Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Parenting - do you ever feel like you're doing a good job?

30 replies

loodledoo · 17/05/2024 23:02

I'm a Mum to a 16 week old little girl and I'm trying my best to be a good Mum, we read, play, sing, go on outings/ see friends and I chat to her constantly, but every night I seem to go to bed with Mum guilt about not doing more/ being better.

I was just wondering if you ever get to the point as a parent where you feel like you're doing a good job.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Original poster
loodledoo · 18/05/2024 10:05

WeightoftheWorld · 18/05/2024 08:32

I don't feel guilt per se as often or as intensely generally as I did in the early days because frankly I have two of them now and lots of other stuff going on in life and I just don't have the time or headspace for as much of it!

I still do dwell on things sometimes though if we've had a particularly bad day or interaction, especially with my eldest who is still a very intense character at 6.

That makes sense, I can imagine it's so much busier with two! I think everyone dwells on things sometimes though, I guess that's just part of being a Mum.

OP posts:
callabamam · 18/05/2024 10:05

All the fucking time op and DD 4 is bright, very happy, sociable and so so loved.
I think as women we are conditioned to feel this way tbh. I've noticed DH doesn't feel dad guilt like I do mum guilt.
One thing I will say that I wish I had done when she was your little ones age was make sure that I had time for myself. I thought I needed to be with her 24/7 to be a good mum, which obviously I did as she was ebf for 6 months but I carried this on for years and felt burnt out. On reflection a bit of time to yourself where possible is important to not lose yourself in parenting. Also v important to share the mental load with partner, DH or whomever!
Also encouraging some independent play when she is old enough and not feeling bad for this.

Original poster
loodledoo · 18/05/2024 10:07

Singleandproud · 18/05/2024 08:46

Looking back the only time I felt like a bad mum was when aged 2.5years I was trying to get DD to sleep in her own bed (because that's what you are meant to do isn't it?) and she just wouldn't stay and was crying and clambering on me and I shouted "Just go to sleep" as I was exhausted, and woke up to find she had an oozing ear and a bad ear infection.

From that point on I decided to follow my instincts, ignore the 'experts' and do my own thing, I was so desperate as a youngish (20s) single parent to do as everyone else did to prove that I could. It was around the same time I read 'Bringing Up Baby's by Daisy Goodwin, which isn't really a parenting book but more a look of parenting trends and recommendations and what was going on politically and socially at that time and how they are intertwined.

DD continued cosleeping until she was 10 then one night during COVID decided enough was enough and started sleeping in her bed, it also turns out she's autistic and cosleeping is quite normal.

Baby's need very little if you provide for her physical needs, some social interaction and bring her up in a loving and caring home with some opportunities to try new things and follow her interests as she grows then thats enough. Ironically by trying to do too much you end up as a worse parent as you become stressed and baby's don't need stressed parents.

Mum definitely knows best. I'm glad to hear that you and your daughter did what works for you both in the end! I agree, I'm sure a less stressed parent better for baby. I will work on it! Thank you.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3-6 months old Babies & sleep Families
Original poster
loodledoo · 18/05/2024 10:08

FaeryRing · 18/05/2024 10:03

Yes I think I’m a good mum. I give 90% every day, I would say, and that’s enough. I work hard to keep the house clean and tidy, they have healthy meals, plenty of fresh air, we read to them every day, I’m interested in DD’s day at school and we have lots of chats/cuddles. We haven’t fallen back on tablets but the oldest (5) does watch CBeebies, half an hour over the course of the day perhaps, which I think is ok. Sometimes it’s none. The 1 year old has no screen time.

I probably fall down when it comes to playing with them. I do, but I’m not really a natural at it, so often leave that to DP or I arrange play dates.

But if that’s my biggest crime then I’m doing pretty well.

It sounds like you're a lovely Mum!

OP posts:
Original poster
loodledoo · 18/05/2024 13:41

callabamam · 18/05/2024 10:05

All the fucking time op and DD 4 is bright, very happy, sociable and so so loved.
I think as women we are conditioned to feel this way tbh. I've noticed DH doesn't feel dad guilt like I do mum guilt.
One thing I will say that I wish I had done when she was your little ones age was make sure that I had time for myself. I thought I needed to be with her 24/7 to be a good mum, which obviously I did as she was ebf for 6 months but I carried this on for years and felt burnt out. On reflection a bit of time to yourself where possible is important to not lose yourself in parenting. Also v important to share the mental load with partner, DH or whomever!
Also encouraging some independent play when she is old enough and not feeling bad for this.

That's so true, my husband is definitely very secure in the knowledge he's a good dad and he doesn't seem to doubt himself or get guilt in the way that I do. I can completely see how Mums get burnt out by putting pressure on themselves to do it all. Thank you, I am trying to make a bit of time for myself when I can!

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page