Why am I such a moaner?

[Notgettingitright]

I have two kids. 7 and 2. They are the best thing that ever happened to me and I love being a mum. I work part time and flexibly so I can be with them as much as possible. My youngest rarely sleeps through the night and I do all the night shifts, but I don't think that is the route of the problem. I find myself constantly moaning at the kids and telling then off. Particularly my 7 year old. I wake up every morning set on being the calmest, kindest parent ever. By the end of the day, my head cant take the noise of the fighting or of them both ignoring every word I say.

Morning are spent asking for them to come to the bathroom for teeth to be brushed / go to bedrooms to get or be dressed / have hair done. I ask several time, get ignored... start shouting. I drop my 7 year old off at school and spend the day regretting the shouting. Pick them up, with 30 mins they're scrapping and my patience is going again... so I'm shouting.

Tonight, I took them into a garden centre to pick up a present for a friend. 2 year old ran off, kicked off when I tried to carry them, had a melt down until they were put down. 7 year old insists on walking 10 steps on front or behind, but not next to me so I can see where they both are. Told them both off properly because it was exhausting trying to chose a present whilst also running around the shop to round them up...and I feel that at least my 7 year old should be able to walk with me and make it an easier job.

At home, 7 year old not listening. Asks a question, shuts off half way through response as doesn't like it. I get cross... as they're not listening. Bath time, they're not listening again. Fighting, throwing water everywhere. I get cross as there's just no chill.

I'm such a buzz kill and so worried damaging their mental health as constantly telling them off and not letting anything go.

How do I be less of a moaner. I think I expect way too much of 7 year old.

I'm there for everything for them and i try so hard to give them all they need. I do always apologise when I've been miserable, grumpy etc and explain why and promise to keep trying to do better, but I just don't think it counter balances me just being so impatient and cross.

Sounds like you need regular, proper breaks from them. When I am in a frustrated, pissed off rut with my 4 year old I realise it’s because I’m chronically overwhelmed and overstimulated myself, not because he is inherently more awful. Is this happening? Do you have a partner in all of this?

I work part time and flexibly so I can be with them as much as possible

Following on from the above point, is this actually healthy? What does ‘flexibly’ entail?

Kids that are age are hard work.
Reins or pushchair for the 2 year old when in a shop alone are a good idea. Every single time non negotiable. And if the 7yo can hold your hand or the pushchair. Again totally non negotiable.
i used to hate going to any shops with mine. Outside in a park was much better

Thank you for the replies. Partner is here and very physically present...brilliant person, great dad....does everything he is asked to do, but doesn't do any of the thinking, sorting, planning etc... hard to say why. Work wise, I do the hours of 3 days. 2 days in office and the hours of the other day spread across evenings and weekends.

I could have written this post with a few changes in regards to mine being older and different things they aren’t listening about. I want to run away. I need coping mechanisms.

agree with pp to lay out the non-negotiables and do it now. It’s harder when they are older. Sorry for the pity post

does everything he is asked to do, but doesn't do any of the thinking, sorting, planning etc

Then he is not a brilliant person, great dad. That’s your problem and the answer to your question. A partner who isn’t pulling his weight. Of course you’re miserable.