for background my child’s father and I have not been together since before our child was born. He recently moved 4 hours away and contact takes place at his mother’s house. Concerns have been arising about my 8 year olds wellbeing in terms of sleep arrangements, separation anxiety etc. it was his birthday only 2 weeks ago and his father bailed on him for the weekend. So we dealt with a very upset boy and tried to make last minute plans. This went well and he exclaimed it was the best weekend ever!
however he just came back last night from time with his dad, who will now not see him until July due to our holiday plans and then his dad not able to see him due to birthdays and weddings with his friends. Upon arrival last night, he was so excited to tell me what his grandmother (father’s mum) and him has made for a gift for his dad ready for Father’s Day.
this was a sweet idea until he went on to explain how he was made a rolled up cigarette for his dad, he was the one to place the paper, filter and baccy (fluffy stuff as he called it) and then his grandmother rolled it and placed it in the card as a gift from him.
I am absolutely gobsmacked at the idea that this was an appropriate gift in her eyes for one. And then the fact she supervised while he handle the tobacco and was essentially taught how to make a cigarette!
i have tried speaking to both the grandma and child’s father. The grandma is upset at her mistake and the father said he doesn’t condone it, however it has been done, there’s nothing we can do about it and there has worse happened in his life and not to dwell. This does not sit right with me and I am deeply concerned for my child when around these adults that are supposed to take care of him!!
my question being am I going to be an unreasonable parent to stop the contact, or what other things can I do moving forward to help both parent and grandparent understand how absurd the gift is and how unhappy I am?
Hope for all your help and input!
any context needed, do just let me know! I don’t post often