Hi,
Welcome all advice here! We just welcomed our second child into the world on Monday. He’s in the cluster feeding stage and so while I’ve been a milk machine, my partner has mostly been watching our 2.5 yo alone.
He is really struggling with her behaviour. To be clear, she is a normal toddler. She demands attention, she doesn’t always do what she’s told, she prefers to do what she’s engaged in, she has her own rules for games. All really normal! I have her 2 days a week usually and so have developed a lot of tolerance and boundaries where we need, relaxing where we don’t.
My partner is getting so angry with her, there are so many rules and he’s shouting at her for not listening to all of them. He withholds positive activity as a threat (“fine, we’re not going to gymnastics then” etc). He tells her off a lot. This morning I witnessed him push her because she was trying clamber on me while i was feeding baby and she didn’t listen to me when I asked her not to.
I am so appalled by his behaviour towards her. He thinks she’s acting up, but I think this is her normal self, coupled with a few new boundaries to learn about baby and a small percentage might be about regaining control or attention. The bigger fuel to the fire feels like him, his tiredness, lack of patience, high demand and low understanding. I’ve obviously had longer to get used to parenting a toddler as I have the days off with her in a week, whereas this feels like a baptism of fire for him! (He’s also a secondary teacher, so working with some core beliefs about authority here 🫣)
He’s so sensitive to any constructive criticism he often just gets defensive or says I’m sending mixed messages. I also know it doesn’t help to be criticised or be hard on yourself, so want to take this compassionately.
So, I’m wondering if there’s any quick and easy resources I can direct him to, to help him understand parenting a toddler and (crucially) controlling his own emotions? Something that doesn’t come from me, easy to understand, compassionate, maybe even for Dads?!
(Thank you for reading this far! ❤️)