Overwhelmed as a parent

[PoliteLemur]

I used to be a resilient person but I feel constantly overwhelmed looking after my 2.5 yo DS. I work 4 days then he is at preschool and it's term time only. He's home 3 days a week and school holidays. DH works 5 days as a contractor so don't have any annual leaves and if he takes leaves, he loses his pay so it's usually me who ends up doing most of childcare. We don't have any family to help.
DS has been very frequently sick through the winter with nursery illnesses and bugs. I am currently pregnant with baby 2 and with DS waking up everyday at 5-6 AM, I constantly feel tired and overwhelmed spending long hours doing childcare and household chores along with tiredness from pregnancy.
DS keeps crying and moaning when he doesn't gets his way and as he is growing in his toddlerhood, he is becoming more and more stubborn and the day feels like constant battle telling him no and negotiating with him about making right choices.
I don't know what the solution is and I know it will only get difficult with the baby 2 coming in picture.
Please send me any suggestions and kind words. Thank you!

It might not get more difficult actually. I don’t know how pregnant you are but being pregnant with a toddler was worse for me than having a newborn with a toddler.

Two and a half was in many ways a tipping point for us and I found in the spirit of Tony Blair’s 1997 campaign things only got better! He dropped the nap around that age (my DS, not Tony Blair) and so he stopped waking up so bloody early, and around three there’s a newfound freedom in a way, I don’t have to follow him round at soft play and he’s able to play lore independently at the park and so on.

Three has thrown up its own challenges but I do find it preferable to two.

It might not get more difficult actually. I don’t know how pregnant you are but being pregnant with a toddler was worse for me than having a newborn with a toddler.
Me too. I remember feeling exactly the same when I was pregnant with my second.

I am 5 months pregnant so 4 more months to go. @Lilacbluebells thanks for your response. It put a smile on my face. I hope it gets easier.

Get some paid help if you can afford it. A weekly cleaner will help take some of the pressure off housework.
does your DH do his fair share of house work/childcare on his days off without you standing over him telling him what to do?

Hey, I feel your pain. 5 months was always one of the worst bits for me when I was pregnant. Have just had my dd2, but during pregnancy and I was very exhausted, got a crappy medical issue at 6 months and was doing it all generally on my own due to partner’s long hours.

I think being pregnant with kids is the hardest thing as you can’t just stop. Try to give in on all the household chores though - I did nothing household during pregnancy other than cooking/default parent, so my partner had to do all the cleaning. You’re already effectively working three jobs (work, toddler, pregnancy).

One slight practical thing I can suggest if you’re already doing the cooking - I had to change my diet drastically because of medical issues and it did actually give me more energy so maybe look at that and vitamins if this is affordable/if you’re not eating that well? I didn’t realise it could make such a difference.

Thanks all for the great suggestions and kind words.
@walnut87 I need to look into easy recipes for healthy eating. I feel constantly pushed and pulled in all directions and just never seem to have any time for planning meals.

Toddler + pregnancy is a special kind of hell. Is your midwife keeping an eye on your iron levels?

Do not overthink healthy eating - honestly the Bird's Eye steam fresh veg bags are brilliant, they don't go mushy like frozen veg usually does and can be put onto the side of anything at all. Some kind of protein source (sausages, nuggets, whatever) and then just easy carbs or another really easy meal solution I find is to put chicken breasts or fish fillets, chopped potatoes and any other kind of veg into a large dish and bake/roast it in the oven. Or a pasta bake with a pre-made sauce. Minimal effort and tasty and healthy. If you have an air fryer you can also do the meat/fish and potatoes in here and the veg in the microwave or on the hob. And another cheat-but-tasty meal is cooking pasta, mix with pesto and either serve just like that to your toddler or you can add stuff to it. Cold cooked chicken is versatile, which you can get in those little packs in the ham aisle, or buy a rotisserie chicken or roast your own chicken at the weekend or something like this. Or if you have an air fryer, you can easily chop courgette, mushroom, peppers and toss in olive oil + worcestershire sauce then roast directly in air fryer for about 7 mins and they are done. Add sausage if you want meat.

And ready meals are fine. Sometimes you have to shut off thoughts about doing things "perfectly" (UPF guilt, I am looking at you) and just think you know what, everyone is fed and I'm doing fine.

If toddler still naps, have a nap too. If he doesn't, it's really fine to stick the TV on and have a snooze on the sofa while he's watching it. Look into whether he's eligible for any free nursery hours.

And simplify/minimise chores. Do stuff less often and less thoroughly.

Solidarity, as I am 4 months pregnant with an almost 3 year old. It's hard work!!!

My advise is to offload some of the housework onto your partner and to lower your standards. If he's made an effort then don't nitpick him to do it "your way". My husband does 85% of the cooking and I don't how how I'd cope if he didn't. If yours doesn't like cooking, then laundry, or cleaning the bathrooms, or some other big job that you don't need on your plate.

It's going to be shit for a while (especially as you get more pregnant), but it won't be forever. 2 yo are pretty much totally dependant, but 3 yo can start doing some things for themselves.