Help, I feel like a shit mum

[cerys10]

DS goes to school in September.
I am literally counting the days and I feel so so awful about it.
I work pt and he's in nursery term time only so it's been a lot of days to fill, particularly with the endless rain over the last 18 months.
Part of the problem is that he will only independently play for ten mins and the I constantly hear mummy will you play with me.. but I think partly due to me doing a lot of activities with him with only child guilt but also I think he plays on this as it can wind me up a bit. Even if we go to a group he will do this and I feel awful thinking no just give me a break. But then I feel awful if I see him playing by himself.
I've also had a series of health issues the past 6 months that have worn me down, the latest being ill with covid for two weeks.
So as not to drip feed my dad died unexpectedly last year which has left me low too.
DH totally 50/50 but work long hours etc.
we do meet up with friends but a lot work diff days or have second kids who need naps etc. I feel a bit desperate needing to be out the house. I also wfh which doesn't help.
i absolutely hate soft play but feel like next week we will be there again (if I'm covid free) to fill the time so I'm not stuck in the house being asked to role play etc constantly. I can spend ages setting up crafts, independent activities and it gets me about ten mins peace. We bake, okay dough, dance, you name it. He is so loved and wanted so I feel double the mum guilt for not treasuring this time with him.

You're not a shit mum. Being a mum is hard as hell and sometimes you just feel too touched out or played out or just plain knackered.

Hang in there, he'll be off to school soon and you'll start enjoying the time with him again x

@spicysamosahotcupoftea
Thank you for a kind reply

Some kids are harder to keep entertained than others. My mum provided childcare for my niece 3 days a week and has had my daughter for the odd half day and she marvels at how different they are. Both only children, my niece was like your son and had to be permanently actively played with. My daughter is happy to be on her own for prolonged periods of time. Even so I'm also counting down the days until she starts school in September. She has been crying and asking to go since Christmas! My daughter is in nursery 4 days a week. I love my day off with her but I would find it hard to do more than that. The other day we had a day when we had been in the car a lot. She spoke continuously for hours. I got home and had to hand her over to had and find things to do upstairs for 5 minutes to decompress and reset before sorting dinner and doing bedtime with her. We all need space from our small people x

@Superscientist
Thank you. Yes I feel 8-9 hours where DH is at work 3 x a week where I am constantly entertaining v v hard tbh. I clock watch til he gets home and feel bloody awful about that.

Most mums round the world can't wait for the kids to bugger off to school! Doesnt make you a shit mum at all! Mine are 7 and 11 and I still put the flags out when it's a school day! Honestly don't worry

@monicagellerbing
This is exactly what DH says to me all the time!

I had my DD in nursery 3 days a week in the year before she started school, all year round so I didn't have long days back to back to fill! On the days I had her with me, we did drop-off activities like football and music classes. Definitely recommended if you can afford it. She also napped in the afternoons right up until she started school, though I know some parents prefer to forgo the nap in favour of early bedtimes.

@gerhat
We do classes etc but here they are very aimed at toddlers and none are drop off. we are trying an art class this week which I think he (and me) will like.
Oh lucky you, he dropped all naps at 18 months which I think maybe exacerbated the problem. So much energy, he's very bright tho, up early. I taught him to read (ex teacher). I'm hoping school tired him out.
I wish we hadn't gone for term time only tho!