We have two happy, healthy boys (aged 13 and 9), who love each other’s company. They are both home bodies and are on the introverted end. They are both well-liked and get invited to things with friends and parties etc, but neither of them are that bothered. Our eldest does go on sleepovers, but sometimes just doesn’t feel the need to see his friends outside of the school. I’d say he goes to about 80% of the things he’s invited to.
Our youngest basically adores his big brother and has a couple of friends at school, but isn’t keen on hanging out with his friends outside of school. He never asks to have play dates and if I suggest one he says, “No thanks!” He’s kind of like an old man in a child’s body and I just don’t think he gets that much from being around his peers. I volunteered recently on a school trip with his class and I could see where he was coming from. Some of the kids were crazy, didn’t listen and knowing my son, I could see why he would find them annoying. His friends are the calmer ones.
I’m ok with my children listening to themselves and not feeling like they have to go to everything. I think it shows an inner confidence. I think if they get an invitation and politely decline, that’s ok. If they say yes and commit to doing something, I expect them to follow through.
My husband doesn’t feel comfortable with how antisocial they are and thinks they should make more effort with their friends. He thinks I don’t push them hard enough to do that. I think my husband sometimes cares more about pleasing others than about what our kids want for themselves. DH was very sociable when he was younger, not so much now. I was super sociable too, but I love being at home now that I’m older and I like seeing my friends, but also love staying in.
Should we push our kids to make more effort with their peers or just accept them as they are, as long as they are being kind?