shock outrage my friend has offered my nanny a job!

[Cos]

I have a four day a week nanny and last week as she was asking for a pay rise she mentioned one of my friends has offered her a job on fridays. I'm outraged that she did'nt mention it to me first, but husband says i'm being neurotic.
what does anyone think?

Cos, I personally think that your friend definitely should have asked you first out of courtesy. Our Nanny also works a four day week and I would be upset if this happened. Obviously, there is always the possibility that your work schedule could be changed or, you may just want an extra half day of help going forward. Also, I don't know if you pay your Nanny net but if you do, you need to clarify that she would be responsible for the extra tax and NI.

I presume your nanny is live out as it would be even more annoying if you were providing your friend with subsidised childcare!.

I share a nanny with another family for 4 days - and we said that on Fridays we wanted first refusal if ever we needed her but after that it was up to her how she spent her day off. She gets paid a full weeks pay for 4 days so she doesn't normally work.

In your shoes 2 things struck me
a) I think your nanny is applying a little emotional 'blackmail' here - you need to give her a rise I think to ensure her loyalty ( if she is worth it!)
b) why didn't your friend mention this to you?

My suggestions would be to say to your nanny you were thinking of a pay rise anyway and when could you sit down with your nanny and discuss her review and to go over why she is getting a pay rise etc. Try to find out why she feels the need to give up her long weekend to work for your friend. Ask yourself is she worth the extra money ( yes probably!)

Talk to your friend to say that you would like to have the option of being able to share your nanny on fridays if you need to and negotiate priority for yourself (you employ her for the rest of the week so you're entitled!) and then also discuss with your nanny!

I might add (probably unecessarily) that if you follow any of this advice to do it in the best possible taste to avoid any confrontations!

I think it is a very workable situation and not one to worry about too much - I am surprised that your friend didn't ask your 'permission' first as it would only have been polite ( you might have been thinking about working full time!) I agree with your outrage for this reason but I am sure with a little conversation and negotiation all will work out well (I hope!) Hope this helps.

Thanks Tlb and Bells
My nanny also works saturdays so i'm concerend about her workload.. I pay tax and NI for her so I have concerns about that too. I know its all workable but i guess i'm just a little hurt friend did't think to discuss these issues with me first. as for a pay rise, its just four months since the last one and its just getting uneconomic for me to work. thanks for the support and advice though, its great to be able to let off steam on these boards.

I think that your friend did not behave in a very friendly way when she offered your nanny a job without even raising the matter with you first. I would have to chat this through with any friend that did this to me.
Good luck.

Faced with that as an issue ie working too much and four months since her last raise and worth it working - Forgive me for being so blunt - but is she being paid market or above market rate could you get a better deal with a new childcare arrangement? I know that probably doesn't sound Ideal but sit down and have a serious think about it. We pay our nanny net £75 per day ( in London - which is a good rate for nanny share apparantly) and she looks after two little girls the same age (20 months currently!) I had to look after them both yesterday as she has been very ill (first time in over a year!) and I was exhausted! so I know she is worth every penny and I would be devastated if we lost her but it wouldn't be the end of the world as I am of the opinion that we would manage somehow.

I sympathise with you on the pay rise front Cos. Our Nanny gets paid at the top end of the scale for a five day week for four days work. She made it clear she expected a big rise last year and in the end she got it. This is despite the fact that neither my husband or I had a pay rise last year and as a live-in, we are absorb most of her extra costs anyway (in terms of food and general living expenses and so on). The difficulty is of course that once you get someone you are happy with, you are willing to do almost anything to avoid a change.

What has happened in the past four months that makes her feel she needs another pay rise, what happened to yearly or 6 monthy reviews/payrises? Nannies seem to hold parents to ransom these days. Strange that your friend didnt mention it to you first, to sound you out about your nanny's position and how you'd feel. Hope it all goes OK.

I think you've every right to be cross with the friend. She should have mentioned it to you first. If your nanny just wanted the work, she could possibly have taken the job and not mentioned it to you. But the fact that she has used it as a bargaining tool to ask for more money from you should ring warning bells with your husband at least.
I guess when you say she works Saturdays you mean somewhere else, not for you. So I might also want to sound her out on whether losing another free day for herself is such a good idea.
Good luck!

We had a situation where some friends, not close but our kids are friends at playgroups, we'd talked about having dinner/ getting the kids together often and the husband and my husbands paths cross often through work, actually tried to poach our nanny. They offered her more money and really put pressure on her. To her credit she didn't tell us about it until she was leaving last year (and never tried to get us to up her pay). Instead she introduced another nanny friend to them who's currently their nanny.
Can you believe it, it still makes me cross just thinking about it now - I think it's absolutely outrageous behaviour. Cos I don't think your friend's behaviour is quite so bad, but still out of order. I'd be v annoyed.

I think your friend has overstepped the mark, too.
I also think it's a real infringement of your family privacy.

First, as others have said it shows a lack of basic courtesy that your friend didn't talk it through with you before asking your nanny.

Second, your nanny will be privy to the intimate day-to-day life of both you and your friend's home and how it's run, children etc and could really stir things up (deliberately or not) by making tactless comments to either of you about the other.

If you and your friend do share this nannny, I think it's important that you all (along with the nanny)openly agree on conditions and the daily rate she is paid by both of you, to reduce the possibility of her favouring one of you over the other at a later date.

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robinw
actually here in the midlands a nanny is much cheaper than nursery when you have three tots.
robbie on another tack
thanks for the recomendation for strawberry hill in jamaica, we had lunch there and it was great

This happened to me in a slightly different way. I had a nanny from college who came to me on day release (not paid by me) but she did come at weekends and in the evenings and was paid for this. When she qualified I knew that a friend of mine's husband had just died and she was looking for help with her young children (4 year old and 7 wk baby) as she would have to return to work. I of course as a friend suggested my nanny would be looking for work during the week as she was now qualified. Ever since I made this grave mistake (no pun intended) my now ex-friend has walked all over me with regard to the nanny that she now employs basically 24-7. I was so supportive of her when her husband died and she has repaid me by taking away my only support. She is now dating another woman's husband who also has a mistress with two children and an ex-wife but that's another story/sitcom.