Relocation - child distress

[MClair]

We are planning a relocation as DH has been made a very exciting job offer in an area quite a distance from where we live now. We have 3 children 2 teenagers and a 9 year old. It is in a desirable area and the salary increase means a better standard of living, but whilst the teenagers are on board the 9 year old really doesn’t want to leave our house or go to a new school. She thinks she gets to veto the idea if she doesn’t want to go and is inconsolable. It breaks my heart to see her so upset but we truly believe what we are doing is the best for our family. Anyone experienced this and have any tips?

Urgh. Have you been to visit? Maybe make some plans around seeing old friends etc if you can.

ultimately she is going to move so whatever approach works best for your child whether that is tough love or gentle persuasion but you need to tell it like it is

I have a 9 year old and I'm confident if we needed to move it is a good age to settle well. My sister settled well when we moved when she was that age, secondary school transition it just round the corner so everyone will be new in year 7. I would confort her as best you can, plan visits to old friends, say they can visit. Maybe build some excitement by promising an exciting new bedroom, hobby or holiday once you move. It's great your teenagers are on board as it is a trickier time for them to move.

Probably not helpful but they do get over it
I moved schools and house a lot as a child and was upset every time
Moved age 1, 3, 5, 10, 13, 17...

What does she love? Get something booked to look forward to in the new area, and something to come back to the old area for - concert/theme park/experience type stuff/riding lessons/whatever floats her boat. Then something fairly soon to come back to your current area for - trip with friends etc. Although, I would avoid going down your actual road or past your old house! Change is hard, I was similar to her as a child and still have moments. Remind her that home is where your family is. x

Thanks everyone. We have visited the area before but only for holidays not as a potential place to live. We would definitely come back to visit as we have family in our current area. I liked the idea for planning an activity that she enjoys for when we get there.

I moved a lot as a child. Yes to the things to look forward to, and of course you need to be clear that this is happening for the good of the whole family, but I would also be sure to acknowledge that it is a big, tricky change and it's perfectly reasonable for her to feel sad, worried, even angry about it – even if she feels excited about some parts of it at the same time. Make sure she can talk about those feelings with you, and make sure she has good options for working through those emotions – exercise, music, cuddles and a favourite film, whatever works for her. If there's a family member or family friend she's close to (aunt/uncle, grandparent, older cousin), perhaps they could give her a chance to talk about it as well – someone just a little removed from the situation.