Any other 4 year olds like this?

[Angharad78]

Am desperately worried about DS. He’s 4.5. He’s our first child. He has a younger sister.

He’s always been a bit of a handful but lately, the difference between him and his peers has become stark.

A few examples:

He chatters away to himself endlessly but struggles with correct tenses and pronouns in both the languages we speak at home. He tends to address everything in questions.

He cannot recount a story.

He clearly struggles to express what he is feeling. he gets very anxious and asks repetitive questions.

He rarely sits still - especially at mealtimes or story time. He can get engrossed in Duplo or small world play and play for 10 or 15 minutes.

He can dress himself but gets wildly distracted so it takes an age and a lot of prompting.

He has not learned to ride a bike. He is disinterested in kicking balls etc though he can swim.

He still parallel plays - he does not talk about his peers in nursery though he does not seem scared of them.

but there’s loads of other stuff he can do -

He can remember really obscure things - such at the name of the painter who decorated our bathroom a year ago.

He can sing songs he’s learned in nursery.

He can make jokes (which are actually quite funny) and loves to make his sister laugh.

He is incredibly perceptive about feelings. If I say a sharp word, he immediately becomes anxious and looks for reassurance. If his sister cries, he comforts her.

Nursery say “they’ve never known a child like him”, my parents say he’s “odd”. DH and I now looking at everything he does through a lens of “is this neurodivergence or is he just a bit immature”? TBH, it’s really beginning to affect me.

So, dear mumsnetters, has anyone ever had a lad like my lad? And how did it turn out?

He chatters away to himself endlessly but struggles with correct tenses and pronouns in both the languages we speak at home. He tends to address everything in questions.

• This isn’t unusual in bilingual children. It’s worth getting his hearing checked to rule out an issue.

He cannot recount a story.

• This is unusual

He clearly struggles to express what he is feeling. he gets very anxious and asks repetitive questions.

• I’m not sure. Normal for my eldest but she maybe ND.

He rarely sits still - especially at mealtimes or story time. He can get engrossed in Duplo or small world play and play for 10 or 15 minutes.

• Normal for some children

He can dress himself but gets wildly distracted so it takes an age and a lot of prompting.

• normal

He has not learned to ride a bike. He is disinterested in kicking balls etc though he can swim.

• Normal for many children

He still parallel plays - he does not talk about his peers in nursery though he does not seem scared of them.

• Unusual

I think the key issue here is nursery doesn’t think it’s normal. They will have seen lots of children. Ask to speak to nursery senco and find out their concerns and then speak to your HV.

Thanks so much for your reply @Sunnysummer24 I should possibly have put a bit more detail in my OP.

We took him to private ENT consultant. No physical problems but they didn’t do a hearing test. I’ll look into this.

he actually attends two nursery settings. A private daycare where he’s been since he was 13 months. They very much take the view this is “just Bob being Bob”. Not his real name! He is very friendly to several of the staff who worked there.

Hes also been going to the nursery attached to the school he’ll attend from September since last September. They acknowledge he’s different but as he doesn’t require any particular intervention, they don’t propose any further action for now.

Hopeful bump

Agree with PP. DD is just gone 4.

She also asks endless questions, the same ones multiple times even when I've just told her the answer. Drives me absolutely bonkers. She can however tell you a long ish story like Rapunzel. She also remembers random things from 1-2 years ago.

She has been in school around a year but does talk about her friends a lot and absolutely loves playing with them all. Even set her own play date up the other week.

She can't ride a bike without stabilisers or swim without arm bands yet.

She's not bad at dressing herself and can concentrate on a game for a while if it interests her. Might only be 2 mins if not. My mother has worked with lots of children and has said her attention span is good for her age.

I think 4 seems to be a tricky age. There are lots of posts on this forum about 4 year olds x

My son was very like how you have described yours at this age. He's now nearly 7 he is very interested in his peers (although this only happened In the last year or so) does not say so many obscure things. He is still not interested in bike riding or kicking a ball as a first choice but will do it if his peers are. His school and nursery put some extra support in place around his emotional and social development. He still has some quirks but has developed so much.

I spent so much time worrying about it and now I realise it was wasted time. All children develop different skills at different times but it's so hard when you see your child is struggling.

I guess the point of this response is to just give you piece of mind that he will change so much over the next few years but if nursery feel he needs extra support then go with it. 🙂

Thank you so so much for this. We’ll absolutely pursue the support but my instinct is he will get there in time. There are small progressions every day. Is there anything in particular you did with your son at home you thought was beneficial?

Four is hard! Just when you think it should be easier!! On the question asking, I have had some success by giving him things he can check. I.e when he asks where our neighbour is (not sure why he does, but he does!) I tell him to go to the window and look for her car. I’ve noticed he’s started doing that and then narrating the answer to himself.

Loads of it sounds normal - being active and fidgety, not riding a bike, distractable etc.

All kids ask loads of annoying questions imo. If he is bilingual it has probably impacted his language development. The only one that stood out to me is the story one - can he add words to pictures (eg retelling a picture book he is familiar with)?

How old is his sister?

I have a 2.5 year age gap between mine and in hindsight my expectations of my eldest were too high (even at 4) - I expected him to be much more grown up because he was so much bigger than the baby. I also didn’t really account for jealousy which didn’t kick in until the baby got more interesting. When DS was 4 DD was 1.5 and learning to talk and getting lots of praise for that - he was jealous and struggled to articulate his feelings which resulted in him acting up. He was also very shy at nursery and didn’t have any friends which worried me.

Fast forward 6 months and he started reception, absolutely loved school, made loads of friends and I wondered what I had been worried about.