Am I in the danger zone for tantrums?

[lonewolff]

My little girl is 13 months old and just recently has started to become increasingly stroppy. She has also started to "test" us e.g doing things she knows she shouldn't - dribbling water down her chin, throwing her cup across the table, chucking food etc. We tell her no to all of these things and she can either cry, fling herself about or laugh at us and carry on doing it.
Is this when all the tantrums and difficult behaviour starts? Since having her I've been through phases of finding it really hard and then finding it more enjoyable. I am currently finding things difficult with her and not enjoying being a mum at the moment. I am even at the stage where I'm questioning whether I was ever right to become a mum and I feel a bit like I have imposter syndrome. She's at her grandparents house for the night tonight and I don't find myself missing her at all!

I don’t know, I think throwing food and dribbling water etc at 13 months is very much an exploration of their surroundings, textures etc. I wouldn’t say it’s bad behaviour at that age at all. Maybe they’ve had enough food or are bored and want to get down. I’d probably end the meal if they’ve finished eating.

Mine is now 2 and if they throw their food I ask if they’re all done and if they carry on I take it away. But at 13 months I think it’s more a case of them experimenting. I wouldn’t tell them off for it as such at that age.

Oh my goodness, sorry but you sound so negative. 'Doing things she knows she shouldn't' 'testing us'... gosh. She's 13 months. She's exploring the world and experimenting and figuring stuff out. It's absolutely fine that you're enjoying a night off and not missing her too much (everyone needs a break now and then) but I really wouldn't overly focus on the negatives here or worry about tantrums. Tantrums are more a toddler thing, anyway. She's a 13 month old being 13 months. Give her lots of lovely positive interaction, and she'll give you lots of love right back. No need to be chastising them!!

Try to remind yourself that she's been in this world for only about 400 days and she is basically still a baby seeing that it feels fun to dribble water, throwing food because she is interested in what happens, etc.....

Also, telling them 'no' at this age is really a waste of your breath most of the time. I can't imagine ever telling off a 13 month old. You remove the item, if it's dangerous, or clear up the food etc, and carry on. Or you teach them in a positive way. For example, if my baby grabs my cat's ear, I say 'look, gentle strokes' and show her how to stroke the cat. If you try to cultivate a more realistic attitude (and a positive mindset) as to what one-year-olds are really like, you will enjoy your lovely little one far more, I bet.

My little girl is 2 in August and this is mild, give it time, she's feral compared to when she was 13 months. She's just developing into a little character and testing boundaries.

At 13 months she isn't doing things she knows she shouldn't. She doesn't know anything.
When she 'tantrums' it's because she is overwhelmed and can't communicate what she wants. I wouldn't bother saying no, or being cross - save no for safety issues. If there's behaviour you really don't like, I just wouldn't react, and show her how to do it properly.

Hahahahahahahaha…haaahaa..ha….ha….

Best of luck OP.

But seriously, your expectations of a 13 month old are ridiculously high. She can’t speak more than a few words, never mind formulate the idea of ‘testing’ you in her tiny young mind. Your experience of parenting at this age is on you, not her. Yes, there are ‘easy’ babies and ‘difficult’ babies, but there is no intent or malice. Give her a break, and yourself. Otherwise you’re in for a rough ride…

Having a break is good! Little ones are exhausting. It's just normal behaviour though, just take away whatever she's throwing.

She is curious and exploring her surroundings. It seems very harsh to tell her off for behaving like a normal one year old. You should be pleased that she is investigating and being aware of sensory activities such as dribbling. If she wasn't doing this, you would be worrying that she is not making progress. I agree that you sound like a very negative mum.

I know you love her and think she's marvellous, but you'd get more sense sticking googly eyes on a potato and trying to reasoning with it than your toddler.

Thanks for all of your really supportive and encouraging replies.
I'm a first time mum just trying my best with my little girl and I don't want her to turn into a child who thinks she can do whatever she likes and I just thought setting boundaries with her now was the right way to go. Calling me a "negative mum" is really unhelpful and just makes me feel even worse than I do already.
I think I will refrain from asking for support/advice on this site going forward.

I'm a first time mum too. Your expectations of a just turned one year old are way too high.

Don't take the harsher responses to heart and just reel your expectations in. She's barely been on the planet a year, and most of the time she was little more than a loaf of bread you carried about with you. She doesn't understand what you're talking about. She can't make the connections.

Ignore the dribbling and wipe it up. If she's chucking water about just remove the cup and say "we don't throw water" and give her something else. If she's still fannying about, clean up and pop her down to play with her toys.

You're wasting your time trying to understand her. Brace yourself for the bullshit they throw at you when they're 2 and 3. My son cried today because he wanted cheese and I gave him some cheese. Just let it wash over you.

Sorry OP but I was trying to give you a bit of a reality check, you do sound like you are being too quick to go to the negatives (telling off a 13 month old!) rather than to the positives. It's a shame you can't look inwards a bit and think whether, with all these responses, perhaps it does suggest your expectations are too high and you could be being gentler and more realistic with your baby. Worry about setting boundaries once your child can reason and is capable of understanding them -- a 13 month old definitely isn't. They need lots of love, attention, play, encouragement, fun and teaching - not telling off.

Agree.

"Stroppy", "test us" and "laugh at us" don't apply to a 13 month old. You do need a bit of a reality check OP. Take it on the chin and lighten up with your wee one. You'll have an easier time of it if you do.

And again by saying you don't want a child who 'thinks she can do whatever she likes'... you seem to be going to the negative. It's not the time to be worrying about that, she's 13 months! I'm really not trying to be mean, I just know how much a negative attitude can impact both parents and children.

Ignore the bad literally walk out the room praise the good she will get the message

Yeah there’s no point telling a 13 month old ‘no’ and it’s a really negative word anyway. She literally knows nothing about what she should and shouldn’t be doing and sounds like she’s exploring her world.
Try gently redirecting her to behaviours you do want to see - e.g if throwing food rather than saying ‘no’ just ignore the first time, then try to distract maybe by drawing attention to what you are eating and saying something like yum yum!, then just calmly take it away if she’s still not interested.

Oh dear! My kids are 16, 15, 14, 4 and 3! Testing me and being stroppy is a normal occurrence here.
I don't think you can set boundaries at 13 months old, she's far too little. Just give yourself a bit of extra slack, don't put too much pressure
On yourself.