4.5 month old eye contact worry

[Flower90]

Please someone either give me some reassurance or some similar stories with your own babies who were terrible at eye contact but turned out completely fine?

I definitely have postnatal anxiety and at the moment I am hyper sensitive to his development, and I am really noticing that compared to my first child (now 3.5) he does not engage anywhere near as much.
He will completely avoid my face if he’s being held, a bit better if he’s laying on his back, where he will look and smile. But when I am holding him he will completely turn away. I know for a fact my first didn’t do this as I have video proof of her really staring into my eyes and trying to initiate the connection herself.

Physical milestones seem to be fine, grabbing toys and tracking objects, has laughed, can sit with support and almost rolling. Is quite a good sleeper at night.

This eye contact thing is getting me down as I feel like I can’t engage and bond with him properly.

I just have this horrible gut feeling that in a few years he’ll be diagnosed with autism and I will say I knew it all along!

Please tell me I’m expecting too much from a 4 month old. I’m just comparing him to his sister so much :(

Thank you x

Hiya - just posted an almost identical thread! Just wondering how little one is doing now?

Hiya, he is 7 months now and still doesn’t love eye contact close up but he is very engaging from a distance and he is always trying to interact with people. He has smashed all of his milestones sitting, crawling and pulling to stand earlier than most babies. I think my anxiety is just not great as I found myself around 6 months completely forgetting about this and realising he was totally fine.
Hes very smiley and laughs a lot and plays peekaboo etc, can pull a cloth from my head and his own head, and turns to his name when I call him. So I should be reassured by those things but in the last couple of weeks I feel anxious about the eye contact again and I don’t know why.

Thank you so much for the reply! It’s so hard and I feel so guilty for worrying so much! Having read that I think there is a few areas DD is struggling with!

DD doesn’t roll and hasn’t really started with the movement milestones yet and cries hysterically when food touches her (hand or mouth) - I will try and just enjoy her for now and see if the gp will refer us to paediatricians in the meantime!

@Flower90 how is your baby now?

@Afern how is baby now?

My baby is 14 months now and he is THE most interactive, engaging, funny and cheeky little boy ever. If you are worrying about the same thing I was then please try not to :( it absolutely ruined my time with him in the early days and I was riddled with anxiety.
I think I was expecting my 4 month old to act like a toddler who adores his mummy which is just ridiculous. Do you have anxiety? Xx

@Flower90 tbansk so much replying.

i have recently been told I have PND and anixety and am seeing a therapist but every stage I am riddled with anixety and your completely right it ruins any joy you have :(

its more family come and pick him up and hold him super close and start shouting his name and I immediately feel sick and riddled with anxiety :( he wants to look anywhere else but when lying down he 100% engaged laughs etc he sits in a chair and looks at me alot but wil not on my knee.

when did it get a bit easier for you? Did you get help? I’m seeing a therapist on Thursdays now

thansk again for reply

Honestly it’s like you are me last year. I had severe PND and anxiety. As you can see I commented when baby was 7 months and I was still questioning things.
It probably wasn’t until he was about 9/10 months old that I started to enjoy him without analysing him. I got lots of help. I was offered VIG therapy (video interactive guidance, they film you and your baby interacting) which was so helpful, I’m not sure what areas offer it though. I’m still on medication now.
But if I’m truthful the thing that made the biggest difference was just time. I think I am someone who hates the unknown of the baby stage and the unknown of the future and who they will turn out to be. I remember that panicky feeling when calling his name or trying to gaze into his eyes when he was on my lap and him turning away, or when a family member held him and he’d look away I was freaking out that they must be thinking “what is wrong with this baby”.
Now I can look at other babies and realise they ALL DO THAT!! Mine also laughed and engaged when laying down just never when upright! It’s a common thing it seems.
By 1 years old it all felt like a distant memory and we have such an amazing bond, he plays games with me, follows instructions, initiates kisses and cuddles, passes me books he wants me to read, says a few things and animal noises, and best of all, looks at his mummy with the most wonderful smiley eyes and I KNOW how much he loves me…. 10 months ago I never would have believed he would turn into this. But I promise you it will happen to you too!
Just please accept all the help you can get with your anxiety and be kind to yourself ❤️

@Flower90 thanks so much for your reply.
I really hope my therapy can help. It’s so worrying I go down a spiral.
how old is your little one now?
I feel like I’m wishing this first few years away :(
Thanks so much again
tanya

He’s 14 months today and he’s currently pushing his toy car down the slide over and over again laughing his head off 😁 they don’t stay little babies for long… and in my experience I am bloody glad of that.
Everyone tells you to soak up the moments before they’re gone which just makes you feel guilty but in my experience I couldn’t wait for the baby stage to be over and that’s fine, not everyone likes it. I certainly have no desire to do it ever again!
Let me know how you get on x

@Flower90 its so nice speaking to someone in similar situation and feelings. Im so grateful for your replies and your little ones is thriving and happy 🥰