Is this normal for 3.5 year old?

[Cornflakes44]

I'm starting to worry about my 3.5 year old. She is very hyperactive. Literally can't sit still. We can't do anything like go to a cafe, or theatre or cinema. Even at home she's crawling all over the couch. Unless she's watching tv then she'll be like a zombie and won't respond to anything (we limit it). She only has a few things she'll eat, she won't do anything for more than a minute, then she's on to the next thing. She always has something in her mouth, usually her fingers, she chews and licks everything. Hayes having her hair brushed, washed. Doesn't like loud noise. My partner thinks she's ADHD. I think it's a bit early to tell but I'm really starting to worry. She was all over the place this weekend. Has anyone had similar with a toddler who chilled out later and if they did when did it get easier. It's really really challenging at the moment. Thanks

I think it’s at the more energetic end of normal. You mention cafe/theatre etc but how much actual fresh air does she get?

I think 3YOs that will behave in a cinema or theatre are definitely a minority. My eldest is a pretty chilled child but I wouldn’t have attempted either before 4. My youngest is 3 years 3 months and still can’t manage a movie at home, unless it’s Sing because he really likes that, so I sense we’re still miles off! Cafe I would expect them to be ok but that’s with some entertainment like colouring if there’s going to be a bit of a wait for food, and bribery in the form of a pudding afterwards for good behaviour! We eat out fairly often though so they’re really used to it. The rest IDK about. Preschool describe my DS as ‘busy’ as he likes to do a lot of different things, but they don’t seem concerned about it. Does she go to nursery and what do they think?

My 3yo is similar. Never sits still and constantly clambering over everything. I have always been worried about ADHD but nursery say he's just a normal toddler 🤷‍♀️

Could be, might not be. Sounds like DD and she is diagnosed.

Very few 3yo cope with cinema or theatre.

Cafes depends on experience.

I think it's one of those where it's too early to tell, worth being watchful but also she might just be the high energy end of "typical".
Kids display sensory seeking behaviour even without a condition, such as the oral fixation.
What do nursery think?

Sounds very much like my dd. I was wondering about adhd but it’s probably too early to tell and she may just be an active 3 year old.

Thanks for the responses. Cafes are the worst, we always have colouring etc and she's still climbing all over the table, chairs, throwing the salt and pepper all over, lying on the floor under the table, licking all the forks. She also runs away a lot. I am hoping it will get better with age, even if she does have ADHD as we're really limited on what we can do as a family without it being really stressful. Any recommendations on how to get her to sit and eat a meal at a table or should I just give up for now?

I haven't really raised it with them. She's generally better behaved at nursery than with us. But I don't think she's great at sitting and listening there either. She often comes out and has an absolute meltdown in the car. Not as much recently.

Sounds like my DD, she’s the same age and waiting for an autism assessment. It’ll probably be a good idea to speak to nursery and ask how she is there, as if it turns out to be autism/ADHD it’s best to get the ball rolling now in terms of referrals, getting on waiting lists and ensuring the right support is in place for nursery and soon school, if needed.

Is she verbal OP?

Any recommendations on how to get her to sit and eat a meal at a table or should I just give up for now?

We gave up for a while. Or have one parent sit and order, other parent goes out with her and gets a text whether food is on the table.

Then start with a little more time and expectations.

Yes. Fairly good speaker. Babbles a lot though, especially when she's feeling awkward.

Thanks for this. Going to try to avoid eating out for a while but I'll try this next time we do have to get food when out.

I’ll be the voice of contention: I would expect a three year old to be able to cope fine with a cinema or theatre assuming a kids show.

Sorry Op I was cut off a bit there.

I have a three and a half year old. We’ve been to the theatre a few times for shows aimed at this age so Gruffalo’s Child, Tiger who Came to Tea and so on. He’s been able to sit and watch but been a bit wriggly especially as the show went on. We’ve been to the cinema for Julia Donaldson showings and he’s been fine although the box of popcorn helped!

I think there’s a big range of normal for this age though. My DS has a friend who will ask to go to cafes and sit there with her colouring! Ds isn’t that compliant. I also know a child who is completely bonkers in an endearing way and will just charge round cafes so we don’t go.

Sound normal

I was at the park constantly when my son was this age

No way would I have:

Eaten out
Gone to the theatre
Expected them to sit still at this age

Any recommendations on how to get her to sit and eat a meal at a table or should I just give up for now?

^

Give up. Waste of time, money effort. It's cheaper, easier and quicker at home. Don't waste your money.

Not at all?

I mean yeah two and a half … but some three and a half year olds are nearly ready to start school?

Re eating out IDK that I’d push it if it really isn’t working for your family but if you really want to keep at it then start small. Go to somewhere relaxed where you buy at the counter, park cafe where you can sit outside maybe, and just get a drink and a cake. Leave when you’re done. If that goes ok also get a sandwich next time. Build up gradually.

It's definitely not like we plan to go out for a meal rather we're out for the day and need to have food, so just cafes etc. I try to avoid where possible as it's such a nightmare.

We get out a lot. Parks in summer, soft play in winter. She's very physical. Loves to dance but we can never do anything like a dance class or sports class, even casual ones with basically just games. She won't engage, wanders off, finds something to mess with. I've given up on doing anything like that. I was hoping it would get better and we'd have more options for stuff that isn't just her running around when she got older but I feel by 3.5 she should be getting better at this stuff and if anything I feel like she's getting worse.

we can never do anything like a dance class or sports class

DD was asked to leave two separate dance classes. <proud> They'd be there with their cute tutus standing still, she'd be running around like a mad thing.

Just a word of hope. Although she was diagnosed young, and is still obviously affected, my DD's ADHD behaviour is under control. Learn to parent children with ADHD needs, and you can use that for NT ones as well.

Yours may not have ADHD but the tricks work anyway.

She sounds a lot like my DD.

The turning point was school. We always thought she seemed fairly average in terms of intelligence, but (sorry don’t mean to brag!) her teacher says she’s very bright and top of the class even though she’s one of the youngest in her year.

It’s like once she was mentally challenged she calmed down. She’s still got a short attention span and talks at a thousand miles per hour but she’s very much improved.