Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Does your dh look after the dcs for a whole day a week or more? and what do you do if he resents it?

28 replies

woodstock3 · 05/04/2008 19:24

We both work ft in demanding jobs but i have a day off in the week and work saturdays, he's mon to fri. so it made sense for him to look after 10mo DS on saturdays. also means ds gets 3 days with one/other/both of us and only 4 in childcare.
i've been back at work 2 months and tho im knackered i think it's working - ds is happy with fantastic nanny, i enjoy my job, got used to having no sleep. I wouldn't want this manic life forever but we want another baby and agreed i would stay ft in this job until then.
DH however never stops moaning about how tired/stressed he is, complains ceaselessly about how difficult it is having the baby all day, and says we cant go on like this.
We have a cleaner for a couple of hours a week but I do all the housework: I handle all finances, organise what little remains of our social life, do the DIY and organise the builders (we're doing up the house), do the garden, it's me who gets home in time for bed and bath five days a week and does 90 pc of childcare outside work. Everything else - booking holidays, remembering birthdays, organising ds's stuff - is me. DH's sole responsibility is the car (er, MOTing it once a year...) and the dog (tho i also take turns feeding/walking/clearing up after him too).
Maybe i should have posted on AIBU since my essential question is: i accept his job is tough and we're both tired as ds is an early riser but compared to mine, i think his life is pretty bloody easy. He clearly feels differently. Am i entitled to expect him to just get on with it? Or am i expecting too much of him and me to manage 2 full-on careers and baby without a weekend together?
If a mummy friend said she found being home with dcs hard work, i'd sympathise, but i seem to have no sympathy for dh. Sorry for wittering on but want to know what others think....

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
woodstock3 · 06/04/2008 14:49

pheebe i like your list idea but we have tried this once. basically there was a fuck of a long list on my side and a loooot of white space on his. at this point he agreed to take on responsibility for a few more things around the house. and then promptly didnt. within a month, we were back to status quo as i couldnt face the alternatives of either constant arguments or victorian squalor.
what this is making me realise is that how little he does and how much i do has been a fairly constant theme in the ten years we've been together - childcare is only a new facet of an old argument. it's just that this is the first time we've been unable to duck the issue - because someone's got to look after ds when im not home and im buggered if i am going to pay for childcare while dh sits around playing computer games.
gagarin, i did ask what his solution was. apparently it's for me to change my job.

OP posts:
rookiemater · 06/04/2008 14:59

Ok so its about more than just looking after your DS. He is lazy.

If it were me and I was doing all the housework and childcare, I'd threaten to give up my job as lets face it you are doing everything that a SAHM does as well as bringing home a salary.Let him work through the financial implications of that and see if it helps with the attitude adjustment.

Mrspanic · 06/04/2008 15:12

Tell your dh to just suck it up and get on with it. Presumably his 5day per week job can be left behind when he gets home ? Yes ? And yours too ? yes ? Then he'll get a bit of head space those evenings, ready for saturday. And from what you say, it works out that you look after ds on your midweek day "off" work, leaving both of you free Sunday. What on earth is his problem then ? yes the unrelenting nature of caring for a young child can be completely knackering, but it's no more or less than you do is it ?

Different perspective here because I'm a sahm, but we have 4 dcs and dh works very long hours usually over 6 days. My weeks can be very busy and full on but you just get on and do what's necessary surely ?

That said, he cooks breakfast for the younger 2 early on weekend mornings - used to cook for all 4 but the big ones now like a lie in - plus brings me a cup of tea in bed and doesn't mind if i lie in for a bit. By then i need it, as I'm sure does he, but neither of us feel taken for granted.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page