I'm worried something is amiss with my 2.5yo dd

[overthinker345]

Hi all, I’m not looking for reassurance here just honest opinions and advice regarding some concerns I have regarding my 2.5y DD’s behaviour – namely the following:

• Fixated on closing open doors at home, and becoming quite upset if she can’t
• Becoming upset if elements of routine aren’t adhered to, eg. Us all taking off coats immediately once we get into the house
• She watches cartoons when she has her morning milk before nursery, she cries if we don’t instantly find the cartoon she wants (cocomelon!)
• When out walking, she wants to be carried everywhere -not even in her pram. This only occurs with her father and myself
• Melts down very quickly if she doesn’t get her own way over minor things
• She is very withdrawn with new people, doesn’t smile etc and can become upset eg. If we go to her grandparents and they have several friends over she will cry and say no on repeat
• Can be echolalic – if repeats something she may do so several times within a short space of time even if we continue to reaffirm what she is saying.
• Holds eye contact with me but it is fairly brief and she doesn’t necessarily smile when I do
• Always been quite demanding generally, rather than easy/content. Even as a small baby

Things to note she does do, which from my understanding mean that my worries for the points above could be dismissed:

• Advanced speech and extremely verbal
• Engages in pretend play
• Has formed friendships at nursery and shows interest in other children when out
• Affectionate at home, gives cuddles kisses and says she loves us
• Engages in joint attention
• Very good eater & sleeper
• Doesn’t seem bothered for toys that spin

I guess I just want to know whether anyone else thinks these could potential flags for something to keep an eye on… I'm a ftm and can be prone to over thinking after a traumatic pregnancy and 1st year which I am being treated for)... HV/GP & nursey (which she attends five days a week) don’t see cause for concern, but I know things can get missed when they are younger and girls can be harder to screen. I know early intervention can help children tremendously so I just want to get things in place as earlier as possible if it's necessary

Thanks in advance

Her MCHAT-R score is 2 for the following:
-Doesn't smile back at me (sometimes she does, probably twice out of ten)
-Doesn't look me in the eye when talking or playing with him or dressing her (again, sometimes does but not always)

Hey there, I think if you are worried about her behaviour maybe linking to Autism or ADHD I would see a specialist as she could just be a wonderfully strange kid.

However, what I do recommend is weaning her off Cocomelon. I did a research project on the link between kids television and brain development. One of the reasons she may be acting out is due to Cocomelon, extensive research suggests it overstimulates children leading to increased meltdowns and tantrums. Try other low-stimulating shows, especially those made in the 80s, 90s and 00s which has had a massive impact on several children's behavioural issues.

Sounds very similar to DD who is now almost 4 and on the ASD pathway. My back is buggered from carrying her - she has got better with this fyi!

She doesnt watch cocomelon but she does get irrationally upset if its not the exact thing she wants to watch too.

I really struggled with the idea DD could have ASD as she didnt seem to do any of the 'common traits' like spinning, stimming, lining toys. She has sensory issues with sound and speech delay. Other things developed over the past year such as stimming.

Could be something, could be nothing with your DD. Its something to keep an eye on over the next year - lots changes at this age.

Hmmm, a lot of this sounds just like my 2.5 year old and I’m not concerned! The only things that stand out that she doesn’t do are the eye contact thing and doors. However my oldest went through a phase of wanting to close doors all the time and she’s absolutely fine! Both mine have been shy around new people at that age but have grown out of it - oldest still a bit shy but it’s just her personality…I’m no expert though

My daughter was diagnosed with autism at 3, and your second list of things your child DOES do could also be about my daughter. She is very intelligent, chatty, affectionate etc. So might still be good to get her checked out if you're concerned

My DS is 6 and was diagnosed aged 4. He is very chatty, very affectionate and makes eye contact.
I would book an appt with your health visitor or GP and go from there.

@TribeofFfive if you dont mind me asking what made you realise that your son had ASD?

@ClaustrophobicKipper what were the flags that made you realise your daughter needed an assessment? thank you for repsonding,all advice is v much appreciated

Of course not.
He walked on tip toes, lots of repetitive actions and language, he enjoys playing with other children and will approach them but struggles with social etiquettes and personal space, very emotional; what you said about meltdowns over minor things is very much like my son. He can go from 0-100 in a second over something that others would consider small. He used to be very strict around routine but this has eased slightly as he has got older.

@TribeofFfive thank you so much for sharing, truly appreciate it. I have been talked down by family members and my OH so much on the topic it really helps to speak to others who have a better gauge on the topic. I'm obsessing now as to how it could impede her in the future, she is an only child and always will be - we're older parents after conceiving her via IVF - and my biggest worry is how she could potentially struggle navigating life. Hearing that your son enjoys forming meaningful relationships with others is v reassuring

I’ve been through all these worries; will he live alone, will he work etc. I won’t tell you not to worry because you will. I won’t tell you it’ll all be fine because nobody knows what anyone’s future is.
What I will say is that early intervention is key and you are clearly on the ball which will benefit her massively. I applied for an EHCP for my son prior to him starting school as I wanted to ensure he would have support in place from day 1. He started reception in a very small group of 6 children to 3 adults doing half days. He is now a very happy Y1 child who goes full days in the main class with 29 other children and is making fantastic progress. He isn’t where a lot of his class are but he’s miles above where HE was last year and that’s amazing.
feel free to message me if you want to ask anything specific. It’s an absolute rollercoaster of emotions and what ifs but you’re not alone.

She sounds like a very typical 2.5 year old in my opinion, but im no expert :). I have a 3 year old myself and I have no worries, however there's something to be said about a mother's intuition.

Mine would do alllll of these things, and god help me if I break away from routine!!

The list of things she can do is amazing & v positive.

One thing I have changed with my child is letting her watch anything like Cocomelon (which are designed to be addictive), that's massively reduced the meltdowns and tantrums. We now stick to BBC Julia Donaldson classics such as the Gruffalo, Room on the Broom or Stick Man. They're a lot calmer and slower. Very minor but worth a mention!

My son is the same age and does pretty much all those things and I'm not worried, but as a PP, your intuition is key.

If you are worried it's worth checking in.

I second weaning off Coco melon. We stick to Postman Pat, colour blocks and Julia Donaldson stuff if we need to get on with bits. Seems to work for distraction but not so much that when we need to call time he melts down.

Hope you are OK, it can be exhausting having worries like these.

Sounds normal