How can I be less of a total cow to DH and DCs?

[moomoomoppinguppoo]

DS1 is 2.5, DS2 is 7m. I've just returned to work, part time. All of my time apart from maybe 1 hour a day is spent on relentless chores, childcare or work. I'm tetchy with the kids and with DH and DS2 is screaming non-stop from 4am and won't sleep in the day (otherwise, he's a total charmer, though). DS1 is very demanding - he's a lovely boy: very serious and a bit highly strung, but lovely. The thing is, it's so much of a battle to get everything done and keep the house if not clean then at least not filthy, and keep everyone fed, I'm just rushing with everything and I don't think I'm appreciating the kids and being able to savour this stage of their life.

It's such a struggle to get them up and breakfasted and ready in time in the morning, even though I've done as much as possible the night before. I know I should be chatting to the baby as I change his nappy in the morning, but often I find myself lost in my own thoughts about the day ahead. I want to be patient with DS1, but I got sooo, so annoyed this morning when we were all totally ready to leave for work/nursery and he announced he needed a wee wee, having refused one until then. I don't want to be that mother - I want to sigh and take it on the chin and think that I'll be able to make up the 10 minutes I'm late for work some other time (except I'll have to go in at the weekend to do it, probably).

It's hard, but then it's supposed to be, being a mother, so I shouldn't be complaining. I just want to get out of the mindset of being grumpy the whole time, because these are precious years, and my children are fabulous and very much wanted. I just can't seem to juggle all the balls at once. Any tips?

What does your DH do while you are doing all of this? I work part-time, and although in many ways it can be the best of both worlds it can also be really difficult because you still end up with all the domestic work and childcare that you might have if you were a SAHM.

If you are working say 3 days a week and your DH is working 5 days that gives you 4 days not doing paid work and him 2, so a 2/3rds 1/3rd split of childcare and choses is probably reasonable.

We split chores - DH does bath and bed time, while I make dinner that sort of thing. My house is usually not very tidy or clean but I'm learning to live with it!

I would say don't try to do it all yourself, lower your standards and get a cleaner if you can afford it.

moomoo it really sounds like you've got a lot on your plate and you shouldn't punish yourself for finding it hard or not enjoying it. I second millies suggestion that DH needs to be sharing chores. Can you do anything practically to ease the pressure ie shop online? Make big batches of stuff like chilli or spag bol and freeze so you don't have to be starting from scratch cooking every night.

Do the chores that you mention need to be done? Is it necessary to mop the floor every day or whatever. I have reduced down most of what I do on work days just because when I'm out of the house, looking at a floor that needs hoovering doesn't matter. I've also cut down massively on ironing recently by hanging clothes as soon as they're washed and folding very flat. I think you need to reduce your chores to something more manageable.

I would definitely get a cleaner and see it as an investment in your mental health. If this time is about 1. enjoying your kids and 2. gaining fulfilment from your work, I say it's time to ditch the chores as far as you can..

You sound like me! I have a DS who's 4 and a DD who's 1 and is very hard work at night and I work 3 days. I got a cleaner which is probably the best thing I've done as I get very irritated when the house is dirty. DH took responsibility for ironing his and kids clothes and he is responsible for loading and unloading dishwasher. He does other things too but those are his main things. I meal plan every week and do an on-line shop which takes less than time than going to the supermarket. A few months ago I was really overwhelmed and anxious which was resulting in me being very cross and shouty with kids. I started on a very low dose of anti-depressants and that has made a difference to helping me cope with it all.

I still feel as if I'm on a treadmill that gets faster and faster and there's always something to be done. I set aside Friday night to do something for me (DH goes out) and I have an M&S tea, some wine and watch telly regardless of what needs done.