Need a bit of a hand hold please.
I’ve two children aged 8 and 10. Both boisterous and both have their moments of being incredibly hard work, silly, loud. The usual. One has a recent asc diagnosis, if that’s relevant.
My mum and step father look after them from school pick up twice a week for approx three hours until I get back from work. I’m not super close with my parents but I’m a single mum, work hard and benefit from the savings it makes me. I get on okay with my parents but I can’t say my mum was ever maternal. Anyway, whatever, she likes her grandkids and is more maternal with them than I remember, probably coz she’s retired now and not so stressed.
anyway, a few times my children have been hard work with my parents and my mum has almost made it feel like she’s been telling me off for their behaviour when I collect them. The children are always given a stern talking to and consequences on my part. The behaviour has been not listening, play fighting, getting carried away etc.
today my younger one has told me grandad kicked him. I’ve spoken to him at length about the seriousness of the accusation and what it might mean and the importance of telling the truth and he maintains it happened. My older one didn’t see it but describes my younger one running around being silly and grandad following him out the room before younger shouted something along the lines of stop don’t do that. Grandad kicked me was the first thing my son told me when I got there. My mum jumped in and said no he didn’t. I just listened to mum describe their silly/ not listening/ overly boisterous behaviour and immediately left.
thing is, a few weeks ago my youngest told me grandad had been physical with him. He said he had been pushed against a wall when grandad went to get the tv remote he was refusing to hand over off him.
I have booked them into after school club for the two nights they are usually at mums, even though I really can’t afford it. I’ve told my mum that I think this is best for all concerned.
I don’t know if my stepdad would hurt my kids. We’re not talking about physical assaults of a serious nature with bruises etc. but for me any physical punishment isn’t acceptable. My parents aren’t patient and don’t use the strategies I’m used to with two boisterous boys. At our own home mine would be separated and sent to rooms to calm down etc but not really practical at mums house. I look back at my childhood and I wasn’t routinely hit. Once my stepdad absolutely whacked me with a slipper. I don’t recall physicality being a regular punishment.
but all I can think is it’s my job as a parent to believe my children. They have no reason to lie and their story remains the same. What message does it send if I don’t do something different when my son tells me this.
I haven’t gone in all guns blazing. I haven’t said it’s because of his allegation. I just said it seems like they’re challenging for you and after school club would be better all round.
I don’t even know why I’m posting. I’m confused and worried.