Contact arrangements with ex

[PopcornPop]

Since I split with my ex he has never taken them overnight or to his house. He would only see them by coming down to my house. I allowed this to begin with as they were quite young when we split but as they got older I felt like it was no longer necessary for him to continue to see them at my house (it was extremely uncomfortable tbh but I allowed it so he would see them) once I started suggesting he took them out he started to turn flaky and would constantly cancel or just just not show up at all. He never had any set days because he refused to and would only see them when he wanted to and would give me very little notice. But since asking him to take them out he pretty much stopped coming for months at a time or would say he was coming then wouldn't hear from him. Eventually I stopped allowing this because it was upsetting the children too much he started not wanting to see him and he was messing around promising to come down to take them places and then I would have to deal with the upset of him inevitably not showing up so I put a stop to it which they agreed with and told me they didn't want him coming down anymore. He recently got back in contact and told me im stopping him from seeing them. I would love nothing more than for him to see them and have an actual meaningful relationship with him, I wanted to suggest he took them every other weekend but people have said I should not suggest that. So how can I word it then? How do single parents decide on contact time? I would love nothing more than him to see the children regularly and consistently not promising to come down here to "take them out" and not showing up. I think if he is prepared to take them for weekends then that is something we can work on. I don't get any time to myself and I'm with them 24/7 of course I would love a break! I don't have any family so I don't have people that would look after them so of course I would like him to take them I have never not wanted that and I have tried over the years to get him to take them but he only wanted to see them at my house (Though won't be mentioning that to him) so how would you word a text to suggest he takes them for weekends?

The starting point is getting some consistency from him l think, in terms of not letting them down. Before getting into longer term arrangements. He needs to step up and properly prove himself

Going from nothing to whole weekends would be a lot to expect your children to cope with, especially when they already know he’s not someone they can aways trust.

I’d start off by seeing if he can be reliable for an afternoon, then a day then an overnight before I was comfortable with a whole weekend.

Suggest he take them on a day out. Then if he shows up, suggest that you could make it a regular thing. Same day every week. Once he has proven that he is reliable, then start suggesting ebery other weekend.

I wouldn't let him have them overnight until he proven he wants to be in their lives and the kids get to know him again. Also you need to make sure he has the ability to have them overnight, like beds, toys etc. Talk to the kids too, see what they want.

They are older kids so not massive issue. I don't want to suggest days out again. He's been no contact for a year so don't want him to come down for the day again then disappear again, I want to at least discuss the possibility of weekends again before contact was to start so he knows that seeing them "for the day"'isn't a long term option.