If you don't smack - how do you discipline for dangerous things?

[NotABanana]

Running in road

messing about in road

removing seat belt in car

etc etc

I also think discipline is not about punishment- which is what a smack would be- but teaching them that with independence comes responsibility.
They are never too young to start that lesson imo

We've just let our 4 yr old unbuckle himself when the car stops. He's just turned 4 and we used it as a 'I'm ready to be four' incentive. We've also started giving him pocket money (20p to spend in our old fashioned sweet shop) He likes this responsiblity and quite happily tells his brother that as he's four he can do a lot more.

We never had running in the road as he was in the buggy or holding my hand. We do talk about what could happen if he did and he can tell me in great detail (he is a 4 yr old boy ) if he were to play/run in the road I would remind him of what we had said and then warn him if he did it again he would have to come in as I couldn't trust him. That would cure it for my son...

yeah reins don't fit in with my ethos either

but nor does a dead child

fgs

Hey fillyjonk, I think reins can be overused, but they are absolutely necessary in some situations. Far better than a child always in a pushchair or (worse) car. I've never used them, but my two are far apart in age, and have always been reasonably easy to use. (I did own reins though, very good as a highchair harness when travelling to countries that don't use 'em, when you have a lemmingish child.)

The long boring explanation has its uses when they're bigger. We walk everywhere, my two are often on bikes (and DS2 has been this way since he was 2 at least), and although they zoom ahead, they do always stop.

My current amusement is, they stop at zebra crossings, and wait for me to catch up, fine. I'm trying to get them to stop further back from the crossing, so drivers don't get nervous (and to avoid the small risk that they trip into the road or something). But they've taken to stopping at the crossing, and then imperiously waving drivers on. I can see that it's really confusing to these drivers to take instructions from a 3-year-old on a wooden bicycle, but at least they can see he isn't about to ride out, and they do generally drive on.

I know they should stop further back, but watching them waving drivers on just cracks me up ...

Prevention where possible - ds always holds my hands on roads. If he tries not to hold my hand I tell him we'll turn around and go back home. He will see through it one day but for now it works! Also I give choices - "do you want to hold my hand or do you want me to carry you?" Then he chooses one and we do it.

For dangerous stuff I use the scary voice. I don't shout often so when I do it stops him in his tracks. If it's the 1st time I say sorry for shouting and explain why it's dangerous. If he knows it's dangerous and still does it, scary voice, sanctions and possibly thinking spot if we're at home and it's appropriate.

why are reins so reviled by some people? I thought they were great, ds wore them when learning to walk, it meant we could go outside and walk on the pavement or in the park and I'd leave them loose but at soon as he tripped I'd hoik him up in the air...legs dangling and looking very undignified, but no cuts and bruises! I really feel it gave him confidence, getting all that injury-free practise. I think I'm missing something, but really want to know why some don't like them? Is it the "child on a lead" thing?

On the seatbelt thing my friend used to keep a book in her car. When her children took off their seatbelts, she stopped the car told her children they could continue the journey when the seatbelts were back on and then sat and read until the seatbelts were done up again. Then she would calmly carry on the driving. She only had to do it a couple of times.
Myself I went for the shouting option. It worked very well on my dd1 (then 3).

If they mess about on roads I pick them up move them off the road and tell them not to it.

Agree, Kitbit.
DS1, biddable child, always held hands, wouldn't run off, predictable. Never had the need to use reins.

DS2, impulsive, FAST, unpredictable, no sense of danger.

Better a child on reins than a child in danger.

I had been someone who had disliked the idea of reins, until DS2 came along.

Not all children are alike, and not all children respond to the same parenting strategies as their siblings.

Re: removing seatbelt in car. I also used to pull over, tell them to put the belts back on, and ignore the children until they had done so.

With the seatbelt refusal and older children I will explain the dangers.

On the occasions they have decided to be difficult and wind me up by refusing, I just explain that I want them to do it. I then pick on their current passion, eg Cubs, laserquest etc and say something like, 'You want me to take you to cubs on thursday, I want you to put on your seat belt now. If you don't put on your seat belt now, I will not be taking you to cubs on thursday'.

This has worked so far.

Running into road, putting hand in the fire etc etc..If you can grab hold of them before they are injured and you smack them, well, you could have grabbed hold of them to remove them from the danger and take them to a safe place! you can then talk to them about what could have happened, or tell them off, or whatever.

And if you couldn't get there in time and they're hurt, well, you're hardly going to smack an injured child, are you?

And of course, you do everything possible to minimise risk in the first place. Proactive not reactive!

With a 7 year old, tell them it's the law that they have to wear their seatbelt, that you could be prosecuted if he doesn't/
Threaten him with a point harness "baby seat"

With a 7 year old, tell them it's the law that they have to wear their seatbelt, that you could be prosecuted if he doesn't/
Threaten him with a point harness "baby seat"

Hellish, my usually lovely DSs have said to me 'ha ha you'll have to go to jail then' when I have used the prosecution argument.

I feel some of what has been recommended isn't really practical, I can't put a 7 year old in a buggy or on reins, but thank you all anyway. Lots of things I can do.