As a parent to two girls, would I be fair to them having a third child?

[LLadybird]

Should I have a third child? 2 years of obsessing, from a parenting perspective for my two daughters.

My husband and I have two beautiful girls, 3 and 2 and a half (15 month age gap). My eldest will be starting a school nursery in September, and my youngest will continue her mornings in a day nursery. We're so on the fence about having a third child. My husband is a high earner, I work part-time, mostly from home, we have a large home, a car that can take seven. So our set up could cope. But we've come through a busy few years so a new baby would cause chaos, but they always do. Our families have been so supportive of our girls, and help with childcare weekly. But my parents want to travel and I know they would feel conflicted if I had a third, and they have been quite open in saying they think two is the right number, as a third child pull focus from the elder two. I haven't ever felt that I'm done, and I don't know why I can't just move on and stop debating whether we're done. We could provide the girls, who are absolutely incredible and the biggest joy you could imagine, an amazing life without another sibling. We could travel, give more inheritance, etc. Would a third child take away from the input we can give them? The girls are incredibly close, and I would worry about a third being excluded because of the gap and the girls' existing bond.

Any thoughts, gratefully received.

Dh is the 3rd child born after a gap into a set up like yours. He gets on brillantly with his sisters now as an adult but as kids not so much. The age difference and possibly the sex difference made for a lot of conflict.

I would quit whilst ahead. You have two happy, healthy children. Think how it would impact then and your family if a third child was badly disabled.

If you were genuinely happy with 2, you wouldn't be thinking about it.

I wouldn’t be taking GPs travel plans into consideration, nor their opinion really, especially since you can afford childcare.

why will the 3rd take away (time and resources) from the 2 but the second didn’t take away too much from the first? I don’t understand the logic tbh.

I think if you feel like you’re not done you’re not done, and the only reason seems to be that it’ll be a bit chaotic the first few months and in the future they’ll all get inheritance but not quite as much inheritance. Obviously it’s up to you which is more important but many people survive with no inheritance at all, I’d rather a bigger family but that’s just me!

By that logic what's the point in any of us? Why even have one?!

I did.
Two girls close together then a third 6/8 years later. She was/is a joy and her sisters adore her and always did.

You sound in the perfect position to have a third and I can’t see any reason why not.

I say go for it if that’s what you both want.

What did you decide OP?

What does good parenting mean to do and various age groups? For me it means having time to listen nightly to my younger primary school children read and to read to them, give them focused 1:1 time to truely listen to tell and help them develop their interests. Take them to all to a couple of clubs a week. I couldn’t parent the way I want with three children. I doesn’t mean it’s not possible, it’s just not possible for me.

I have 2 girls the same age apart. They stopped getting along about midway through primary school, so I wouldn’t bank on having 2 harmonious sisters for too long. Now the second one gets on better with her little brother.

Aw I'm the 3rd daughter in this scenario so I vote have another one lol. Your situation sounds ideal, so if you want another one why not?

People say things about holidays/cars/trains etc, but what is all that compared to a life? Its miniscule and you have the money 💞

My older sisters are closer to each other than me but I have a nice relationship with each of them. 3 sisters is a wonderful thing, or you could have a boy which I bet they'd love.

I went for a third and ended up with twins

I had 3, 2 boys then a girl. They’re adults now and the youngest 2 are very close. My boys were never very close to be honest.

I have three, I wouldn't advise it for anyone at all.

Er… of course there’s a difference between having a smaller family vs a bigger one in terms of environmental impact! There’s quite a lot of research on it.

Honestly in your position no I wouldn't or if you do decide to have another baby do it on the understanding you may have virtually no family support going forward . Is this something you can manage without? You have already said your family have been hugely helpful but your parents want to travel so you can't decide to have another baby and expect them to change there plans.

I have 3 and it's very hard work. You never get a break, someone always needs you, someone always wants you and something always needs done. We have virtually no family support but this reality for us maybe yours. Is it something you can manage? The age gaps between your kids may also start to show as they get older to. My oldest is 4.5 years older than my middle child and 7 years older than my youngest. They have very little in common due to the age gaps. DH and I often have to divide and conquer to ensure the kids are all happy. Day trips are difficult as it's hard to find anything they all enjoy. Having a third makes a huge difference financially to.

Sorry that should have read it is possible for some people but it’s not possible for me.

I would. It could be a boy you all adore.

I have three and absolutely no regrets but a very different scenario to yours. Mine are 17, 14 and 4 - boy, boy, girl (4 yo with second husband and she is his first and last).