Toxic school mums

[BlueMumma2018]

Can’t believe I have become the person bothered by this rubbish but here we are

The school mums at my child’s school are weird. There is a click of mums that is pretty big. It takes up over half the year. I stupidly dipped my toe into spending time with them and wish I didn’t. They all are the most bitchy people I have ever come across in my life. Tell them anything and you guarantee it’s spread like wildfire around the school. There the type that like to pretend they like you just so they know your business and can use you for gossip.
Anyway, my child has not been invited to a few birthday parties recently, it coincides with me removing myself from the click and not going to outings with them/ group chats etc. I have smiled and waved the whole way through and not made it obvious. But it’s really upset me that they are taking it out on my child. They are her friends birthday parties and her friends have asked her why she didn’t go.
I’m really struggling to remain an adult here and feel really silly like I’m at school myself. My problem is now that I have them all on social media - hence me seeing all the birthday posts. I don’t want to have anything to do with them. How do I go about this? I want to remove them but don’t want to make such a thing about it. How much can they really interfere with my child’s school life? I’m struggling to rationalise this.

Snooze and forget about such childish people

This is exactly why I do not engage with school mums, I much prefer being the outsider with RBF.

God thats shitty, are there any genuinely nice ones? People you actually like that have children your DD likes? Perhaps you can try to develop more one on one relationships with the nice ones? Were these small parties?

Tbh though I can’t imagine your DD not being invited to parties will have that much of an impact on her personal popularity. I would have just missed my friend being there and sad she wasn’t present but I wouldn’t have dropped her over it so it may not have the impact you feel.

@Chely if I have another child I will definitely not engage. I never believed they could be like this!

@Chickenuggetsticks there are a few nice ones that act normal. I am happy that I have one close relationship with another mum. Funny thing is she never engaged with them and her child gets invited to the parties, I think involving then removing myself I have made a terrible mistake lol. That’s true, the children don’t have a clue about the politics of it, yet! Just makes me so sad that an adult could do this to a child

Yeah they are arseholes, I made the mistake of being chatty to some I wish I hadn’t talked to, they gossip about their friends kids so I dread to think what they say about mine.

Now I just keep it pleasant, thats all you can do. Also kids really don’t care about their parents opinions on their friends, I’ve been trying to detach my own child from a frenemy with zero success so far.

@Chickenuggetsticks yes these ones say awful things about others kids. In fact the child’s birthday that they were all at they say the most about. In hindsight I’m like yes I done the right thing removing myself. I suppose the only thing they can do to bother me is direct it at my child.

Ahh sorry to hear that. They don’t have the best understanding of what a good friend is sometimes bless them 😢

Yeah they really don’t! But for your purposes it’s great! You did the right thing!

I just want to sympathise - I've had exactly the same situation and excluding our children from parties and play dates seems to me to be so cruel

Yanbu

They are her friends birthday parties and her friends have asked her why she didn’t go.

Sorry, which friends are asking her why she didn't go? The birthday child themselves or others. Because the first is odd, but even with the others the reply would simply be : 'I wasn't invited.' Why would she not say that?

I can't do anything about this just relax don't engage.