Zombie parenting

[Appletree34]

Hello! I'm not sure what my question is. I suppose its along the lines of when you're with your young child (mine is 3), are you 100% present/ engaged/ observing/ responding/ interacting/ teaching? I would say I'm like this 70% of the time. The other 30% I'm doing chores whilst probably talking through what I'm doing (if at home), listening to the radio, on my phone if she's occupied (try to be as little as possible but sometimes you just need to switch off!). I'm thinking particularly those couple of hours before/ after nursery, when you don't see them really for the remainder of the day. Do I need to up it to, say, 90%? I realize there are different approaches but interested to know other people's perspectives. Thank you!

Sounds like you’re a very attentive parent op. No - You do not need to up it 90%.

I have 3 children and I couldn’t imagine doing what you’ve said 70% of the time they’re at home with me. I’ve got too much to do! I usually chat away to them when I’m cooking, folding laundry or otherwise pottering around. They’re usually in and out playing or doing their own thing. Older one sits and does her homework. It’s good for them to amuse themselves.

I try my best… I include them in the ‘chores’ I have to do, they both like ‘helping’ me cook and we have a great laugh while we do it, my 2 year old loves loading and unloading the washing machine.
My 5 year old used to be my shadow when she was a toddler, but has got to the stage where she wants to play with her toys independently, occasionally letting her little sister join in, and they don’t need/ or want me to join in the games too. She will set up her toys or colouring in the same rooms I’m in.

What you’re doing sounds perfect.

I honestly don’t think you need to be 100% focused on your child all the time. They do need to learn to occupy themselves to a certain extent and ‘helping’ with chores is great for them. That said the phone is something I try to keep to a minimum when they are around because it does suck up too much of my attention. And I do think part of the screen time problem is parents use of it. That doesn’t sound like it’s a problem for you though.

I honestly don’t think you need to up it anymore than you are at.

Absolutely fucking not 😅 Go easy on yourself. It's ok to leave them to their own devices if they're content. I actively don't go anywhere near my toddler (nearly 3) if he's happily engaged playing with something. I get on with what I need to do or I sit and unashamedly muck about on my phone.

My rule is that if I am playing with him then I'm 100% engaged. I hate imaginative play but if I'm going to do it I go full on and play all the daft things he enjoys. I can only keep that up for so long. Over the course of any given day I'd say he gets 2 hours maximum of that kind of engaged play with me. Then we go outside because I can't bear too much of it! Entertaining them is easier outdoors. And he goes to nursery 3 days a week where he gets his fill of playing with his little pals.

Thank you everyone! Okay, I feel much better. I think I knew in my heart I was probably doing alright but you know when you start to doubt yourself... And the idea of being 'on/ smiley face/ hello!!!' 100% of the time in front of my child is frankly exhausting, sometimes I'd go and sit in the bathroom. I like the idea of if I'm with her, breing 100% present, and not worrying the rest of the time so much. That feels like a very sensible principle