How am I going to manage bedtime with two?

[Peaplant20]

Hi everyone

My about to turn 3yo has always needed so much support to get to sleep. Currently we cuddle her in an armchair and then transfer her to her cot/bed. Am due with number 2 in 6 months. I’ve taken off the side of the cot in an attempt to get her to fall asleep IN the bed with me next to her but she just won’t have it. She just cries and gets out. My thought process was that once she can fall asleep in her bed I could slowly transition to her falling asleep alone.

Ive tried at various points in her life to get her to fall asleep IN the cot and failed. She would just scream and cry for up to an hour when we’ve tried before (despite being with her and comforting her with tapping, shushing, singing).

help!!! How am I going to manage when baby arrives? Husband is very frequently not home in time for toddler bedtime.

She would just scream and cry for up to an hour when we’ve tried before

I would just keep trying. Over. And over. And over. Just reassure and leave. Reassure and leave. Eventually stop reassuring, no eye contact, just put back to bed and leave. Expect her to scream and cry. She is ok. She is safe.

My DS went through a phase of getting out of bed and one night I put him back to bed 30 times in a row. I was in early pregnancy as the time and knackered too. It was awful. After about a week it stopped. He then started getting up really early instead and we got a gro clock and bribed him with tiny dinosaur toys to stay in bed. After a couple of weeks that was sorted to. You have to be really firm though. It is hard.

They do eventually get it. Lots of praise the next day when they do, tell them how proud you are of them etc.

Good luck!

I think this depends.

What matters more? The 3yo falling asleep independently even if it leads to ++ distress or the stress of juggling a toddler and a newborn who both need you at 7pm?

Personally I would go for the first option, now. The worst outcome would be sleep training the eldest in desperation when the newborn is here. But only you know where the pendulum lies.

I’ve just Googled for ideas about this. There’s plenty on the web to give you some guidance.

Id try letting her cry it out, even if it takes an hour! Tough love?

Have you tried bedtime story, nursery light, some kind of quiet music, role playing bedtime with dolls during the day ?

I’m sure others will be along soon with better ideas. I hope it’s resolved for you both soon.

I would firstly get rid of the cot entirely and get her in a toddler bed or low single. Talk up the Big Girl Bed, it’s needed for the new baby etc etc (we had a Princess Polly book to that effect). Get her to help choose bedding.

Falling asleep happens in the bed, no questions asked. Cuddles and hand-holding (at this stage) but every time she gets out of bed she’s put back in. Consistency and you’ll win. Once the going to sleep in the bed bit is cracked and you’re into a routine with it you could work on the falling asleep without contact. Supernanny has a technique for that which worked wonders for mine, against expectations!

This with bells on. Consistency is key. Even down to the words you say. I made damn sure that whoever was settling our DS said the same ‘key phrase’ every time they were put back to bed. That consistency will tell the child that they will always be heard, someone will always come to them, but that it’s also still time to go to bed and stay there.

If your OH can take a few days off work so that you can both get some rest after the first few rough nights, so much the better. But stick with whatever plan you choose, do not deviate from it and it will pay dividends.

My DD is 2yr9mo and still needs help to get to sleep and I'm due in three months. To be honest with most things so far we've taken a "cross that bridge when we get to it" approach, so I'm doing the same this time. Who knows what will change in the next 6 months, my DD was still feeding twice in the night 6 months ago, now she's completely weaned and only needs a handhold to fall asleep so why do something to distress her now when 1. It might not work based on previous attempts and 2. It might not be necessary anyway. For mine I'm thinking a newborn is often happy enough in a sling so will do that for bedtime, if you could do that you could then potentially have your DD snuggled up next to you in a side cuddle?

At 3 they can start to understand the future a bit more. So I'd do a lot of talking about big girls going to sleep in their bed not the chair and mummy sits with them for a short while to talk. Then mummy has to (insert task) next door and will come back. Go back after 10 mins for a cuddle.

Maybe even draw pictures and put it up in her room. Get her to remember what order everything happens before she starts to do it.

You can buy a special cuddly toy too that she helps pick.

After a few days of talking about it, you start to do it but it's not such a surprise.

Consistency is key. Dd had so much anxiety around bedtime and we had to approach a change in this way .

If you get her in a single bed you can get in with her (to start with!) while she falls asleep? We started with that and stayed with DS until he fell asleep, now we stay for 3 songs (about 5 minutes) and leave him to it. We put a fold down barrier on the side of his bed so he doesn't roll out.

I’d get a proper single bed. Then you can lie with her and roll away. Then transition to a chair next to the bed. Ideally you’d then move the chair across the room, til you’re further away, then out of the room altogether but if you end up in a chair next to the bed with baby in a sling it’s still hopefully manageable.

We had a small camp bed next to our bed for our 3 year old. When we had our second, we also had him in with us at first in a carry cot, but he fidgeted so much I could hardly sleep, so we put him in his own room which helped more with feeding, changing and settling. He slept way better than his elder brother, I am sure what helped was going to bed at 9 pm with whilst pregnant with second son as once he was born, straight from the first day home, he went to sleep early every night.

Don't panic yet I was in a similar situation this time last year. My (then) almost 2 year old was held to sleep every night and transition into her cot once asleep and I had all the same worries. But very quickly things changed and by the time baby was born in Jan we'd got to a point where she could be put in her cot and go to sleep on her own (and we'd been doing that for a good 5 months at that point so you've got loads of time for things to change). We did it by first laying next to her holding her hand, to then telling her we'd pop back in every 5minutes etc. like others have said you just need to be consistent and they soon seem to get the idea. Sometimes we still have the odd blip and my husband is also not always here at bedtime but you do manage (even if it means both me and the baby are sometimes laying on her bedroom floor 😂)

I had this exact thing.

You need a double flooor bed. Initially hold her in your arms in bed, then move to lay down cuddling, then you by the bed holding hands, then you popping ti get something and going back immediately then eventually not going back. I did it really gently so it took months but by the time baby arrived I just put him in bed read a story gave him a kiss and left. It's well worth putting the work in before baby arrives.

Good luck!

you dont need to leave them to cry. You can use the night garden while getting baby sorted, then sit cuddling both, feeding baby while bedtime story to eldest etc, cuddle to sleep. move the cot out now and go to a bed make that much easier.

So we have almost 2 year old twins whom are a nightmare to put to bed and always needed to be rocked to bed. When they got to 18 months or so and it was taking my husband and I both to still put them to bed and that left our older daughter alone for awhile. We changed things. We are not there yet with them falling asleep independently, but getting there. So to start with we would lie them on top of us on our bed then once asleep transfer to their cots. Then progressed to lying them by us and cuddling them. Then progressed to holding hands.

We have now put them in toddler beds (About a month ago). When they first went into toddler bed we spent a day of playing in the beds and them getting in and out and putting dolls/teddies to bed. At bedtime 1 of us lay next to the bed and held their hands. Then progressed to sitting by the beds. Currently at the point of sitting nearby (edging towards the door). Telling them it's sleep time everytime they moan or get out of bed.