How do you say goodbye to LO

[mommyandmore]

Hello!
My little girl started a settling in session with her childminder today. What I thought interesting is the the new childminder told my DH to quietly leave once she had settled. After about 15 mins the CM have my DH 'the nod' and he quietly sneaked off. Apparently she was fine for the majority of the hour but became extremely distressed 15 mins before my husband came back :(

Our previous CM was insistent that our LO was handed over at the door so she could wave us goodbye and see us leaving for the day.

I'm just wondering what others do when they are dropping their little ones off for the day? My child would often cry seeing us go which broke my heart but I also wonder if sneaking out is a bad idea as it could cause anxiety when I leave the room, making her believe I'll be gone for longer than I am etc.

What are your thoughts?

I think saying goodbye is better than sneaking out. Could lead to issues down the line where the child will think the parent will just disappear.

Nursery told us to ghost during settling sessions then once she is in properly, a calm "bye, we love you" and walk away

Oh I wouldn't like that at all! Saying goodbye is so important for a proper transition, encouraging parents to sneak off would be a huge red flag if I'm honest!

Mine started being left (nursery) a bit older at 2, but it was always my understanding that it is better to say goodbye, so they know they were intentionally left, rather than having lost you. It makes sense!

I wouldn't sneak off. I tend to say "see you tonight" so they new I was going, but had the reminder that I would return.

Having worked in early years, we also encourage parents to make sure their child knew they were leaving. Nothing dramatic and once the child was settled and engaged. Just a quick ‘bye, we will come back to take you home after…(lunch, story, play).

Sneaking out gives children an awful shock when they realise the parent has gone and leads to more insecurity and lack of trust.

They need to depend on you and be safe in the knowledge you will return.

I'm a cm and I think it's important to say goodbye. Just, bye see you later love you, and a quick exit. I think sneaking off has the potential to make the child insecure that you'll just disappear in other situations too.

I think it's better to say a cheerful "Bye-bye, have a lovely time. See you later"

Even if saying goodbye causes tears for the first few days, it's important to let little children see you leave. I think it's part of establishing a routine around parents leaving so that the child gets used to what is happening IYSWIM

My son started his settling in sessions at nursery a couple of months ago and now does his full day sessions. Since the start, he has cried A LOT at drop offs (still does!) and I literally dread them. They have got better but we still get tears.

We have tried drop offs a couple of ways… Me going in with him and sneaking off when he got distracted but as others have mentioned, it didn’t feel right and it completely goes against all of your instincts and I was just left worrying about how it must have made my son feel so I stopped that immediately.

Now, I stay at the door and sometimes there is some resistance but I repeatedly tell him that I love him and to have fun and that mummy will always come back. I give him a hug / kiss and if he still doesnt walk in with his key worker willingly, there has been times where she has had to peel him off me whilst he is crying which is HARD. I stay strong, smile and repeat again that I will always come back, that he’s going to have lots of fun and that I will see him soon and I wave and walk away. It is very hard for us as parents when drop offs are this way and when I am out of sight, I cry my heart out but at least he can see that I am leaving and I’ve told him that I will be back. They have reassured me that once I’ve left he is fine and I’ve seen photo / video proof on their parent app of this 😊

Hang in there, it is tough but it will get easier (so I keep telling myself too!) x

Always a cheery "bye bye, love you, see you later" regardless of their mood (more often running away from us than crying thankfully).

I think you need a purposeful goodbye so they know you're leaving and start to realise that you will come back.

As quick as possible is best imo. I preferred to hand over my DC in the buggy to avoid any drawn-out goodbyes. I'd just give a quick cuddle, kiss and say "Bye bye, Mummy loves you, I'll be back to get you later".

see you soon, have fun, Love you!

My sons nursery we had no settling sessions I dropped him off said by he cried 5-10mins the first day after that he just ran off into nursey as soon as the door opened i wouldnt even get a bye.

My daughters nursery done the settling sessions the first time she was fine even after i left, after for the next few nursery days she would cry after I dropped her off I would just leave or it got worst then one day forgot something when back Iike 5 mins after dropping her of she was still crying getting a cuddle but smiling, turned out she was doing it for the extra attention from one of the staff members other days when she wasn't there she would just run off and go play, so we agreed that that staff member wouldn't interact with he for the first 20mins and now she doesn't cry she walks in gives them all a hug then plays

My son I still don't get a bye from or a cuddle just a snack order for pickup!
My daughter I get today's Teddy thrown at the pram as she runs off.

For pick up my son I get what food have you got for me (he ate 20 mins before pickup).
My daughter will run over shouting mummy a quick hug (basically pick her up over the gate) and she runs off and jumps on the sofa in the hallway

I would say 'Bye, Have fun, See you later'

But I wouldn't hang about stretching out the 'goodbye' - it would be handover and go.