How to get 1 year old and 3 year old to room share

[kombuchabucha]

I'd like to get our boys sleeping in the same bedroom. We have a 3 bed house, but one bedroom is used as an office, so our only option to get our room back is to have the baby (1y1m) move in with our older boy (3y2m).

Our baby is a great sleeper, sleeps through from 19:30 until almost 06:00 (unless he's teething or poorly) in his own cot, which is currently in our bedroom. Our older boy, not so much! I co-slept with him until 18m as every attempt to get him in his cot failed! He moved to a floor bed in his own room at 18m, but my OH has had to sleep in my son's room with him since then. We have tried multiple times to stop this but it hasn't worked so far.

We are hoping that having his brother in his room for company might help our 3 year old stay in his own bed in his own room all night, and allow my OH to move back into our bedroom!

I just wondered if anyone has been in a similar situation and managed to get out of it, and if so I'd love to hear what worked for you!

Hey, we have a similar issue (though it's the younger one who is the poor sleeper). We put them in together when she was about 1. She's 3 now and still often wakes overnight and comes to find us me. We ended up putting a day bed in the office so that an adult could go in there and the other stays in the master bed with whichever kid (usually the smallest but not always) has woken. I'd say now it's down to about once a week we use the office bed, but for a while DH basically called it his room. We decided to go with it just to maximise how much sleep everyone got. Felt easier than trying to fight the inevitable. If I'd been able to afford it I'd have bought a superking and just had everyone in together, but we just didn't have the spare funds.

Ive never co slept with either of mine so can't help with that, but do have my two sharing a room. We moved our youngest in to share when eldest was 5 and youngest was 18months and was great they go to bed at same time and they definitely are helped by keeping each other company. Hopefully if you make it really exciting that they are having a sleepover together etc that your eldest may be happy to have the company of their sibling rather than an adult. Good luck!

I have two children 18 months apart, both bad sleepers. I put the smallest one in their bedroom at maybe 18 months. It definitely didn't improve things. I think it was ok when the small one was in a cot (risk of cot being filled with cuddly toys though) but once they were both in beds there was a lot of messing about.

I think we did get there, but separate rooms has always been better for me. I'm a single parent so I was doing it on my own, but also less bothered about having my bedroom back.

Have a 4 & a 2yo boys.
We moved them together but what it did help was to make it THEIR ROOM. What I mean is, decorating newly for their first sleep over, having a few of their favourite things for them in there etc.
It's not all that perfect but definitely A LOT better than what it used to be.
There is ONE bed time rather than having to split between two rooms. In the morning that keep each other company (although this sometimes can back fire as there are two evil minds put together!)
BUT I don't think I would have it other way.
Our trouble will be when is time for them to have their own individual room trying to separate them!

When our eldest 2 dds were 3 and 5 we moved to a 3 bed apartment from a 2 bed one so they could each have their own room. They refused so we ended up using one as the playroom and the other as their bedroom. It worked well as both bedrooms were large - and we had a daybed in the playroom for guests!
Even when they were older and we moved into a house they still wanted to share and ended up sharing until they left home (both now early 30s, married with dc).

You just have to do it and see how it goes.
Some siblings are fine sharing very young, others not so much. You have to think about toys that older child has that are not safe for younger one at that stage, if older may try to get in cot etc etc

My question is why is co-sleeping not an option?

It’s never going to work while you constantly give in and sleep with him. The problem is that he knows this now so it will take longer to break that habit. I’d get the older one sleeping alone first before moving the younger one in as it’s not his issue to deal with and deserves a good night sleep.

Put a stair gate on the door so when your son gets up he can’t leave his room. Keep telling him it’s time for bed, then he’ll fall asleep eventually. It really won’t be easy, but your life afterwards will be a lot easier as a result of it.

This is so cute. I’m exactly the same with my sister. Built in best friend !

Thanks for all the replies! It's great to hear other people's experiences.

@outofbatteryyou've given me hope that the majority of nights can be good, thank you!

@nickelbabe not sure if you mean co sleeping with one or both children, but the 3yo is happy in his own bed, just doesn't want to be on his own in the room. My 1yo is also happy in his cot. We wouldn't mind room sharing with both boys if we had a bedroom big enough but we live in a new build with teeny tiny bedrooms! I've managed to squeeze a cot into our room but there is no room for another bed for the toddler.

@Manthide that is so sweet, I hope my boys will be that close one day!

@ElvinBoys yes I think we've been stuck in survival mode for a while and just did what was easy to get the sleep we needed function. Obviously looking to make a change now.

My 2 (2.5 year gap) have shared since dc2 was 18 months (in our room until then).

Weve always had separate bedtime routines - younger one has stories first (if I’m doing bedtime solo then dc1 listens while I read to dc2) and then into cot (now bed), then I read stories to dc1 in my bedroom. At first dc2 would be asleep by the time DC1’s stories were finished but now she is mostly awake but listening to the yoto player. I think it’s important that they still get individual time at bedtime.

They are 3.5 and 6 now and chat sometimes or wind each other up but mostly it works great.

The co sleeping is a separate issue - dc1 used to come into our bed in the night. We used the gro clock and sticker charts and he eventually stopped doing it.

Ours were very happy together until about 7&5 when we split them. If I remember correctly they were very excited to move in together and certainly made getting them up and to bed easier.

@AliciaSoo good idea about making a big thing about it being their room.

@Grinchinlaws helpful to hear about the separate bedtime routines, I agree this is a very special 1-on-1 time that I wouldn't want to lose and wasn't sure how that would work once they are in together (hopefully!). We also have a yoto player but haven't incorporated it into bedtime yet other than the use the nightlight as a gro clock - it has really helped my 3yo stay in his bed, he waits for the green light before going into my OHs bed in the room for a cuddle.

Give it a try. It was like musical beds in our house, they all had their own rooms. Sometimes they would all pile in with me if their dad was away. Other times I would find one, two or three in a room and sometimes I would fall asleep reading a bed time story in one of their beds. As long as everyone got a sleep I was happy. I hope they love being together. Happy sleeping.

We have boys with a similar age gap and moved our youngest in with his big brother when he was about 15 months. We also have a 3 bed house but need to use one room as an office so this was our best option. Our eldest actually was so excited about it and has taken it on as a sort of big brother role to look after his baby brother while they’re in there together and I can hear him chatting away to him, especially in the mornings. I feel it has been great for the youngest as he is comforted by having his brother there with him
and he sleeps really well. My eldest has always been a good sleeper to be honest but I think he really enjoys the company and they have bonded so much since sharing a room. It’s been about 7 months now and they seem very settled. I mentioned to my eldest that one day they will be able to have their own rooms (we will either move or extend) but he was horrified and asked why and didn’t like the idea of being on his own again! I’m not sure if that will change, but it works really well for us and I find if either of them wakes in the night they get back to sleep quickly which wasn’t always the case before they shared. We moved them into the bigger of the bedrooms so it was a new room for both of them (rather than our eldest having to make space in his room for his brother) and have part decorated it with plans for more decorating soon (with 4 year old providing lots of ideas!). It will be different for everyone of course but we’re very glad we tried it and now wouldn’t change a thing. Listening to our 4 year old teaching his brother new words when they wake up is just the sweetest!