Am I expecting too much - anxious

[Mommmyof3]

This is my first time posting and I'm not really sure what I'm expecting to gain (support, reassurance), but here goes...

I'm a mum of 3 (6, 4 and 4 months)

Since having my little boy. I have been consumed with anxiety. I worry about his development all the time and if he doesn't do a certain thing, there is something wrong. Mad I know.

It started when the health.visitor measured his head circumference at 6 weeks and told me it had grew too much. Then at 8 weeks the Dr referred him to an ophthalmologist because he didn't look up. I googled like mad and have been on a downward spiral since.

His head circumference evened out and the ophthalmologist discharged him with no concerns but I still find myself watching him like a hawk and work myself up into a panic.

He smiles and makes some noises (he's very quiet). He has rolled a hand ful of times but shows no other interest in it. He will grab toys. But he doesn't push himself up when on tummy, he focuses more on chewing his hands. I just feel he should be doing more.

Am I expecting too much of him? Am I letting my anxiety run wild?

If you've had two HCP's raise concerns already you'd be pretty obtuse not to have some level of anxiety. If you were anxious from his birth or are having trouble dealing with your anxiety, I would talk to your HV about how you're feeling

Is the HV going to see him again? I'd be tempted to do the 4 month Ages & Stages and ask your HV to mark the results.

Thank you for replying!

I've spoken to my HV and Dr about my anxiety, I'm currently awaiting an appointment for talking therapy- I'm hoping that will help!

I'm seeing HV again in a couple of weeks, I'm in two minds to bring it forward. I just feel like he should be doing more :(

I'm seeing HV again in a couple of weeks, I'm in two minds to bring it forward. I just feel like he should be doing more :(

If he was mine I'd definitely fill in the Ages & Stages over the next week or so and ask the HV to score it. If there is no concerns then that's fine but if it shows that there may be something, your HV can then refer him to a Paediatrician.

I'd be tempted to trust your gut feeling.

I'm scared of my gut feeling being right!

I'm scared of my gut feeling being right

I know. It's scary isn't it. My gut feeling was right with my DC2 even when I'd had years of HCPs and Teaching Staff saying there was nothing wrong and they just couldn't see it. Even had one SENCO laugh in my face when I brought it up. It's take an extraordinary long time to get them on the Pathway for Assessment for ASD but we're getting towards the end of the process now and have been told a diagnosis shouldn't come as a shock.

Trust that gut feeling and use it as motivation to get him assessed

Did you have concerns when DC2 was a baby? And if you don't mind me asking, what were they if you did

Not really at that age although looking back they were very quiet and didn't babble.

Thank you @CadyEastman ! I'm so worried!

! I'm so worried. I know. I totally get how you feel. It's not been easy with DC2, I'd be lying if I said it was but they are turning into a really wonderful teen. They have a job, know when to take themselves off when they're feeling overwhelmed and have sine plans for the future.

I know you’re very anxious, but I really really wouldn’t listen to anyone suggesting that a 4 month old can be diagnosed with ASD… your baby is so TINY, we were worried our son wasn’t looking to the right (I was obsessed about it) and he’s 8.5 months now and crawling, smiling, babbling. It’s really way too early to diagnose for autism. ASD, ADHD…

That's how I am at the minute @mrsdarthlord - obsessed with everything he's not doing. I'm so hoping it be the case in a few months time he'll start to do more. Did you feel at 4 months your little boy wasn't doing what others were?

I wasn't aware anyone was? Can you quote me back on that please?

Your little one sounds very similar to my four month little girl. She’s only just turned 4 months but her hands are definitely her favourite thing.

Shes rolled a couple of times but doesn’t really show interest in doing it again. When doing tummy time, she lifts her head up but can’t push herself up yet. She reaches out to grab toys but can’t then coordinate enough to do anything with them yet so just drops them again.

If the health care professionals have given the all clear, just keep monitoring his development and as hard as it is, try not to worry too much!

Do you go to any baby groups that you could chat with other parents with babies of a similar age?

@LuckyMumofTwo thanks for replying that's really reassuring. He just doesn't seem to want to use his arms, is that what your little girl is like?

I dont go to any baby groups, infact I don't really get out much (which I know doesn't help)! I'm due to go back to work tomorrow, so I'm hoping that's a good distraction.

Who will be having baby whilst you're at work @Mommmyof3?

@CadyEastman my mom, which eases me because I know he'll be in capable hands!

Yeah she doesn’t have much control of her arms. There’s lots of flailing around
and punching me in the nose 😂 She grabs toys if they’re hanging and will hold them for a bit. She gets very frustrated that she can’t coordinate herself to get them into her mouth. We go to Baby Sensory and I would say she’s similar to the other children her age.

It would definitely be worth getting out to a group of you can as seeing others his age might help to reassure you.

@LuckyMumofTwo mines not the only one then! It's so hard because I have my older daughter and son, and I'm trying to think back as to what they were doing his age!

Does your babies development ever worry you?

With my first I was so worried and did all of the ages and stages development things to see what he should be doing at each age but I’m not so worried this time. I think because it didn’t make any difference if he was a month or so late doing certain things. He's 4 now and nursery say he’s doing well and he’s very ready for school. So I’ve not been as obsessed this time as I know it’ll be okay even if she doesn’t meet a milestone at exactly the right time.

I was the same with my second, but this little man has completely thrown me off course!

Thabk you for answering my questions, I really appreciate it!