7 year old frequent crier at school

[Beaniebaby86]

Wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation and can advise.

DD is 7 (8 in August) and in year 3.

She is a wonderful child, happy at home and with no real issues - good sleeper, good eater, no meltdowns, adaptable, funny, sociable etc. She is a bit immature for age I think when I compare her with her peers, but she's a summer baby and young in her year so I put it down to this.

Her main issue is at school she finds she can't control crying over small things which she knows she shouldn't. Recent examples this week are making some silly mistakes in maths, accidentally calling a member of staff the wrong name, being told by a group of other children that she was doing the wrong thing in PE.

She is aware that she cries more than others and has said "Why am I a silly cry baby? The other children think I'm a baby and when these things happen I say to myself "Don't cry, don't cry" but then I just can't help it and I feel so cross with myself. And they're all looking at me and laughing." I do worry that she is starting to lose friends now because of this behaviour. She is in a large state junior school so had to move schools this year and hasn't really settled brilliantly and I worry it's all a bit of a circle - cries so the children laugh at her which then makes her even less happy so more likely to cry!

Has anyone experienced similar? Did your child grow out of it or find anything which helped?

Would love any advice. Thanks!

My dd was a bit like this. She didn't cry but she was overly sensitive. She cared too much what other people thought and she hated (and still does) making mistakes. It wasn't an embarrassment thing either.

With my dd, some of it seemed to be connected with decision making. So I made her make small decisions all of the time and then demonstrated that the consequences of that decision didn't matter. Which way shall we go to school -oh there's a traffic jam, doesn't matter we will walk faster when we get out. Do you want to take a coat-no, now it's cold. Doesn't matter we are leaving in fifteen minutes.

I also made many mistakes myself and then role played how to deal with them.

I sort of felt like she thought she didn't matter as much as her peers. She would go last or whatever and I could not understand why she felt like this, I got her into lots of extra curricular stuff which seemed to build her confidence.

Thanks - I will try the decision making modelling, that's a good idea. I do think I rush around trying to ensure the kids are always on time, have everything they need etc so maybe she hasn't had enough experience of problem solving or disappointment.

I was like this as a child. Extremely sensitive. I couldn't really cope with school tbh.

My DS is the same and is home educated, for this reason among others.

I was like this as a child op and even now I couldn't say why. Right down to saying "don't cry" to myself, but it was like I'd just feel everything rushing up inside and the more I worried about not crying, the more "pressure" would rush up.

I did grow out of it naturally - luckily I had a small circle of really kind friends but I know many kids made fun of me or got frustrated.

Weirdly my confidence grew when I befriended a girl in year 5 when they mixed the classes. She was bullied horribly due to her family being very religious (no telly at home, couldn't read certain books etc) and I ended up sticking up for her and caring less and less what other kids thought. We're still best friends now in our mid 30s!

I got more confident again in high school when I discovered music and became "goth/punk" it was like an armour that I wore to make me feel more confident/look like I didn't care, but I was and still am really sensitive.

My son is similar. I second what a pp said about working on making decisions as these can overwhelm him especially in a group.

She'll get there. Please be kind and supportive, don't let her see you feeling frustrated (I'm not saying you are btw) I can assure you she already knows/thinks it's "weird" she's still crying regularly. She can't help it.

I should have said that my dd did toughen up (for want of a better phrase). She's at university, living away from home very happily. She's still sensitive and probably overly kind but has strong and healthy friendships.

This was me, I was exactly as you describe at home, but school was just very overwhelming for me, although I could never really say why. I would tear up over pretty much every minor error, right up until I left at 18. And beyond.

42 now and guess what? Diagnosed autistic at 40.

But this is MN so people will probably roll their eyes at that. We never had any of that stuff 30 years ago, apparently. Except we did, didn't we? My tears were definitely real. My discomfort was real. My social anxiety was real. My sensory sensitivities were real.

This was me at school, I was just really sensitive. My DD was exactly the same. When she moved into year 3 I was telling her new teacher how she was sensitive and socially a little immature ( youngest in class, as was I), but hopefully it would improve with age. The teacher said she didn't think it was an age thing, but a DD thing. DD was still quite tearful at secondary school, and I honestly felt I had passed on a bad gene. DD managed uni and working abroad, so no lasting effects. I , however weep through every episode of Little house on the prairie 😆

7 is young, but I think it's useful to start learning how to contain emotions so that you can express them, later, at a good time.

So I might focus on trying to get her to save the distress up. 'This feels horrible, but I can talk to Mum about it later.' 'I want to cry but perhaps I can wait till break time when I go to the loo, because that will be private.'

Maybe there's simple stuff about keeping calm - counting, breathing, thinking happy thoughts about times when she's done things really well.

I work with 7 year olds and there are lots of children that cry easily so please don’t feel she’s on her own, it might just be that particular cohort. Some people are more sensitive than others. I always used to blush then kids would say I’d gone red which then made me scarlet! All part of growing up.

Op I was and am unfortunately still the same. Not as bad as when I was a kid but I can relate to not being able to manage upset emotions well. Funny enough, I never had issues of being unable to control anger, but the crying thing happens a lot to me. Right down to the telling myself not to cry. I still don’t know why I am like this, but luckily I have some lovely friends and a supportive partner so it never actually caused me any issues socially, I think many people are like this.

Thank you everyone for your experiences and comments. Lots of food for thought!