Friends rarely babysit our kid, even though we do it a lot for them. Wrong to be annoyed?

[Mik88]

I know you do a good deed to do a good deed, but we have friends who have a son that we've babysat quite a lot over the years. Done it twice in the space of the last seven days. Nice kid, no issues.

However, when it comes time to reciprocate, they seldom do it for our son. I'd say it'd be 75/25 split in our favor in terms of babysitting duties over the last 5-7 years. We asked them to look after our son this weekend, they said no. I've told my wife that I'm running out of patience and that we won't take their kid any more.

Kind of petty I know, but can anyone relate to what I'm saying? Thanks.

The answer? Step down.

If you're starting to get resentful that's a sign you need to pull back on the favours your doing. Obviously I don't know them and can't comment on whether their refusal is unreasonable or understandable.

This weekend is very short notice, did they give a reason like already having plans?

I‘d just deny their requests until they‘ve babysat your son and then be a lot more tit for tat from then on. Make sure it becomes 50/50 by denying their requests every now and then and asking several weeks in advance..
i have the same issue with general help from one friend(helped with moving, renovating,… but whenever i asked she‘s busy) and i‘m done.

I don't know if you're being unreasonable.

How often have you asked? Have you asked as often as they've asked?

As PPs have said, do they give you short notice or more advance warning?

I wonder if something needs making explicit here...i.e. yes, happy to look after your son, but this is on a give and take basis. What I need in return is.... (the option to get childcare at short notice on a less frequent basis??)

There are some wonderful souls out there who can sustain more than mutual give and take, but I'm not one of them right now. For me good fences make good neighbours, and that means saying no and asking for what you need.

It's not petty but I wouldn't routinely be looking after my friends kids whether it was reciprocated or not. It's enough looking after my own kid!

Just say that you can’t look after their kid and find a babysitter for your child.

Maybe they're not coping well? Hence why they ask you so often to babysit? And if its hard for them to watch their own kid, adding another makes it harder?
Or did you have agreement to take turns?
Would be odd for me if i ask someone to help me with my kid and for them to expect i do the same thing aswell... still dont know the reason behind the babysitting

How did they say no? Copy their technique.

Some people just won’t. It’s the same with play dates as they get older. You’ll get loads of explanations about why people don’t do it, but some just don’t want to. They are happy to offload their children onto someone else and don’t want to take a turn.

DD made friends with someone, I became friendly with mum, this girl was in our house every weekend for like a year. So much so mum just expected it (she was then getting dad to take their other child out so she could have ‘alone time’). DD was invited round there once, the whole time she was round there mum was messaging me to come round ‘to see what they were doing’ Basically trying to get rid.

I asked her to take DD once in an emergency, she said she ‘didn’t feel like it’. She then started with heavy pressure to start taking her children for full weekends so her and her husband could go on weekend breaks! because I wouldn’t do it she basically dumped me as a friend, still looked for favours occasionally though.

Just say you can't look after the child.