Baby sleep - is this ok?

[jolies1]

DS is 9 weeks old - for the last 2-3 weeks it’s been impossible to put him down asleep as he inevitably wakes as soon as he is down in his pram / next to me. So DP and I have been putting him down still awake after his feeds & at bedtime. He has a dummy but often spits it out after a few minutes.

After his evening bath, feed and cuddle he will be asleep within 5 minutes. During night feeds it sometimes takes a little longer - just now he has fed, had a little grumble and wriggle about, done some smiling up at me and now he is asleep after a couple of false starts. Nap times can be a bit more tricky (probably as more going on) but he will always sleep longer if he has put himself to sleep, he does have some contact naps but these are always shorter than if he falls asleep in pram or cot.

I always pick him up straight away if he cries or shows any signs of being hungry or uncomfortable & of course I or his dad are always right next to him.

However I spoke to a mum with a similar age baby and she said what we are doing will harm his attachment to us and is cruel, & he likely falls asleep by himself as he is exhausted - I feel absolutely horrible if this is the case but I honestly thought he was happier this way! Is it ok to let a baby so young put themselves to sleep?

Of course it is! You're doing everything right. I always picked up my babies if they cried but they should get used to falling asleep independently.

It’s not cruel at all if he’s happy!
It’s great that he can drift off to sleep lying down. My DS could also do it when he was little but then stopped being able to do it as he got a bit older and more alert (he’s 4 months now).

Baby sleep can be quite variable so don’t be disappointed if he stops being able to do it - and I’m sure you would pick him up / help him get to sleep etc if needed.

Absolutely fine. Just ignore other mum's opinions. You do you.

I let the attachment stuff guilt me with all three of my kids and ended up so absolutely beside myself with exhaustion that I would walk into walls and my husband and I became like strangers. Meanwhile, my friends who took a more strict approach were sleeping all night and (I presume) having time and energy to invest in their relationships. There are threads on here from mothers of toddlers who are at the absolute end of themselves, on the brink of falling apart and having to sleep train their children.

My youngest is now sleeping through but my husband really had to take charge of the situation and sleep train her aged 19 months. Honestly, if I had my time again, I would be doing what you're doing!!! As long as you're being responsive, not letting a small baby cry for hours and it's more of giving them a chance to have a grumble before falling asleep, then go for it!

That mother was wrong. You're fine. Her logic was that sleep was harder for her than for you, she's working harder, therefore you must be bunking off and short-changing your baby.

In reality, babies are different and what you're doing works for your family. Your baby is happy. You don't need to prove your love through sleep exhaustion. It's not a competition where the more tired you are, the better you're doing.

Make sure you're in the room when he sleeps though, higher sids risk if he sleeps alone.

Oh god no. You are blessed.

My baby has always just gone down at night. No fuss. Happy to sleep and same for resettling during the night.
Naps were very easy to, got a little trickier later on but back to easy settling again.

My boy is very happy!!

When I was struggling, I got into rocking and patting and it did more harm I think as it over stimulated him, as soon as I stopped all that, he is sleeping better then ever!!

Self settling is the holy grail! You’re doing great. He’s not crying himself into unconsciousness every time you put him down. He sounds like a happy little chap.
i would guess there’s a bit of envy from the other mum, but just let her comments go.

Great crack on. And don't be so quick to pick them up either.
Mine are 21 and 19 and we did similar. Great sleepers. Picking them up was a last resort.

Thank you all - the post about shushing / patting making them over stimulated sometimes definitely made sense as baby dislikes being “messed with” in general, he is pretty contented being held calmly or lying on his mat etc but hates being changed, jiggled about too much or passed between people!

There's a big difference between putting a happy baby down awake and letting them fall asleep by themselves and leaving a baby to cry.
If they agree managing it at 9 weeks awesome.... Don't get too upset if they stop doing this around 4 months when they realise you aren't there but enjoy it for every day and week it lasts

My daughter is nearly 4 and can't manage this and I can struggle at 36! We both like a cuddle to get to sleep. I hate it when my partner works away. As long as the babies needs are being met I wouldn't change anything.

Both of my friends daughters slept as you described 12h a night from 6 weeks old. They used to lie to other mums and go a long with the oh I'm so tired chat to avoid saying they have amazing sleepers. My dad slept through from 36weeks gestation adjusted (born at 28 weeks) some babies just understand how to get to sleep. Others need reassuring that the world won't disappear if they close their eyes. I struggle to stop and switch off and I think my daughter is the same. I need the soothing sound of another humans breathing to let go of the day and embrace the night and sleep. There's no one size fits all when it comes to sleep!

The other mum is being awfully presumptuous.

Some babies need less 'help' to fall asleep than others.

When I was a new mum, I convinced myself (through reading too much on "attachment parenting") that if my baby wasn't constantly in my arms, I was somehow harming him. Nevermind harming myself as I became crippled with anxiety.

It sounds like you are responding well to your individual baby. He's the most important person to listen to!