DD 3.5 regressed from being p/trained & wants nappies back - HELP!

[wingandprayer]

DD was fully potty trained just before 3rd birthday. Literally woke up one day, decided she wanted to use the potty and rarely had an accident from that day on. Until november and our first family holiday, when she started having little dribble accidents. I asked people for advice, checked the websites, saw this was common, didn't fret too much, tried to ignore it as people advised. Had DS in July so assumed it was attention seekeing as only happened when she was having to share me with him - not at nursery or with gp's.

It was really really annoying, I'll admit, because I felt i couldn;t take them anywhere on my own because I'd have to drop everything and run for loo at minutes notice. But I got over this, encouraged her through use of remward charts etc. and it seemed to get better. However reward chart stopped working after 3 weeks, and since them she has got worse and worse. We're now at 3 or 4 full accidents a day for the last two weeks, and last night she found a pull up at the back of her wardrobe, put it on herself, and then had a full wee in it and didn't bother even trying for the toilet. She is still dry at night though, and has never pooed her pants, though will be interesting to see what happens today. I was wondering of recent increase has been related to DS's illness which struck at exactly the same point and has meant a lot of extra time having to be spent with him?

Today i woke up full of positivity, and tried the potty training techniques again. i have taken her to the loo every hour, rewarded no accidents, and she was fine until lunch. She had a drink at lunch and less than 30 mins later had full accident, I changed her, then she did it again within 15 minutes. Both occassions she's gone to the loo after but not in nearly enough time.

This is driving me mad. I am working mum with a small and rather demanding baby too and am really close to just losing it, which I really don't want. I hate the fact that this issue just dominates the time I have with her (I know, I'm letting it). I fear I have caused this, it's breaking my heart and I don't know how to fix it. There's a few stories on here about kids who have temporarily regressed, but has anyone got experience like this and what did you do? Should I put her back in nappies and start again in a few months when she has her confidence back? She has been "non-trained" now for longer than she was "trained" - was it just luck for those 4 months and I need to think again?

Don't profess to be an expert potty trainer but I have got three kids and am reasonably sensible. If it were me I would not pander to this. She can control her bladder she is choosing not to - could be to do with DS, my DS2 did a similar thing when we moved house at that age. If she isn't doing it a nursery or GPs then she is fully potty trained - it isn't a physical thing it is emotional.

Don't buy nappies or pull ups, don't even threaten her with them. Sounds like she would quite fancy being the baby again.
I'm a mean old mum and if one of my kids were doing this I would not be rushing to change them immediately after wetting. With a brisk breeze running through wet legs/trousers, staying dry seems much more desirable.

I have thought about this. Can she control her bladder though? I can't prove she can, so I am paranoid that by being more mean will only be making situation worse.

Is it possible for a 3 year old to be so manipulative that she will wet herself 3 times in an hour just for attention? Seems unlikely to me, but what else could it be? No signs of UTI.

She doesn't wet herself three times per hour at nursery or at her grandparents but just in your company. Therefore she has bladder control - as most 3.5 year olds do. She wants you to take care of her.

I'm not saying that she has a plan of action that goes - right then its just me and mum, I'm going to make her pay for bringing that pesky baby into my house.She just needs the rules reasserting. She is a big girl who wears pants not nappies. If she needs lot of cuddles and reassurance thats one thing, but I really would not put her back in nappies. If she wets, she wets and has to live with that.

New plan of action today - DH and me showing united tough front. All treats linked to keeping dry, accidents will mean naughty step and no privilidges and yes, wet pants to sit in. If goes to plan, will plan some nice mummy/daughter time too so she realises that actually if she is good girl she gets more time with mummy that if she has the accidents.

Thanks for advice Upto, you helped give me a new resolve!

My ds did this too, he was trained at about 2.4 within two days and had NO accidents until the week dd was born 4 months later. We never had "full" accidents but always wet pants/trousers, sometimes 5, 6, 7 times a day. Like you, I found it terribly frustrating because I knew that he was physically well able to get to the toilet in time.

I tried everything, reward charts, naughty step, ignoring it, for a while nothing seemed to work. But he did seem better if I made a special effort to spend some mummy time with him doing something interesting (baking, painting, etc).

My sister, who is a HV, was fairly sure it was an attention thing, but at his age said it would be subconscious, so he wasn't making a deliberate decision "oh I'll wet myself, that will get mummy's attention" and therefore she said that punishment, naughty step etc wouldn't work (because he never actually went through the decision-making process and weighed up the pros and cons). So we stuck to ignoring accidents, just sending him straight upstairs to change and put wet things in laundry basket, and lots of praise for being dry.

Eventually it stopped, as I'm sure your dd will. I didn't go back to nappies at all, as I thought this would just reinforce the message that being the baby was good/made life easier, but wanted to concentrate on praise and attention without him having to regress to that iyswim??

Sorry, that was probably no help whatsoever, but I just wanted to show some support because I know just how frustrating this can be!!!

Good luck.

Sorry for late reply but wanted to say thank Izzy for advice - glad to know we're not alone! Thanks to another related thread discovered Bright Bots pants, which look like normal knickers but have extra terry pad to absorb the small accidents and waterproof layer to protect clothes. Grand plan hasn't worked yet, but has got slightly better and thanks to new pants have less washing, so we're getting there!!

Just a thought..could your daughter have a urinary infection? Maybe worth double checking there is no medical issue.

I can really sympathise with your situation but unfortunately don't have any great advice as I have not even got my just 3 year old out of nappies for the first time.

I have considered this, but her wee all seems normal (there's plenty to see on a regular basis after all!) However, I've got a great HV and she's coming over for DS's 10 month check next week, and said she would test DD for infection then too just in case.

No, no poo thank god. Thought we were making some progress over last two weeks because were down to one small dribble accident a day, always towards the end. Then yesterday she set a new personal best of 6 full accidents in a day. Oh, and spoke to HV, she gave me a sample pot to check for UTI, managed to get a bit in there and DD later took it, emptied it out and rinsed it with water, meaning it not sterile and have to go back to doctors for another one.

Fridays usually worst day as she has to share my attention all day with DS. Have already dealt with one minor accident, signs not good. over last two weeks incentivising as we went along worked, but yesterday she ended up without her favourite toy, TV, ice cream for pudding, a trip to the park and any sweets and wasn't remotely bothered and still had 6 accidents. How can a 3yo be running me ragged???? ARGGHHHHH!!!!

oh i really know where your coming from i have exactly the same prob and ask the question to her why and all i get is because i did! i've been told to ignore it but its impossible i.ve tried park and everything but no treats as of yet work