is but has anyone been through similar. Have we just been through so much that maybe this is it for us now?

OP posts:
UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 01/06/2024 20:20

My DH went through a period of this when our DS was little. It was very challenging for everyone. I ultimately told him that I needed him to take ownership of his mental health and of his reactions to situations we found ourselves in together. And I made it clear that we couldn’t remain a couple otherwise. I take my marriage vows incredibly seriously, but also the wellbeing of our children, and I needed him to be in a better place for their sake as well as for his own. It ended up taking a 1-week ultimatum (as in, you have 1 week to find a therapist or to let me help you find one, whatever you prefer).

He ended up in weekly therapy for several months, and he will be the first to admit that it made a huge difference for him.

I hope that your DH is able to get similar support if you think that’s what the family needs.

Original poster
Jessiep23 · 01/06/2024 20:25

UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 01/06/2024 20:20

My DH went through a period of this when our DS was little. It was very challenging for everyone. I ultimately told him that I needed him to take ownership of his mental health and of his reactions to situations we found ourselves in together. And I made it clear that we couldn’t remain a couple otherwise. I take my marriage vows incredibly seriously, but also the wellbeing of our children, and I needed him to be in a better place for their sake as well as for his own. It ended up taking a 1-week ultimatum (as in, you have 1 week to find a therapist or to let me help you find one, whatever you prefer).

He ended up in weekly therapy for several months, and he will be the first to admit that it made a huge difference for him.

I hope that your DH is able to get similar support if you think that’s what the family needs.

Edited

I have suggested therapy to him but he brushed it off as not having the money or time and it won’t help.

I have actually started seeing an NHS therapist, it’s very early days as only had one session.

I’ve really tried to encourage him too.

OP posts:
CadyEastman · 02/06/2024 06:57

Like the PP, I've had to make it really clear to my DH what effect his behaviour is having on the family and how it is completely untenable.

There has been some improvement so far.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families Relationship problems
BananaPalm · 11/07/2024 09:53

@Jessiep23 Have you found any solution (bar therapy)? I'm in the same boat and slowly going mad...

Original poster
Jessiep23 · 20/07/2024 21:48

BananaPalm · 11/07/2024 09:53

@Jessiep23 Have you found any solution (bar therapy)? I'm in the same boat and slowly going mad...

Nope, he’s still miserable! I’ve spoken to him and he says he’s ‘fine’
I do feel we need to have a serious chat, but getting a chance to chat with the children here is impossible.

OP posts:
Flittingaboutagain · 24/08/2024 23:06

Found your thread from googling what it feels like here. How are you OP? Any change?

StormingNorman · 24/08/2024 23:07

He doesn’t want to leave. Ok. But what do you want?

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