Being a part-time working mum with 2 young children?

[thea1145]

I need a bloody break, really and truly.
I am exhausted. It's not even the sleep side of things because the baby has started sleeping through and the 4yo is fine but I am finding life just one non-stop treadmill which I am always so close to falling off of.
DH is good, he's very hands on and he lets me have time to myself, a long bath etc, but we don't have any family help, like the kids have never had a sleepover or anything like that. The 4yo is high energy, very attention seeking and loud. My job is very stressful and even though it's only 3 days a week it's just like the work is building up for me when I'm off, with the kids.
It's like every day is very stressful, yet so very different.
I am really starting to wonder how I can keep going with it all, juggling life and on top of that all trying to do the food shop, the cleaning, the relentless washing...it's just so hard!!

Anyway, I didn't actually ask what I meant to ask. But is anyone else in the same boat? Or used to be in the same boat? When did it get easier?

It is hard, it is a slog, and right now you're in the trenches.

You have to be organised - for me that meant meal planning, and online order. Organised mum method for keeping on top of housework. If work is piling up you need to talk to your line manager because you have too much to do. Any invites or dates go straight on the Google calender. I have a bullet journal and have the 6 month overview and a weekly to do list. I have reminders in the calendar for birthdays. I used to get a years worth of cards from whistle fish but Brexit means I now use moonpig. The more you get your DS out of the house the better I think. Have you got a garden? Trampoline? Do you get any time at home alone or do you have the kids at the same time?

It got better for me when

• they toilet trained
• they both slept through the night
• they both were at school so I only had to pick up and drop off at one place
• they learned to ride their bikes so could bike to school
• they could do their own lunchbox

Yep, I have a 6 & 4 year old. Fuck me, it was hard when they were little.

So many times I nearly went off work sick because I felt like I couldn't cope.

It's definitely getting easier now but there are still times where I feel I can't cope. My house is a shit hole, my brain is all over the place, I'm not with it at all. But it definitely does improve.

Same, 4 and 6 month old, not back at work yet. Only part time but have a very stressful job. The amount of washing for 4 is insane. My house is very often messy.

Most of my friends are in the same boat. I think it will get easier when DD2 is 3 but I could be wrong.

We do get help for parents but mainly to work. Occasional night out but DC have never slept out any anyone's house x

There are two things here: (1) is making life simpler and the other is (2) managing your workload.

If you are working part-time, your workload should be part-time. It shouldn't be piling up when you aren't there. I say that as someone in an industry where no one ever works just their contracted hours. But if the workload isn't fitting the part-time hours you are meant to work, you need to discuss with your line manager what can be shifted to someone else or cut. You can't work a full-time job in part-time hours.

The second is about making life simpler. Mine are older now (late and early primary), but since they were babies, dh and I always did the thing of one of us taking the dc and the other getting stuff done. So neither of us was trying to cook dinner/do the washing/do the shopping and keep the kids alive. So you are both home at 5/6pm, say, one of you takes the dc and keeps them entertained and out of the way - watching tv, playing in the garden, walk to the playground, etc. - and the other cooks dinner, throws the washing on, does a quick tidy up. Then bath and bedtime and whoever is finished with bedtime first (we each took one), comes down and tidies the kitchen/downstairs.

And don't pack your weekends full. Leave yourself down time. I do an online shop every Friday for delivery on Saturday, so no need to drag anyone around to do the food shopping. If the house is in a real state, one of us takes dc out to do something and the other sorts it out. We don't fill whole days on the weekend every weekend with activities and visiting with people and days out. It's too much. Build in time to do nothing but get caught up and also do something for yourself. If one of you does more during the week because the other works later, then at the weekend, the later working one takes over and does more.

How old is your youngest? I always find it all becomes a lot easier, and more enjoyable, from age 2.

Same boat op, two year old four year old and 6 month old, the washing is endless. Have you space for a washing machine and a seperate dryer? This is my plan as I’ll get double done! The work thing I completely relate too. I have a stern word with myself that I can do what I can do and if I’m part time I really shouldn’t be trying to get a full time equivalent of output as it’s not sustainable. I’m also planning to try rotate the rooms I clean each day to get a better job done and batch cooking is my best friend. It’s so tough not having family help. We only had it when I was giving birth and that was it so it can be hard sometimes! But then the day will come when they are grown up and I know I’ll miss the chaos!!!

I feel your pain. 7yo, 3 year old twins and a 6month old... LAUNDRY!!!!

Simplify what you can. I bought several generic presents a.g. craft boxes after Christmas so when a party invitation comes I just pick a present from the pile. Each person has a box next to the airer -clean clothes go in the right box. That way of it doesn't get out away you can still find what you need quickly. Outside time for tho is time when mess is not occuring - go for a walk as often as humanly possible and make maximum use of local playgrounds. Take your phone with you and do online shop if everyone is happily playing!
Keep the majority of weekends simple.
One person takes both DC while the other axhieves something.

Good luck! It will get easier. Your eldest will soon be at school and your younger one will get more independent

The “village” you don’t have is a big hole for us too. We have just one child, 2y old, I work full time, some days are better than others, but as soon as I am back home, my DD is after me asking me to play, to open things, watch things with her, etc., it’s non-stop, in the morning before work and in the evening after. I don’t mind it, I love that time with her but it’s so hard to put your whole existence as yourself (not the worker, not the mum) on hold.
No advice as such, just a lot of sympathy. If I look back a year ago, it was definitely harder, so it gets better incrementally xx

No real advice from me either but also lots of sympathy. I was in that situation once but it does end. I found it really got better once they were both at school. I remember reading when my eldest was a baby that everything was a phase and I used to mutter that through gritted teeth when times were tough. And it turned out to be true.