Father’s Day when broken up

[WintersB]

Hi all! Would I be too much for getting baby’s dad something for Father’s Day?

I’m due in around 6 weeks so baby isn’t here yet, however me and my ex partner split when I was around 15 weeks. I’ve not seen him that much and to be honest it’s been deeply difficult, he knows I still love him and want to make things work but he refuses and doesn’t want to be with me. I can tell he doesn’t feel the same and he can go weeks without asking if I’m ok. I’ve spent this whole time basically crying and begging and he doesn’t want to be with me and I know his mind won’t change. For my own sanity I’ve had to cut it off and I’ve decided I will just let him know around the time he’s due and he can come to the birth.. I do want to get him something for father days though, I was just thinking a card from bump and a little Etsy brownie with happy Father’s Day written on and I will just post them. I do still love him and it hurts so much that he doesn’t want to be a family so I want to get it for him but I’m worried he will maybe think I’m being too much and maybe overstepping the line.. it’s something I would have done if we were still together so i don’t know if I should just leave it..

If he is involved with his child then I would get something, but if not, I wouldn’t. On the basis that he shouldn’t be rewarded if he’s not taking part in fatherhood.

I wouldn’t. You’re clearly terribly distressed, understandably, but he’s also make his feelings clear and he won’t welcome it so don’t put yourself out there knowing it’ll be rejected.

I’m sorry you’re hurting so much. It will get better, you will meet someone else (if you want to, when you’re ready). It’s his loss. Don’t humiliate yourself by sending a card or gift, don’t contact him. You are worth so much more.

That would be very weird.

No, it’s not appropriate. He’s not being a good father anyhow but that aside, are you just using it as a reason to get in touch with him?

Did he get you anything for Mothers Day, I suspect no, so I wouldn’t get him anything for Father’s Day.

No, this is a truly awful idea. If, next year, he is an engaged and involved father and you are amicable, then it would be nice to do something for him for fathers day. But right now, he is not a father, and he is not involved and all this looks ike is you being desperate.

Please. Do. not. do. it.

These are my thoughts too. I’m divorced from the father of my child but we’re on good terms and always sort mothers/fathers day presents for each other. If he didn’t check in for weeks at a time then there’s no way I would do that. It’s called “Father’s Day” but it’s really for dads - men who see “father” as a verb not a noun.

I’m so sorry this has happened, you deserved better. He on the other hand does not.

He’s not a father yet.

Buying this isn’t going to change his mind.

This.

If baby isn’t here then don’t even consider this.

If he’s an involved dad next year then possibly. If he’s not an involved dad next year then definitely don’t send anything.

I'm sorry you're hurting.

But as others have said, it feels like this would be a gift from you to try & win him over when sadly, he's made his feelings clear.

Review things next year. Life will be very different when your baby is here.

Definitely don’t do this OP, if you’re completely honest with yourself then you know you would only be doing it as a tactic to try and get him back, and you know he doesn’t want that.

For future years when the baby is here and (if) he is actively involved in the child’s life then I think it’s a lovely idea so your child has something to give him, but for now- no.

Agree , don't do it ! He is behaving badly and doesn't deserve it , difficult as it may be you need to move on

Don't do this, it will make you look pathetic and in a years time you will cringe so so hard that you even considered this.

Just concentrate on yourself, he isn't worth bothering over and will never think to do anything for mothers day for you, please keep your dignity.

Ugh you’re so right! Thank you everyone for your comments. I prefer the brutal truth.. maybe I am just holding onto hope still. I still love him and wanted to make him feel included but truth is he wants to be in the baby’s life, just not mine.. I don’t want to make a fool of myself

I imagine it feels as though he holds all the cards right now. I don’t think that will always be the case. Maybe one day soon, when your baby is here, he will need to prove to you that he is mature and consistent enough to be a father. It must feel so painful for you now to be in this position but hold your head high, let him earn that gift. x

I am pregnant and my partner recently broke up with me to go back to casual encounters with other women. As much as I wish I didn't still love him I do and I can absolutely understand how painful and lonely pregnancy becomes when you're doing it heartbroken and alone while grieving the family you thought you would have and the person you thought you knew.
So I understand why you would want to do this and that painful hope that fuels these decisions.
But if you sent him something and he ignored it and nothing came of it I promise that you will feel 10x worse than you do already.
You owe it to yourself not to have to redo the hard parts you've already done. Be strong x