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Two year old behaviour and hitting

1 reply

gemstone20 · 19/05/2024 19:15

Posting In desperation.
i have a 2 year old and a three month old and since her arrival his behaviour has been horrendous.

Whilst I totally appreciate it’s likely because of the new baby and general developmental changes, I’m struggling with the hitting.
He constantly hits, shoves and jabs the baby. Occasionally myself and my husband but I can cope with that and it’s usually in response to being told off.
We also struggle with sharing in the company of friends children and hitting and throwing when he’s not getting his own Way!! Although I’m told this isn’t an issue at nursery! 🤷🏽‍♀️
It is incredibly intense and I’m just not sure what to do now. I’ve tried reward charts, removing toys, removing him from the situation etc etc. Nothing seems to work.

Does anyone have any friendly advice or experience of this stopping at some magical point?

Please be kind, I’m trying to do the best I can but struggling when I feel like my child is the ‘naughty one’

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FlakyAquaQuoter · 19/05/2024 19:23

Sorry to hear you're struggling.
I have a 2 year old too, and we've been finding it tricky with the hitting. While she's currently an only child, and it's only ever me, it's been in response to any little thing I say which isn't "of COURSE you can".

It's been going on for a while and I'd also given each of the above a good go. The thing that's finally calmed things right down is removing myself.

"I'm going to leave the room now to keep myself safe. I will not let you hit me".

Then I leave. She immediately chases me and says sorry and strokes whichever bit she hit.
Quite often now, if she does hit, she'll say sorry before I've even opened my mouth.

It's reduced a lot over the last few weeks and things are definitely easier. Beforehand she'd just chase me down to keep hitting me.

As she's gotten older I've also found it easier to discuss things with her. Not in the moment but at other times. She'll tell me someone hit her at nursery. I'll say "oh no, how did you feel when that happened?" And she's able to tell me how sad she felt. I've then been able to explain to her that using our hands to hit people makes them really sad and isn't kind at all.

So on the odd time she's hit me lately, it'll be a few hours later when it's long forgotten and she'll come and tell me how she'd made me sad by using her unkind hands and that she's sorry again.

Obviously the understanding comes with age and at the moment their feelings are big and their coping skills for them are small. So in the meantime, moving away when possible can be the negative effect they need.

I also make a huge deal out of her kind hands. Every kiss or cuddle gets full attention and "oh wow, thank you for being so kind. It's made me SO happy!!" And that positive reinforcement went alongside things.

It gets easier, I promise. Just stick with whatever thing you try and that boundary will eventually hold!

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