Work PT and be SAHM vs work FT as sole earner

[Mamasharp97]

my LO will be 6-7 months when I return to work. We planned for me to work 2.5 days a week for a little bit of money and being a SAHM for the rest of the week, my husband would work 4.5 days a week.

My head of department is leaving and I stand a good chance as an in-house hire.
I’d work 5 days a week for substantial amount more workload but 3x our combined income and my husband could be a SAHD.

I just really would love some advice or your personal experiences working full time.

I don’t want to go for the FT job due to feeling like I’m going to miss out on everything in her formative years (she’s 3 months now). I miss her already and I haven’t even got the job yet. But financially I feel like I have to, and she’ll still get to be with her dad every day. I feel like it’d be selfish if I don’t go for it. Just looking for your experiences to help me decide. Right now it just all feels completely crippling.

I just can’t stop crying at the moment, I just thought I’d be going part time and spending my days with her as she grows up, then go back to full time when she’s bigger.

Cons

• miss out on most of my daughters pre-school days
• miss her firsts (walking, words, etc)
• huge amount of extra work
• much more stress

Pros

• can provide more for her financially
• can spend more money during the holidays on making memories

Am I being dramatic because I’m only 14 weeks post partum? Or is this the reality of being a mum?

This one million percent!!

But you don’t know you’ll be miserable? I think you need to stop looking at what you would prefer, but what is best for the whole family. Your child will have a great time whether they are home with a parent or at nursery, they have a loving family. I agree with a PP, think of quality over quantity.

I second the post who says it depends what DH will be like as a SAHD.

As a SAHM I took on the huge bulk of household work, all night feeds (was breastfeeding tbf) and pretty much all of the early morning wake ups, though I would often nap in the afternoon with DC. It was 100% a fair trade, we both sat down at the same time to relax in the evening and of course DH would sometimes grab a few bits on the way home from work but the absolute idea was that I kept evenings and weekends free for us all to have fun, rest and spend time with DC.

DH needs to have a decent support system with friends around to meet up with on occasion or enough confidence to walk into a play park or toddler group and make it work in case DC is that sort of kid that just needs stimulation. 😀

The other side of that conversation is financially are you ok for DH to pay into a pension in his name and to have full, equal access to money? You won't have a snidey inner voice tempted to call him a cocklodger? Society is damned unkind to SAHP - tenfold to SAHD - and you need to be confident enough in yourself and your relationship to drown that out.

I've got 3 DC. Looking after cute little babies is one thing but the toddler years are HARD.

I'd choose work - as you say much more money & all the school holidays off.

2 of my DC are adults now and truly don't remember who looked after them before they started school (nursery part time when I was at work) but they do remember as they got older the places we could afford to take them, the extra curricular activities we could pay for etc.

Definitely apply for the job!

The plan was for him to do childcare 2 days and me do childcare 5 days. So I would work 2 days (with one day wfh which I can condense into evenings after she’s asleep). And he would work 5 days. I’d do housework on those 5 days so that his two days with her he can rest and relax. so it’s kind of working double the amount but I’d be stay at home mum 5 days a week and work 2 days.

Take the job 100% and then you'll be in a better position to go part time when your child is older and actually needs you more.
My kids are 9 and 6 and it's vastly more important that I'm around now than when they were babies.

Go for the job 100%. I would say that even if your child was going to be in childcare, because it sounds like an amazing opportunity and you will have long holidays, but she’s not going to be in childcare - she will be with her dad! It’s a no brainer! Amazing for their bond and for her to see that men can care for kids and women can be breadwinners 💪🏻.
you won’t miss out - you will have loads of time with her.

I’ve worked full time with 2 DC’s (now 3 and 6) out of necessity but I honestly don’t feel like I missed anything. I did take a full year off both times. I think you are still in the early days and hormonal and just can’t see past the point when your tiny baby is so dependent on you, but it will come!