How do your evenings look with a 0-6 month old?

[JDLXNDR]

So, my daughter is 4 months old and our evenings currently look like this:

Around 6.30-7pm I give her a bath (not every night) put on her pijamas and read a few books downstairs. Then, my husband and I usually eat dinner around 8pm. She “sits” with us in her bouncy chair, usually chewing on something and watching until we finish and clear up.

By this time it’s between 8.30 and 9. And then I’m like: “What now?” I take her to bed with me usually around 10pm, as she’s still in her next 2 me in our room. I put on her sleep sack and breast feed with the white noise machine on until she falls asleep, which is our routine but until then I never know what to do. What time is this for her? I don’t want her to sit in front of the TV with us, because she ends up looking at it which isn’t what we want. Oftentimes I just end up going upstairs at 9.30 because I can see she’s a bit tired.

I don’t mind really, I cherish this time with her and I have years to watch TV with my husband, but I wondered what everyone else does in terms of nighttime and routines with a small baby?

By 4 months ds1 was upstairs asleep in his cot by 8, dd would have been napping on me while I binge watched stuff or in the sling asleep while I did chores. DS2 would have been in his pram downstairs asleep under the snoozeshade with the rocket on at whatever time he fell asleep after 6pm til we went to bed.

We transitioned to ds2 sleeping in the crib from 6/7pm with the monitor on about 5 months as the downstairs was overstimulating. we carried on our evening downstairs.

Do you have a tv or tablet you can watch in your room with dh? I wouldn't lose that little bit of night time you have with him by going to bed earlier

I was able to watch tv in bed with dp at this age. We wouldn't turn it on until he was sleeping but DS would fall asleep on me while feeding, I'd let him lie on my legs for a while while I rub his back or tummy then slip him into his next to me when he's properly asleep and I'd be right there for any wakes. Me and dp would get a few eps of whatever we were watching and a cuddle

Then when he was about 9mo I couldn't do this anymore and this was the time I wondered what to do with my nights. DP would have to sit in the living room watching tv and I'd take ds up and fall asleep with him. By this point he only wanted a dark quiet room from when he fell asleep and would sense if I left his side to go downstairs

Okay, thank you! My mum suggested that we transition to the cot with a monitor, but I’m not ready for that yet. I’ve had a lot of postpartum anxiety and I feel it would just worsen. Everyone is different I guess. Thanks for your reply!

We don’t have a TV in our room, no. I usually just come up and read or use my phone and he’s a night owl so usually stays up and watches something. This does mean we don’t really get evenings together at the moment and it is a shame, but there’s time for that when she’s older I guess! From 6 months we’re aiming to either put her to bed in our room or her own room, with a monitor so we’ll get some time back then. Thanks a lot for your reply.

Baby 1 (formula fed), she slept in a moses basket in the lounge until about 4m, after which she was in oue bedroom with a monitor on. We often went for an evening stroll with baby in the sling about 7, and then we spent our evenings watching tv, playing games, sex, hobbies, whatever. I'd go up to bed about midnight. We alternated nights for feeding and neither of us felt particularly tired most of the time.

Baby 2 (breastfed), evenings were mostly spent cluster feeding, and there was less time for evenings. I was exhausted.

Thank you! That sounds great. Interesting the difference between your two babies as well. My daughter is combination fed and I have noticed that when she has formula, it does sometimes allow her to fall asleep downstairs and sleep in her Moses basket, so perhaps if I do want to stay up I should give her a bottle and make sure the environment is relaxed as possible down there until I’m ready to start putting her to bed with a monitor. Thanks for your reply.

We started putting DS to “bed” in the lounge in Moses basket in the lounge with lights off but tv on or the pram in the hallway with the lounge door open at this age

My dd was in bed by 7pm from 4 months, she would be screaming the house down with tiredness if I'd kept her up.

There was also a tipping point where it felt weird to be watching telly with her around.

I think I'd start putting her to bed a bit earlier than you and building up your confidence to leave her in the cot.

I'm not sure it was so much how they were fed, more temperament. My first I could get to nap, as a toddler whilst IN soft play! My second wouldn't settle if the TV was on at 3 weeks.

Both turned into long turn crap sleepers in any event!

Baby is not supposed to sleep alone until 6mo. They need to hear you breathing. A monitor doesn't do the same thing. It's due to sids risk. Obviously a lot of babies do sleep in a room on there own, the vast majority are fine but the advice is there for a reason.

I think early days we sat with baby on my lap feeding on and off when she wasn't crying, we'd watch TV. When she got older and distracted by tv she was also not sleeping much at night so I was happy to go to bed with her.

I can't remember the exact age but maybe up until 3 months we ate tea as usual, watched a bit of telly, went for a walk whatever in the evening, and I went upstairs to bed around 9-10pm. Baby would breastfeed and contact nap whenever, or we'd both go up and watch something on the laptop as I breastfeed and baby slept
But when she started to be more aware and as you say look at the TV, and I felt like I wanted her to have more of an idea of night and day, we'd eat tea around 5-6pm and I'd take baby up around 7-8pm and try and get her down, but she would feed forever (1 hour each side) and take a few attempts at going down in the next to me so at the end of all that id be tired so just end up staying upstairs and going to sleep, as she'd probably be up in 30 mins - an hour anyway
At 6 months we put a monitor up but I'd usually have difficulty getting her down and I'd have to go back up at any moment so more often than not I'd stay upstairs
At 7 months she went into her big cot in her own room and I began to get more time downstairs on an evening

At this age with DS1 I was freaking out trying to they him to sleep alon upstairs and stressing that this caused tears for both of us and he work so often.

With DS2 I just kept him downstairs with us and fed him to sleep whilst I was watching tv with my husband and then carried him up when I was ready for bed. Often I was feeding him to sleep whilst also trying to eat dinner.

At 6-7 months we had more of a proper bedtime routine

He’s nearly 3 now and sleeps well - mostly on his own bed with a good routine.

My youngest is now 10 months but at that age; Bath at 5.30, feed to sleep by 6.
Upstairs in Next2me with monitor on while we are downstairs. We usually go to bed around 10pm and I take a drink up with me as he then feeds between 10.30-11.30.

Still the same now except he doesn’t have the 10.30/11.30 feed and goes through til 6am.

Thanks, it seems a lot of people put their LO to bed from 4 months. I’m still too nervous, though!

I agree about the TV, we have it on much less nowadays for that reason…

Thank you for your response!

She'd cluster feed and snooze on my lap while we watched TV. Happy memories! Much easier than when you have bedtimes and I followed the advice they should be with you for sleep for SIDs prevention.

We both just go up at about 6:45 watch tv in bed while I feed her, transfer her to her next to me, then I'll probably go downstairs to catch up on housework for a bit while her and her dad sleep upstairs. Dd1 who is a preteen goes up at the same time as we do with dd2 because she wants to. Pretty simple routine really. We literally dinner,bath, bed every night. sometimes she has a danger nap and stays up a bit later but not by much.

Thank you. Yes this has stuck with me as a FTM and as I suffer with anxiety anyway I would much rather take the advice and wait until she’s 6 months.

As I mentioned it’s not the end of the world having to come up to bed, I’m also happy to come to bed with her. I’m usually quite tired anyway from the night feeds. She’s only been waking up once recently though!

All of mine were in their cots by 6.30, after a breastfeed, and left to fall asleep.

That's from birth.

Our first used to go to bed late-ish at this age (maybe 9pm) as he was never very good at long stretches at night (but napped well). I currently have a 6 month old who I struggle to keep up until 7pm because he becomes hysterically tired (he’s a terrible cat-napped though!)

he goes to sleep in our bed and I put the camera on.

When my dc were that age they slept in dining room in moses basket with lights off but door open so we were essentially in the same room then at my bedtime taken upstairs, fed then put in the next to me crib, then possible one feed during the night.

I think it’s really useful to get them used to going to bed early, 6.30-7 asap and lights out. Both my dc transitioned to cot in their own rooms about 7/8 months and mainly slept through.

Just to say, its not recommend baby sleeps in a room on their own before 6 months minimum, this includes naps and even 1/2hrs before you may go up to bed.

At 4 months, my first was down with us til I went to bed 10/11pm. Second, was in bed 7.30/8, so I was stuck upset from 7.30pm. Baby led both times. When she got to 6 months, I'd then leave her to sleep until my 10pm bedtime, which now at 13 months sometimes reaches 10.45pm lol

Mine were both bottle fed, at 5 months most nights I watch TV in the bedroom while they had there night bottles about 8-9 ish they then slept on the bed while I watched TV till I went to sleep when I transferred them to the cot with son in my room (one bed flat) with daughter into the kids room(two bed flat). My son liked heartbeat noise while he slept my daughter liked white noise.

Both my sisters were similar to mine but a quite house till after they went to sleep, my brother was bottle earlier then he sleep were ever I was work/home till 12-2am depending on if at home or work then he slept in bed with me after a bottle till 5-6am

My sisters have always been light sleeps, my brother and my two are heavy sleepers
My work with my brother could fall into every good and bad category, it could be loud,quite,bright,indoors,outdoors

My daughter still goes to sleep at first with me because she will keep her brother awake but I pick her up once her brother is asleep a put her in her bed she will look at me then roll over and go back to sleep

At 5-6 months your routine can be what you want it to be, if you always put them to bed next to you then do it, if you want them to sleep anywhere teach them to sleep in the car/pram/floor if you want them to sleep through loud music put music on.

I one thing I will warn you about is a heavy sleeper is harder to night toilet train my 4 yr old is no where near ready yet my sisters were night trained by 3.5 my brother took till 9-10 yrs old

0-3.5 months baby was downstairs in evening with us until I went to bed around 11ish.

By 3-3.5 months I could see he was wanting to sleep earlier but the living room was too stimulating so that's when the 'bedtime routine' started.

3.5 months onwards I took baby upstairs around 7.30pm. Fed in my bedroom, read short book, into sleeping bag then into next to me. Took about a month to achieve being able to put baby down awake. Monitor on then I went downstairs for a couple hours before joining baby in bedroom. Was nice to have my evenings back and baby was much happier.

This wasn’t a recommendation with my first. It’s also not magic switch at 6 months and we were statistically in this lowest risk categories in other areas , not smokers, breastfeeding etc, sometimes you have to conduct your own risk assessment and just make a sensible choice based on your circumstances.

Both DDs went to sleep upstairs with the monitor on in the evening from 8 weeks. Both been absolutely fine.

DD2 has taken to it much better goes earlier at approx 7.30pm and we rarely get a peep out of her before we go to bed at 11pm ISH x